Category: 80s Action
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Days of Thunder
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Read more: Days of ThunderJesus H. Christ in a Deep Fryer, Tom Cruise’s character is named Cole Trickle!
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Blood Dragon: The Video Game
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Read more: Blood Dragon: The Video GameTagline: Welcome to the Future. The Year is 2007. Entire Story in Fewer Words than are in this Sentence: Michael Biehn gives voice acting a go. Homoeroticism: Despite being a love letter to 80s action films, Blood Dragon has very little in this category. Our lead, Rex “Power” Colt, makes constant references to balls, but,…
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Ricochet (1991)
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Read more: Ricochet (1991)Tagline: “He’s a cop accused of murder. And the only man who knows he’s innocent is the killer who framed him. This is one case that’s going to be settled out of court.” Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Homicidal maniac obsesses over hot black sex cop. Homoeroticism: It is perhaps…
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Midnight Run (1988)
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Read more: Midnight Run (1988)Tagline: This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Bounty hunter and his quarry trade wisecracks. Homoeroticism: Hardly anything to report, sadly. Bounty hunter Jack Walsh (Robert De Niro) and accountant Jonathan “the Duke” Mardukas (Charles Grodin), who is in his custody, quickly develop…
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Raiders Of The Lost Ark
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Read more: Raiders Of The Lost ArkTagline: The Return of the Great Adventure. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Indiana Jones hates snakes, and Nazis. In that order. Homoeroticism: Basically nonexistent, I am sorry to report. There are a lot of natives dressed only in leather thongs chasing Indy (Harrison Ford) at the beginning, after he steals…
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48 Hours (1982)
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Read more: 48 Hours (1982)Eddie Murphy was only 19 years old when he was tagged to play the convict conscripted by Jack, a renegade and reckless cop in San Francisco. Jack always stayed just a half a step ahead of losing his badge, and Reggie wanted to get out of jail. Even though Reggie Hammond was not a cop,…
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Deadly Prey (1987)
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Read more: Deadly Prey (1987)Tagline: In Vietnam He Was The Best… HE STILL IS! Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Mike Danton ain’t nuthing ta f’ wit. Homoeroticism: Where to begin… I am probably the first person in history to ever take notes on this particular movie, and no fewer than four pages of those…
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Death Wish 3 — 25 Years, 25 Memories (Part I)
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Read more: Death Wish 3 — 25 Years, 25 Memories (Part I)A quarter-century of brilliance.
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Maximum Risk
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Read more: Maximum RiskNatasha Henstridge! Nude Pics!
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Direct Contact
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Read more: Direct ContactNever you mind his fifty-two years. Dolph Lundgren will still fuck you the hell up.