Category: Movies
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They Live
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Read more: They LivePiper takes off his shirt, dampens his chest and the wife and kids are never mentioned again.
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Toy Soldiers
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Read more: Toy SoldiersThis film is practically Tiger Beat writ large.
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Under Siege
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Read more: Under SiegeTagline: None listed. Really. Boo. Entire Story in Fewer Words Than Are in This Sentence: Villains overrun ship, Seagal transforms from cook to butcher. Homoeroticism: OK. I have to go into stupid chief mode here: Chief Schulte: Seagal!! Get in here! Seagal: Yes sir. Chief Schulte: You mind telling me what the hell you think…
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Malone
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Read more: Malone“Ex-Cop. Ex-CIA. Ex-Plosive!”
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Marked For Death
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Read more: Marked For DeathThis one is just a mess of mixed and/or stupid messages. Seagal is a combatant in the war on drugs, which means that drugs have to be ridiculously vilified. We take a brief and amusing trip into Nancy ReaganÂs deluded nightmares…
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Cheaper by the Dozen 2
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Read more: Cheaper by the Dozen 2A page is borrowed from Leni Riefenstahl in this ode to unchecked breeding.
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United 93
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Read more: United 93Incredibly, a great film about 9/11 that evades cheap jingoism; an instant classic.
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Hard Candy
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Read more: Hard CandyThe new film Hard Candy is, above all, a showcase for the astounding performance of 19-year-old Ellen Page…
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Rock Star
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Read more: Rock StarI’ll point out that the whole thing is ostensibly based on Judas Priest and what happened to them after Rob Halford left.
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Rocky V
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Read more: Rocky VPost-80’s burnout.