TERMINATOR 3 RISE OF THE MACHINES

You do not need to use computer effects to simulate the melting of the head of a plastic mannequin! Just fucking melt it!

ALI

The funniest thing I heard about this movie was that Will Smith blamed Michael Mann for it’s commercial failure, which would be kind of like Dan Quayle blaming Pappa Bush for their loss to Clinton/Gore.

ADAPTATION

A truly original motion picture is, like a deep-thinking conservative, a rare find in the world today. Given the sheer, deafening volume of cliché-ridden garbage that seems to flow endlessly from the sewers of Hollywood, it seems almost impossible that a work of daring and mad brilliance could ever be produced in any corner of […]

AUDITION

My girlfriend and I agreed that this was the best of the three movies we watched last night. Now, the other two movies were Kung Pow; Enter the Fist and Death to Smoochy, but they could have been much better movies and Audition would still have been the best of the three.

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME

You Can Count On Me is not the sort of film that you sit back and evaluate. The fact that it is brilliant is obvious. It’s the sort of film that should be used to evaluate you.

GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING

Another Movie Review!

CALE’S 10 BEST FILMS OF 2002

Matt Cale and the movies!

ALMOST FAMOUS

Show me the fucking door.

AIRPORT 1975

No, this is not a trend that should cause you great concern, so I promise that I will stay far, far away from both Airport ’77 and Concorde: Airport ’79.

The 2 Best Films of 2005

For me, 2005 was a year best forgotten. At least I assume so, since I can barely remember any of it. I think I got out to the theater twice, and each time sitting in the dark without any intoxicants to extinguish my thoughts was such a trial, that I kept looking up and expecting […]