Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Film Title

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Synopsis

This time we light the bird’s ancestors on fire

Director

J.A. Bayona

Cast

Chris Pratt
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rafe Spall
James Cromwell
Ted Levine
Justice Smith
Daniella Pineda
Toby Jones
Jeff Goldblum
BD Wong
Isabella Sermon

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is 2 hrs 8 minutes, PG-13 for maiming and people get used as chew toys Basic Concept: Jurassic Park, except this time we light the dinosaurs on fire. What? There’s a volcano erupting on the Jurassic Park island, and so, you have a lot of stampeding dinosaurs that may also be […]

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Film Title

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Synopsis

Finding news way to suck the fun out of dinosaurs.

Director

J.A. Bayona

Cast

Chris Pratt
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rafe Spall
James Cromwell
Ted Levine
Justice Smith
Daniella Pineda
Toby Jones
Jeff Goldblum
BD Wong
Isabella Sermon

How to train your dinosaur (or, A steaming pile). “I am never mad at the end of movies. All I wanted from this movie was to be entertained and it could not even do that. And, I liked A Wrinkle in Time. Well, at least until I started thinking about it.” – My friend, after […]

Incredibles 2

Film Title

Incredibles 2

Synopsis

Mr. Incredible babysits while Elastigirl saves the world

Director

Brad Bird

Cast

Samuel L. Jackson
Holly Hunter
Craig T. Nelson
Sarah Vowell
Bob Odenkirk
Catherine Keener

1 Hour 34 Minutes, G Special Warning: Incredibles 2 has scenes with bright high-intensity flashing patterns that may induce epileptic episodes. Also, this film is chock full of subliminal messages (courtesy of the villain)- if you believe in the effect of subliminals, this is a film to avoid. Fair Value Rating of The Incredibles 2: […]

Hotel Artemis

Film Title

Hotel Artemis

Synopsis

A nurse runs a secret, members-only E. R. for criminals.

Director

Drew Pearce

Cast

Jodie Foster
Sterling K. Brown
Sofia Boutella
Jeff Goldblum
Dave Bautista
Zachary Quinto

Hotel Artemis is likely to be one of the obscure gems of the summer of 2018. Its a wonderful peanut-butter and chocolate combination of genres: cyberpunk and the Grand Hotel genre. Hotel Artemis is a well acted ensemble piece, nimbly juggling multiple sub-plots and capers, making the most of an enclosed and limited set. Give […]

American Animals

Film Title

American Animals

Synopsis

Four privileged kids try to steal rare books and it goes as well as you would guess.

Director

Bart Layton

Cast

Evan Peters
Barry Keoghan
Jared Abrahamson
Blake Jenner
Ann Dowd

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? When I was a kid, my parents watched America’s Most Wanted with John Walsh. Episodes featured cheap reenactments of crimes committed by featured suspects to give the audience something to watch besides Mr. Walsh talking, even though that something to watch had the cinematic quality of anthropomorphic finger […]

Deadpool 2

Film Title

Deadpool 2

Synopsis

Yes, Josh Brolin is the Bad Guy in this movie.

Director

David Leitch

Cast

Ryan Reynolds
Josh Brolin
Morena Baccarin
Julian Dennison
Zazie Beetz
T. J. Miller

Is this film worth my time?Deadpool 2 is middle level lowbrow action comedy for middle-schoolers and muddled stoners alike.If you’re cool spending your time with 3rd– rate live action South Park, who am I to judge? Check your brain at the door. 1 Hour 59 Minutes, R for graphic dismemberment, sodomy, tiny genitalia Fair Value […]

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Film Title

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Synopsis

How Han gets his stuff.

Director

Ron Howard

Cast

Alden Ehrenreich
Donald Glover
Emilia Clarke
Woody Harrelson
Thandie Newton
Paul Bettany
Joonas Suotamo
Jon Favreau
Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Sorry, were you hoping to learn something interesting about Han Solo? Benign. Rote. By-the-book. Fine. Adequate. Entertaining enough. All are applicable adjectives to the latest Star Wars movie, Solo: A Star Wars Story. Hell, “A Star Wars Story” is probably the perfect way to describe Solo because it is generic and tells us something we […]

I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

Film Title

I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

Synopsis

A woman who is missing reappears, unfortunately for anyone who watched this film

Director

Chris Sivertson

Cast

Bonnie Aarons
Lindsay Lohan
MIchael Adler
Julia Ormond
Neil McDonough

It’s about time you resurrect the Shithouse. Whats this one about? Lindsay Lohan, playing both Aubrey and Dakota, is kidnapped, gagged, tortured, and mutilated, losing a hand and leg in the process. Shes found, sent to a hospital, then followed by the FBI, and before long, shes in a graveyard digging up herself. Wait a […]

Truth or Dare (2018)

Film Title

Truth or Dare (2018)

Synopsis

A really dumb movie based on a pretty neat drinking game

Director

Jeff Wadlow

Cast

Lucy Hale
Tyler Posey
Violett Beane
Sophia Ali
Nolan Gerad Funk
Landon Liboiron
Sam Lerner
Hayden Szeto

Truth or Dare (2018) O.K., I’ve about had it with Horror Movies. Sure, A Quiet Place was magnificent, but it was not really a horror movie, only a hybrid. Truth or Dare is a group parlor or drinking game that is supposed to be embarrassing, but funny. You have to tell the truth, no matter […]

Avengers: Infinity War

Film Title

Avengers: Infinity War

Synopsis

WordPress Strikes Again

Director

Anthony and Joe Russo

Cast

Everyone

Winter is here. Ten years people. We have been waiting ten years for Avengers: Infinity War and it is finally here. Eighteen movies and three television series later and it is finally here. Okay, so not many people watch all three TV series. I forgot Inhumans was even a thing (just eight episodes), Agent Carter […]