Conquest Music Group; ASIN: B00000IJVC

If you're like me, and that's something you should definitely aspire to, you've heard Anal Cunt, or A.C. as they call themselves when they're being pussies about it, circa I Like it When You Die and thought, "wow, that is some funny shit." But aside from playing "311 Sucks" for the occasional friend you've pretty much ignored them. Also, you're loosing a lot of sleep watching the World Cup, you have one sister and no brothers and you wish KFC delivered, at 2:13 am, even though you need to loose some fucking weight.

That's about as far as I'm gonna go with that. The point is, I just discovered this album, although it came out about four years ago. It's way better than I Like it When You Die because the most of the songs themselves, rather than just the song titles, are funny. Which isn't to say that these song titles are anything but classic. Choosing just a few examples is a challenge, but this is the fucking web, so it's not a challenge I have to face. Here is the full track listing for this CD.

• Picnic of Love
• Greed is Something we Don't Need
• I Wanna Grow Old With You
• I'd Love to Have Your Daughter's Hand in Marriage
• I couldn't Afford to Buy You a Present (So I Wrote This Song)
• Waterfall Wishes
• I'm Not That Kind of Boy
• Saving Ourselves for Marriage
• I Respect Your Feelings as a Woman and as a Human
• In My Heart There's a Star Named After You

I'm much too lazy to write out all of the lyrics, but here's a taste from "Saving Ourselves for Marriage,"

I saw your deep blue eyes from afar/ I saw you at the church bazaar
I asked the priest to introduce me to your mother/I asked us to introduce us to each other

There are only a couple of drawbacks. The biggest is that the vocals are in an annoying falsetto; as if it were necessary to communicate that the songs were jokes. It makes the album almost unlistenable, which is a shame because the accompanying acoustic is good enough that these songs could have been enjoyed. Instead, the music almost ruins the album. If they had made these songs sound as earnest as possible, this would be a classic.

The other drawback is that only some of they lyrics are printed, so you have to listen to all of the songs to get the lyrics.

Ruthless Ratings

• Buy it or Burn it: Find the lyrics somewhere online. Or burn it, if you want to hear some funny sound effects.
• Quantify it: 6

Impaled Northern Moon Forest

This is an Anal Cunt Side Project. Their song titles may be even funnier than AC's:

SIDE 1 (DEMO #1):

• Grim And Frostbitten Moongoats Of The North
• Forloned Invocations Of Blasphemous Congregations Oflusting Goat Sodomizing Satanists.
• Gazing At The Blasphemous Moon While Perched Atop A Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Forsaken Crest Of The Northern Mountian
• Bloodlustfully Praising Satans Unholy Almightyness In The Woods At Midnight
• Nocturnal Cauldrons Aflame Amidst The Northern Hellwitch's Perprtual Blasphemy
• Transfixing The Forbidden Blasphemous Incantation Of The Conjering Wintergoat

SIDE 2 (DEMO #2):

• Masturbating On The Unholy Inverted Tracks Of The Grim & Frostbitten Necrobobsledders
• Awaiting The Blasphemous Abomination Of The Necroyeti While Sailing On The Northernmost Fjord Of Xzfgiiizmtsath
• Lustfully Worshipping The Inverted Moongoat While Skiing Down The Inverted Necromountain Of Necrodeathmortum
• Awaiting The Frozen Blasphemy Of The Necroyeti's Lusting Necrobation Upon The Altar Of Voxrfszzzisnzf
• Summoning The Unholy Frozen Winterdemons To The Grimmest And Most Frostbitten Inverted Forest Of Abazagorath
• Entranced By The Northern Impaled Necrowizard's Blasphemous Incantation Amidst The Agonizing Abomination Of The Lusting Necrocorpse
• Grim And Frostbitten Gay Bar