THE ALMIGHTY PUNCHDRUNK

Music For Them Asses

Virusworx Records

I like to think that I made an astute observation when I saw Strapping Young Lad (with Samael) late last year. I noticed that Gene Hoglan is fat. When I say fat, I mean more so than his band photos would lead you to believe. It's a bit of a conundrum actually. On one hand, he's an incredibly fast and technical drummer, one of the best around, and on the other hand, he's fucking fat! This guy gets more arm and leg exercise than anybody else in the band, but they're not shuffling weight around on stage like he is. How does this work?

Now that I think about it, Strapping is an unquestionably ugly band, even repulsive. I would argue that they are the most ugly [Ed Note: Or as we sometimes say, “ugliest”] death metal band since Utopia Banished-era Napalm Death. The bassist resembles a younger and fuller Captain Lou Albano and Devin Townsend has got to be the most ridiculous looking vocalist in metal. First of all, the guy looks like he's fuckin sixty, which he probably is--just like one of those old metal-goons from the eighties that held on to his faded, jean jacket and long hair even though he went bald twenty years ago. I would bet that he wore fringe on his jacket sleeves at some point. I can totally see him sporting a Bark at the Moon T-shirt with tapered black jeans as a kid. At any rate, somebody has got to tell him to stop. All he did during the show was flip the crowd off and scream, "Suck a fat one!" in between songs.

But back to Gene. It was pretty amazing to see him drum. His speed and unyielding double-bass appear to come effortlessly in the face of his girth. He even twirls his drumsticks before commencing blast beats. Now that's metal! But being fat doesn't come without its drawbacks. He lost several sticks, presumably due to his relentless sweating, which was no doubt due to his obesity. He needs to stop being a free-lance drummer and find himself a band, and the band that he needs to do another album like his The Almighty Punchdrunk. Music For Them Asses rocks. It's grindy, it's punky, it's groovy, and the drumming, of course, shreds.