Written and Directed by Brian Koppelman & David Levien

With
- Barry Pepper as Matty Demaret
- Vin Diesel as Taylor Reese
- John Malkovitch Teddy Deserve
- Tom Noonan as the Sheriff

Let's be honest. Knockaround Guys is sabotaged for all intents and purposes by it's cookie cutter and uninspired script. Also, the need/necessity/studio mandate to keep the movie under an hour and a half long further served to sell the actors short. Aside from the above and a predictably obnoxious and lousy soundtrack, Knockaround Guys was OK. I've seen worse. I'm not giving this movie a pass, by any means; it's just that I was sort of interested in the give and take happening between Brooklyn's young-set Mafioso and the low-down small-town folk of Montana -- culture clash that was more than just dumb-ass teen movie jokes about rednecks. Of course everyone but the two main guys die in the end as a result of a Tarantino style "We've all got our guns pointed at each other -- whose going to accidentally shoot first, triggering a massive and unnecessary blood bath?"

Barry Pepper stars as Matty Demaret . He's the son of Barry Chains (Dennis Hopper) a major Brooklyn underboss. When Matty is 12 years old his uncle Teddy (Malkovich) leads him into a basement where a guy is tied up. This guy sent Matty's pop to prison. Uncle Teddy hands little Matty a gun and tells him to decide whether this guy lives or dies. Being a fucking 12 year old, Matty can't bring himself to pull the trigger, even after Uncle Teddy (lamely) cuts the guys tongue out. This of course becomes the crux of the entire movie. "You couldn't shoot that guy in the basement when you were twelve, and as a result you can't shoot me now." Except Matty (of course) does shoot Uncle Teddy in the end, thereby becoming a man, etc.

See, Matty is pretty screwed up. He can't get a legit job as a sports agent because of who his father is, and he can't be a hood because he failed that test in the basement when he was 12. His friends are all pretty much dorks. Seth Green is Marbles, a pilot, who screws up the modest job Matty's father decides/relents to give Matty and his "crew." A bag with $500,000 in cash goes missing in Montana. Marbles had to stop to refuel and there were these cops there so he put the bag down and these two stoner baggage handler kids get a hold of it because it isn't tagged and, well, hi jinks ensue.

The only really good part of the movie is when Vin Diesel beats the living shit out of the guy who played Waingro in Heat. Diesel's character is Taylor, a Jewish thug with an enormous Star of David tattooed on his even more enormous bicep. Unlike Matty, Taylor is a hardened, well, not killer, but, tough guy. Yeah. He's really fucking tough. Like Matty, he can't ever really make it as a mobster either, because he's a Jew. Some of you might find the idea of a tough Jew laughable, but I know a guy who's also got a Magan David tattoo (on his back) who could rip Diesel's guts out. Maybe it's a recessive gene going back to the Macabees, but every once in a while you run into a tough fucking Jew. I knew another guy who was the arm wrestling champ of Brooklyn. I saw him pick up the back of a car once. Granted, it was a Camry, but still... Taylor is fairly interesting -- sort of the warrior philosopher. [Ed Note: Contrast this sober, near-stirring performance with the new Diesel. Oy Vey] He's the only person in the movie besides Pepper who actually took the role seriously and doesn't have in tongue in his cheek the whole time.

Malkovich must be strapped for cash. He just coasts right through this role, calling on his enormous reservoir of spooky tough guy talent to get him through the motions. Worse than his performance, which was actually just flat and uninspired, was the plot line surrounding Uncle Teddy. At the very end, there is a twist (yawn) and it turns out that Teddy has been screwing over Matty's Dad this whole time. The problem is that we are never given enough a back-story to understand how in the hell Teddy could double cross Hopper. Or why. He just sort of does it to move the plot along and provide the requisite and seemingly mandated "twist" ending. Of course, in the hour and twenty-four minutes the director (or should I say, studio) bothers to give us, Teddy is clearly not a man of his word so the twist was more of a line-dance. I saw it coming, and sadly, didn't care when it arrived.

To sum it up, with the exception of Pepper and Diesel, Knockaround Guys plays like your typical mob spoof written by some asshole at a Starbucks in Brentwood on his laptop who has never even bought pot off the street let alone done anything "organized." Hopper is way too inherently comical to play a ruthless mob boss. Malkovich is basically Sideshow Bob but without all that humor. Green is an annoying little midget of an actor and scores about a one as a tough guy, cokehead-hood. I'd literally be more scared of one of the Culkins in a street fight. At least they don't look like they're smiling when they are supposed to be smirking. Tom Noonan, who plays the sheriff, is almost convincing, but in the end he just points a gun at everybody and gets shot. Too bad, cause Knockaround Guys had potential.

Ruthless Ratings:

• Overall: 4
• Direction: 4
• Acting: 6
• Story: 4
• DVD Extras: 2
• Re-watchability: 4

Special Ruthless Ratings:

• Number of times you realized that you didn't have any strong emotions one way of the other about the movie: 34
• Number of days it took you to complete this review: 5
• Number of times you wondered if Knockaround Guys had been longer and more fleshed out, if it would have been better: 7
• Number of times you realized that it wouldn't have made much of a difference since the writers suck: 6
• Number of beers consumed by you while watching it: 3
• Were they good: Yeah
• Did you make them: 2 of them

Fun Fact: This movie sat on the shelf for two years and then when Pepper and Diesel had big hits coming out, the studio dusted it off.