To quote my old roommate, Jaquay, Lost Highway is so bad that it made me question whether or not I like Lynch's other films. This film is a terrible piece of shit. It makes no sense. There is no special meaning or subtext hidden within it. Like trying to gleam meaning from Led Zeppelin lyrics in the eight grade, you will be severely disappointed with the lack of content once you figure it out. Don't watch this movie. If you do, please realize the following.

1)      You will be dumber afterwards.

2)      The movie is 1/4 black screen.

3)      Trent Reznor was apparently consulted constantly during the filming.

4)      All of the actors' talents are wasted. A lot.

5)      It sucks

What I find weirdest about Lost Highway is that I meet people from time to time who enjoyed it. Typically, these are people who feel Tim Burton's Batman was a huge boon to the cinematic cannon. When I was younger, I will assume like many of you who are checking out our snappy little web site, I thought David Lynch was the shit. Mostly because I was young, stupid and had no experience in the world. As I have aged, I realize that for the most part, Lynch is a shock jock, perfectly exemplifying weirdness for weirdness' sake. Yes, Wild at Heart was a "crazy" flick ostensibly based upon the Wizard of Oz. And if you sync Dark Side of the Moon up to The Wizard of Oz and hotbox your apartment, you will trip balls. But who cares? Tell me something interesting, please. This movie doesn't. I mean the damn thing is rated R for, "Bizarre violent and sexual content."

The lone cool part was when Robert Loggia freaked out and used his killer 1600 horsepower Mercedes 450 SEL to smash another driver off the road. And that's only because I'm a car freak. Plus, what it had to do with anything is your guess. What you should do instead of renting this travesty, is to purchase a second TV and DVD player, put both Blue Velvet and Wild at Heart on simultaneously and eat lots of acid.

My friend saw Lynch speak recently at the Director's Guild when the equally turgid Mulholland Drive came out. Someone asked him what was up with Lost Highway. He said it was his reaction to the OJ Trial. May another word never be written on the subject.

• Film, Overall: 1
• DVD Extras: N/A
• Story: 1
• Acting: 2
• Direction: Awful
• Number of Cigarettes Smoked: All of them
• Number of Beers Drank: Too angry to drink beer
• Number of Times Movie was Paused to do Something Else: 3, but should be a higher number
• Number of Times you Wished you Were Watching a Carrot Top Movie - 5
• Number of Times you Wished you Were Watching Chinatown: 20
• Number of Times you Thought you Were Watching a Tarantino Picture: 1
• Number of Times you Found yourself Enjoying the Movie: 1
• Number of Times you Wished you Would have Taken that Screenwriting Class: 53