Werewolves Within (2021)

Film Title

Werewolves Within

Synopsis

Werewolf creature terrorizes a town during a blinding snowstorm

Director

Josh Ruben

Cast

Sam Richardson
Milana Vayntrub
George Basil
Sarah Burns
Michael Churnus
Catherine Curtin

1 Hr 37 minutes, R for hands getting chewed off. Fair Value of Werewolves Within: -$4.00. “I feel like I’m trapped in a bad dinner theater murder mystery, and they’re not letting me leave.”- this quote, uttered by one of the characters, completely embodies the experience of this film. From the Uwe Boll School of […]

Phenomena (1985)

Film Title

Phenomena

Synopsis

A young girl has the ability to communicate with bugs

Director

Dario Argento

Cast

Jennifer Connelly
Donald Pleasence
Daria Nicholodi
Fiori Argento

1 Hr 56 minutes, rated R for Giallo levels of gore WARNING: This film isn’t quite as hard core as a Fulci film, but it does definitely go there, both in terms of gore, ugly mutilation, and decomposition. If you can’t stand maggots you may very well want to skip that particular Argento film. Fair […]

The Godfather: Part III

Film Title

The Godfather: Part III

Synopsis

Michael Corleone seeks to find a successor to his throne



Cast

Al Pacino
Dianne Keaton
Talia Shire
Andy Garcia
Eli Wallach
Joe Mantegna
George Hamilton
Sophia Coppola

2hrs 42 minutes (but it feels like eternity), R for wholly implausible violence Fair Value of The Godfather Part Three: -$15.00. Ordinarily, in my work day, my profession earns me about $30/ hour. This film wasted three hours of my life. I want my Saturday back. I want my life back. I want to be […]

The Godfather: Part 2

Film Title

The Godfather: Part 2

Synopsis

Arguably better than the first, making it the greatest movie ever made. 

Director

Francis Ford Coppola

Cast

Al Pacino
Robert Duvall
Diane Keaton
Robert DiNero
John Cazale
Talia Shire
Lee Strasberg
Michael V. Gazzo
G.D. Spradlin
Bruno Kirby

3 hours 22 minutes, R for numerous murders Fair Value of The Godfather Part II : $18.00. It’s overlong and the pacing can drag, but it’s an immaculately acted film with several stunning set pieces. Focus on the Family: The first Godfather was a study in the parallels between Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando) and his […]

The Godfather (1972)

Film Title

The Godfather

Synopsis

An offer you simply cannot refuse

Director

Francis Ford Coppola

Cast

Marlon Brando
Al Pacino
James Caan
Robert Duvall
Sterling Hayden
Al Lettieri
Diane Keaton
Abe Vigoda
Richard S. Castellano
Talia Shire
John Cazale

2 Hours 57 minutes, rated R for Gangland Violence Fair Value of The Godfather: $30.00. It is essential American Cinema. Fundamental to an entire genre of movie. But How Good Is it? The first time I saw the Godfather was on a date when I was sixteen years old with my first girlfriend, whom I […]

Castle Cagliostro

Film Title

Castle Cagliostro (1979)

Synopsis

A dashing thief, his gang of desperadoes and an intrepid policeman struggle to free a princess from an evil count’s clutches

Director

Hayao Miyazaki

Cast

Yasuo Yamada
Eiko Masuyama
Kiyoshi Kobayashi
Makio Inoue
Goro Naya
Sumi Shimamoto

1 hr 42 minutes, PG-13 for violence and crime. Fair Value of Castle Cagliostro: $14.00. This Miyazaki adaptation of a French novel is fun and picturesque, almost like a cinematic cousin of a Tintin adventure. How Kid Friendly is this Film? It would probably get a PG in modern standards. There’s guns but not blood, a […]

Pale Rider

Film Title

Pale Rider

Synopsis

Anonymous man ruins capitalism in small California town.

Director

Clint Eastwood

Cast

Clint Eastwood as the Right Reverend Scowl and Squint
Richard Dysart as Moustache Twirler
Chris Penn as Moustache Twirler Jr.
Michael Moriarty as the Common Clay of the New West... you know, a moron.

Fair value of Pale Rider: $2.00. This is a middling Clint Eastwood western, surprisingly old-fashioned, which is really only for the Eastwood completists. And Death Was His Name: After a posse of hired thugs devastate a ramshackle prospecting camp, a young girl prays for justice. Soon enough, Preacher (Clint Eastwood) appears, silently and inexorably fighting […]

True Grit

Film Title

True Grit (2010)

Synopsis

A gnarly and stubborn girl employs True Grit to help track down her father’s murderer

Director

Ethan & Joel Coen

Cast

Jeff Daniels as The One-Eyed Dude
Hailee Steinfield as a national treasure.
Matt Damon as smarmy, and ostensibly Texas
Josh Brolin as the bad guy.

1 Hour 50 Minutes, PG-13 for maiming and violence. Fair Value of True Grit: $15.00. Because you can’t watch Sergio Leone all the time, this tale of Prairie Justice is one of the better of modern westerns. In many ways it is the perfect balance of the comedic and the dark aspects of Coen Brother’s […]

Raising Arizona: Devon’s Take

What Makes Raising Arizona Work? FAIR VALUE of Raising Arizona: $8.00. Like contemporaries A Fish Called Wanda or Brain Donors, Raising Arizona is a relentless slapstick comedy that has high re-watchability. THE COEN BROTHERS BEGIN HONING THEIR CHOPS: In many ways, Raising Arizona is the wooliest, most slapdash of all of the Coen comedies. They […]

Army of Darkness

Film Title

Army Of Darkness

Synopsis

Ash is back in time to go medieval on an army of deadites.

Director

Sam Raimi

Cast

Bruce Campbell
Embeth Davidtz
Marcus Gilbert
Ian Ambercrombie
Patricia Tallman
Richard Grove

One hour 21 minutes, R for copious fountains of blood Fair Value of Army of Darkness: $20.00. If you asked me to name a film that was the perfect embodiment of the charm of midnight movies, it would be Army of Darkness. Perfectly fun, endlessly quotable, and never dull. More cheesy goodness than a Wisconsin […]