1 hr 49 minutes, R for profanity Fair Value of Colossal: $1.00. It’s a light, weird and unique comedy that’s watchable due to a talented cast. Toxic Relationships through the lens of Kaiju: Gloria (Anne Hathaway) is a day drinking Manhattan party girl who is abruptly dumped by her boyfriend Tim (Dan Stevens) and […]
Gloria travels from New York City to Seoul to battle a giant monster
Tim Blake Nelson
50. True Grit– The 2010 Coen Brothers movie is based on a great American novel by the Arkansas writer, Charles Portis. It is a superior remake of the John Wayne original, which looks pretty bad now by comparison. It was nominated for 10 Oscars and starred the great Jeff Bridges as Rooster Cogburn. 49. The […]
Film TitleRichard Jewell
Richard Jewell saves lives, but is falsely accused of being a terrorist bomber.
Paul Walter Hauser
2 hours 11 minutes, Rated R for profanity, minor violence. Fair Value of Richard Jewell: $12.00. I don’t think it’s the best film of the year, but I’d say that it’s a film I’d want as mandatory viewing in a civics course, along with 12 Years a Slave. That’s high praise. Not really, it’s just […]
Film TitleFord v. Ferrari
Another look at how realistic the movie Ford v. Ferrari is
Ford v. Ferrari 2 hours 13 minutes, Rated PG-13 Fair Value of Ford vs. Ferrari: $7.00. It’s a mixed bag of a good acting and race car movie cliches. For another view of the film, check out Kevin’s review that was entered earlier. Is this film worth my time? It has exciting scenes of […]
Film TitleThe Irishman (2019) Netflix
A 3.5 hour Scorcese movie about a hit man’s reflections on the murder of Jimmy Hoffa.
3 hours 29 minutes, Rated R for point-blank executions, Fair Value of The Irishman: $10.00. It’s a middling film for Scorcese, but even his lesser works tend to be better than most other things out right now. Is this film worth my time? Well, it certainly takes a lot of time, that’s for sure. I’d […]
Film TitleRambo: Last Blood
Rambo makes the Mexican Drug Cartel pay for Trump’s Wall
Sylvester Stallone (That's all that matters)
Fair Value of Last Blood: -$5.50. As sequels to Home Alone go, it’s the best. As films from the Rambo franchise, it’s the worst. Tagline: The Legend Comes Home Entire Story in Two Sentences: Our nation’s problems with opiate addiction can be solved by a sufficient application of machetes, knives, and high explosives. Homo-Eroticism: None! […]
Film TitleIt Chapter Two
The Loser’s Club turns into a loser of a movie.
Jessica Chastain as frazzled romantic interest
James McAvoy as team leader
Bill Hader stealing every scene, as comic relief
Isaiaha Mustafa, as the call to action
Jay Ryan, as brooding love interest
James Ransome, as neurotic voice of hesitation
Bill Skarsgard, doing his best to prove that clowns aren't scary.
Fair Value of It Chapter Two: $.50. I wouldn’t turn it off if it was an airplane movie. Is It Scary? Aw fuck no. I’ll put it this way: I was never scared by haunted houses because I know that people are going to try to scare me. On the other hand, deep woods and […]
Film TitleAlita: Battle Angel
A deactivated female cyborg is revived, but cannot remember anything of her past life and goes on a quest to find out who she is.
Rosa Salazar as the Chosen Waif aka Big Eyes, Small Emote
Keean Johnson as Dawson's Creek in the Year 3000
Christopher Waltz as your friendly neighborhood ripperdoc.
Jennifer Connelly as Older Women are sinister
Mahershala Ali as The Man
Ed Skrein as Insufferable Recurring Lesser Villain
Jackie Earle Haley as Battle Shrek
Alita: Battle Angel 2 hours 2 minutes, PG-13 for ample cyborg ultraviolence (gore doesn’t count as long as it’s wires and not blood) Fair Value of Alita: Battle Angel- $8.00 Crunchy popcorn, even if the oil’s synthetic. Lavish visuals and an imaginative world with an underwhelming core, like an old computer with a flashy casemod. […]
Film TitleSuspiria (2018)
A remake that doesn’t quite make it
Suspiria (2018) Fair Value of the new Suspiria: $0.00 . There are so many better films that this remake derives from. The original Suspiria, The Ninth Gate, Lords of Salem– for films about witchcraft, you have a lot of more striking options. Catholic Horror versus Protestant Horror: Watching this remake of a genre-defining Giallo film […]