Mission Impossible Six: Fallout 2 hours 27 minutes, PG-13 for boiling coolant to the face. Fair Value of This Film: $3.00. Some good stunt work, but nothing really sets this film apart from the franchise. As generic as a Honda Accord. I saw this film twenty minutes ago and I’m already starting to forget it. […]
Film TitleMission Impossible Six: Fallout
Bad guys have stolen a nuke, blah blah blah. Want to destroy civilization, blah blah. Your mission, blee blo. Rag-tag team of misfits, scoodily poopy rum tum tum.
Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt, Super-Generic
Henry Cavill as American Dad
Rebecca Ferguson as Black Widow
Ving Rhames as Wise and Experience Black Man
Simon Pegg as comic relief
Angela Bassett as sinister CIA red herring
Sean Harris as The Unabomber.
Vanessa Kirby as Misplaced Bond Girl.
Film TitleJurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
This time we light the bird’s ancestors on fire
Bryce Dallas Howard
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is 2 hrs 8 minutes, PG-13 for maiming and people get used as chew toys Basic Concept: Jurassic Park, except this time we light the dinosaurs on fire. What? There’s a volcano erupting on the Jurassic Park island, and so, you have a lot of stampeding dinosaurs that may also be […]
Film TitleIncredibles 2
Mr. Incredible babysits while Elastigirl saves the world
Samuel L. Jackson
Craig T. Nelson
1 Hour 34 Minutes, G Special Warning: Incredibles 2 has scenes with bright high-intensity flashing patterns that may induce epileptic episodes. Also, this film is chock full of subliminal messages (courtesy of the villain)- if you believe in the effect of subliminals, this is a film to avoid. Fair Value Rating of The Incredibles 2: […]
Film TitleHotel Artemis
A nurse runs a secret, members-only E. R. for criminals.
Sterling K. Brown
Hotel Artemis is likely to be one of the obscure gems of the summer of 2018. Its a wonderful peanut-butter and chocolate combination of genres: cyberpunk and the Grand Hotel genre. Hotel Artemis is a well acted ensemble piece, nimbly juggling multiple sub-plots and capers, making the most of an enclosed and limited set. Give […]
Film TitleDeadpool 2
Yes, Josh Brolin is the Bad Guy in this movie.
T. J. Miller
Is this film worth my time?Deadpool 2 is middle level lowbrow action comedy for middle-schoolers and muddled stoners alike.If you’re cool spending your time with 3rd– rate live action South Park, who am I to judge? Check your brain at the door. 1 Hour 59 Minutes, R for graphic dismemberment, sodomy, tiny genitalia Fair Value […]
Film TitleThe 15:17 to Paris
Bros discover a terrorist plot on the way to Paris
The 15:17 to Paris 1 Hour 34 Minutes, PG-13 for gun and knife violence. Fair Value Rating of The 15:17 to Paris: $2.00. Its a solid punt as a Redbox rental, an excellent compromise choice if you’re watching a film with family or people you don’t know well. Impeccable but unessential, pleasing but forgettable. Is […]
Honey, I shrank the movie.
Downsizing 2 hrs 15 minutes, R for Naked Dudes on Slabs Fair Value of Downsizing? $5.00. Worth a rental, a Redbox. As fun and clever a modernization of Jonathan Swift as can be hoped for. Who is this film perfect for? Alexander Payne’s (Sideways, Election) latest comedy is abundant on whimsy but short on jokes. […]
Film TitleCoco (2017)
A California Gringo looks at The Night of the Living Dead
DirectorLee Unkrich, Adrian Molina
Gael Garcia Bernal
Fair Value of Coco (2017): $7.00. Purely upon its own merits, and viewed in a void, I’d say this is a $20.00 film. But I’m cutting my score by half for the context of appropriation without accreditation, and another deduction for the subtext of the film. This is a film that I liked the more […]
Film TitleLoving Vincent
A beautiful story on oil painted animation
DirectorDorota Kobiela, Hugh Welchman
Loving Vincent 1 hr 34 minutes, PG-13 for mutilation and suicide. Fair Value of Loving Vincent: $5.00. Its a good art house film, and works as an adequate primer for somebody who knows nothing of post-impressionism. A good movie for your suburban relatives and in-laws. Patron Saint of the Starving Artists: There are a number […]