Suspiria (2018) Fair Value of the new Suspiria: $0.00 . There are so many better films that this remake derives from. The original Suspiria, The Ninth Gate, Lords of Salem– for films about witchcraft, you have a lot of more striking options. Catholic Horror versus Protestant Horror: Watching this remake of a genre-defining Giallo film […]
Film TitleSuspiria (2018)
A remake that doesn’t quite make it
Film TitleBad Times at the El Royale
Seven strangers, each with dark secrets to bury, meet at the El Royale Hotel in Lake Tahoe
Cynthia Erivo as Dreamgirls taking a Wrong Turn
Jeff Bridges as grizzled
Jon Hamm as paranoid secret agent man
Chris Hemsworth as Charles Manson, Superstar!
Dakota Johnson as Chris Hemsworth's ex-girlfriend
Nick Offerman as an old school gangster
Lewis Pullman, as the in over his head bellboy/ desk clerk
Bad Times at the El Royale 2 hours 11 minutes, R for Tarantino-Style Gun Play (with comparable levels of blood splatter) Fair Value of Bad Times at the El Royale: $4.00. Its a solid choice as a streaming rental, solid without being particularly distinct, entertaining enough. Norman Bates, Travis Bickle, The Manson Family, and Nixons […]
Film TitleBlacKkKlansman (2018)
Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?
John David Washington
2 hours 15 minutes, Rated R for bombings and lynchings. Fair Value of BlacKkKlansman (2018): $12.00. Its the first film I’ve seen this summer worthy of a Best Picture nomination. Invisible Empire: Racism is the central ideology of the American Empire. I know you’re going to throw democracy and liberty in my face- but that’s […]
Film TitleMission Impossible Six: Fallout
Bad guys have stolen a nuke, blah blah blah. Want to destroy civilization, blah blah. Your mission, blee blo. Rag-tag team of misfits, scoodily poopy rum tum tum.
Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt, Super-Generic
Henry Cavill as American Dad
Rebecca Ferguson as Black Widow
Ving Rhames as Wise and Experience Black Man
Simon Pegg as comic relief
Angela Bassett as sinister CIA red herring
Sean Harris as The Unabomber.
Vanessa Kirby as Misplaced Bond Girl.
Mission Impossible Six: Fallout 2 hours 27 minutes, PG-13 for boiling coolant to the face. Fair Value of This Film: $3.00. Some good stunt work, but nothing really sets this film apart from the franchise. As generic as a Honda Accord. I saw this film twenty minutes ago and I’m already starting to forget it. […]
Film TitleJurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
This time we light the bird’s ancestors on fire
Bryce Dallas Howard
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is 2 hrs 8 minutes, PG-13 for maiming and people get used as chew toys Basic Concept: Jurassic Park, except this time we light the dinosaurs on fire. What? There’s a volcano erupting on the Jurassic Park island, and so, you have a lot of stampeding dinosaurs that may also be […]
Film TitleIncredibles 2
Mr. Incredible babysits while Elastigirl saves the world
Samuel L. Jackson
Craig T. Nelson
1 Hour 34 Minutes, G Special Warning: Incredibles 2 has scenes with bright high-intensity flashing patterns that may induce epileptic episodes. Also, this film is chock full of subliminal messages (courtesy of the villain)- if you believe in the effect of subliminals, this is a film to avoid. Fair Value Rating of The Incredibles 2: […]
Film TitleHotel Artemis
A nurse runs a secret, members-only E. R. for criminals.
Sterling K. Brown
Hotel Artemis is likely to be one of the obscure gems of the summer of 2018. Its a wonderful peanut-butter and chocolate combination of genres: cyberpunk and the Grand Hotel genre. Hotel Artemis is a well acted ensemble piece, nimbly juggling multiple sub-plots and capers, making the most of an enclosed and limited set. Give […]
Film TitleDeadpool 2
Yes, Josh Brolin is the Bad Guy in this movie.
T. J. Miller
Is this film worth my time?Deadpool 2 is middle level lowbrow action comedy for middle-schoolers and muddled stoners alike.If you’re cool spending your time with 3rd– rate live action South Park, who am I to judge? Check your brain at the door. 1 Hour 59 Minutes, R for graphic dismemberment, sodomy, tiny genitalia Fair Value […]
Film TitleThe 15:17 to Paris
Bros discover a terrorist plot on the way to Paris
The 15:17 to Paris 1 Hour 34 Minutes, PG-13 for gun and knife violence. Fair Value Rating of The 15:17 to Paris: $2.00. Its a solid punt as a Redbox rental, an excellent compromise choice if you’re watching a film with family or people you don’t know well. Impeccable but unessential, pleasing but forgettable. Is […]
Honey, I shrank the movie.
Downsizing 2 hrs 15 minutes, R for Naked Dudes on Slabs Fair Value of Downsizing? $5.00. Worth a rental, a Redbox. As fun and clever a modernization of Jonathan Swift as can be hoped for. Who is this film perfect for? Alexander Payne’s (Sideways, Election) latest comedy is abundant on whimsy but short on jokes. […]