I’m your Christian-Patriot Facebook Friend. Let met tell you a few things about myself: I’m equipped with the fiery hypocro-spite of…
Quicksilver Movie Review: Imagine an LMFO video where bike messengers with terrible nicknames race against cars between dance offs. Imagine Kevin Bacon playing a failed stockbroker gutter-punking a ten-speed on his way to self-enlightenment. Imagine a world where vague, nonsensical dialogue replaces meaningful human interaction, where cars are for psychos, where one man’s dream of […]
We were engulfed in a lake of slime and filth so vile that it would tarnish every amenity promised to us.
I believe heaven is laughter, and nothing made me feel closer to God than my bootlegged camcorder copy of Heaven Is For Real.
This Summer, if you don’t recognize the existence of God, you’re going to be meeting him sooner than you think! Open Carry Pictures presents a film so terrifying, you’re going to want to bring two pairs of your elastic waistband jeans into the theater! Move over Kirk Cameron, a new sheriff is in town. Actually, […]
In my mind, Marty and Rust went on to become successful P.I. partners, Senator Tuttle eventually got caught molesting Honey Boo Boo, and Melissa Joan Hart lived on to kill again.
The other day, I was hanging out in the swamp, just trying to exaggerate my rural working-class persona and get a reality TV deal, and I stumbled upon a dusty book inside an old pile of wooden wreckage. As it turns out, the book is actually Noah’s diary from his time on the ark! Now […]
You never hear any positive stories about tornadoes. Why is it nobody has anything nice to say about them? Why does humanity harbor so much fear and hate for these gentle giants? It’s not like we were born hating tornadoes. No baby busts out the belly being a bigoted funnel-fearing Freddy. Chances are, you learned […]