AMERICAN TOURISTS SUCK!!!
And Only 1/6th Of You Yanks Have Passports!!
Just wait till Mr. B visits your country…
Well thank fuck for that is all I can say. Last year my fellow countrymen got it in the neck, but this time itÂs you fucking Yanks.
I can guarantee that the person seated at the next restaurant table doesnÂt really want to listen your banal drawl throughout the course of their meal. I, sitting 7 tables away, DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR BANAL DRAWL THROUGHOUT THE COURSE OF MY MEAL. For fuck sake stop shouting! Do you guys have built in larynx-amplifiers or what? It wouldnÂt be so bad if you were saying anything that was half interesting. “IÂve been to Florence, oooo so have I, have you been to Berlin? IÂve been to Berlin, ooo yes I did Berlin last year, next weÂre coming over for two weeks and doing London, Paris, Geneva, Milan, Prague, Venice, Vienna and Rome.Â Â On and fucking on for a whole hour! Sorry no desert or coffee for me pal, IÂm off. Just what fuck do you think it is that youÂve done in theses places? Jack fucking shit, thatÂs what JonnyÂs done Prague, but he spent two fucking months there and IÂd imagine could have happily stayed another two. I worked in Holland for a month but havenÂt even come anywhere close to getting around it all, and that was in a car that regularly did 140mph.
Done? Done my arse!
Three couples came and sat down and after about 30 seconds, looked at the Yanks, rolled their eyes and legged it sharpish [Ed Note: We feel fairly certain that legged it sharpish means they left].
And why canÂt you just order some food without the need for the Spanish Inquifuckingsition? ÂIs that salmon smoked, is it Scottish or Norwegian salmon, I donÂt want it if itÂs not smoked salmon. WhatÂs in the salad, does that have smoked salmon, IÂll have that if the salmon is smoked but does it have artichokes in it. IÂll take it if the artichokes have been boiled. How big is the salad?Â
How big is the fucking salad?
The waitress made her hands into roughly the size of the plate it would come on. ÂWell how big is that?Â Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!, and I didnÂt even mention that this stupid yank-cow stuck her fucking nose in my wifeÂs food and without even acknowledging the Mrs. said to her equally dumb friend, “Ooo, maybe IÂll have a pizza.” Five fucking minutes it took to place a simple order for some soup and a salad. YouÂre that busy fucking talking you wont even taste it anyways, assholes! You might as well order dogshit on toast.
At no time during the course of my holiday did I hear any American say the words Âper favoreÂ or ÂgrazieÂ. ThatÂs please and thank-you by the way.
IÂve saved the best till last though. We were having lunch at this place in Pisa when a bunch of Yanks arrived at the table behind us. Now these werenÂt obnoxious brats like in the previous two examples. Me, Mrs B and HALF OF PISA knew they were teachers from some American university. First off, no please or thank-you. Wankers. Then during the 2000 decibel, 3 week long Spanish inquisition of the menu, the struggling waitress said, “IÂm really sorry but I donÂt speak very much English.” To which the guy replied, ÂOh that doesnÂt matterÂ before proceeding to question her for a further five minutes.
I shit you not, by the time they had ordered, weÂd had soup, a pizza, a Latte and two ciggyÂs and paid the bill. All they got was a god-damned pizza in the en!. Stupid fucking obnoxious Yank-yank septic tanks, and these were supposedly educated examples.
I can already fly a plane, all I need me now is some fucking box cutters. IÂm going back to college!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was going to end there but then I saw some whinge by Erich about taxes. Taxes, IÂll give you fucking taxes. Sales tax 7-8%. What the fuck is that to cry about? Everything you buy in the UK is subject to 17.5% sales tax or “VAT” as we call it. ThatÂs right, more than double yours. Cigarettes, $10 for a pack of 20 Marlbros. Hence why me and thousands of others, get illegally imported Âbaccy from Slovinia. These guys can import it, sell it for half the price and still make a profit.
Try buying a fucking car. A 2litre Ford Focus sets you back $13,300 or something. UK price: Â£11,000 and the fucking exchange rate is nearly 2 bucks to the pound. Petrol here is, and this is no joke, $5.5 for a US Gallon. 33% of my wages get swiftly removed for tax and National Insurance contributions,
This could literally go on forever. Stop whining and start shooting.