Comfortable and Furious



We’ve been going about this whole thing wrong. When I say “we”, I mean all Americans who are interested in living in a secular democracy, where people are free to worship, not only how they see fit, but also not at all. That Christian-Ayatollah bastard Judge Roy Moore cannot be reasoned with. There’s a great little snippet from The Family Guy where Peter’s great-great uncle Ulysses S. Griffin beats Robert E. Lee in a drinking contest. General Lee says, “Alright no more slaves. But we still don’t have to read books!” And it’s true, maybe not of the entire south, but man, Alabama is a fucking joke. People are upset about California, with our current electoral circus, but why isn’t Dave Barry writing shit about Alabama? People forget that about three years back 1,500 people stood on the steps of Alabama’s capital and demanded that the Confederate Flag be raised. Demanded it. Hey Coulter, isn’t it “treasonous” to want to fly the flag of a defeated enemy on top of a U.S. government building? Not to mention Alabama’s horrific, nearly inhuman behavior during the 1950s and 60s, and of course their (and the rest of the south’s) historic hatred of non-protestant, non-whites. And now, this same bunch of Pope-hating yahoos is out in front of their state supreme court crying and carrying on about a Ten Commandments monument.

Our idiot media, in its laughable attempts to be “fair and balanced,” provides no actual criticism of acts like this, which go against the spirit of not only our Constitution and Bill of Rights, but against the principles of our Founding Fathers, a group of men that the flag-waving, bible-thumping, Darwin-hating, porn-in-the-dark-watching dopes down in Alabama revere so highly. Of course, I’m sure very few in the state are aware of the fact that the Founding Fathers were actually mostly Deists, wandering the forests and Masonic Lodges looking for “the Architect.” George Washington would have shot the man for treason who stuck a nearly three-ton monument to a “revealed” religion on the steps of a government building. Our intellectually handicapped president has of course said nothing that I am aware of, but for sure his little 12-steppin’ pea-brain supports the actions of Judge Moore. And like I said, our dumb-ass fair and balanced media covers the Monument news as if both sides are equally weighted, as if there is no Establishment Clause, no Free Exercise Clause, both of which explicitly prohibit exactly this sort of breach from taking place.

The one thing you will never hear from a talking head on the tube is the fact that Moore’s ilk want the U.S. to become an Iran-style theocracy, where the rule of law comes from the Bible–end of story. This is against what our country was not only supposed to be, but what it should be. Again, to hammer this point home, our Founding Fathers, who conservatives (and some libs) revere so fervently, believed in reason, not revelation. Instead, the media bombards us with quotes like this from Rev. Rob Schenck, president of the National Clergy Council

“If it takes 75 years to reclaim this land for righteousness, God find us and our children and our children’s children ready,”

No criticism, no commentary, just the facts, etc. Matt Cale adds,

To present a group or individual’s spin is not “truth” nor is it honest reporting, it is merely allowing power to rule uninterrupted and unchallenged. A genuinely vibrant media probes deeper and goes beyond a quote. That is why our media is little different than Tass or any other state-sponsored source.

What happened to the Edward R. Murrows of the world? Now we have the Larry Kings, “So, Judge Moore, you love Jesus. What’s that like?” Or worse, the Sean Hannitys (Hannity claimed that since George Washington signed a letter “George Washington….in the year of our lord 1787” that proves the Founding Fathers were “Evangelical Christians,” knowing full well that the uneducated slobs who watch Fox news aren’t armed with enough book learnin’ to even question, let a lone refute, his ascertation). Our supposedly liberal media (nothing could be further from the truth. Nor is our media conservative–it is solely profit-motivated–if it bleeds it leads, etc.) simply presents these raving, medieval, Machiavellian religious leaders as if they are normal, as if it is OK to beat people over the head with Bibles, as if Creationists and abortion clinic-bombers are good-old, down-home Americans. Is it beyond the realm of possibility a single journalist or talking head pundit to ask, “Judge Moore, aren’t your deeply held religious beliefs just a front and a ploy to trick ignorant, uneducated “simple folk” into voting Republican so as to assure rich people like yourself and other giant businesses unfair–and un-Christian–tax breaks, cronyism and favoritism? Especially in light of the fact that you are against education, specifically science and reason, so as to continue growing the base of your ignorant voting block, you fascist asshole.” Instead, we just get the following, unfiltered “reporting”,

“The Ten Commandments are the most rudimentary level of agreement on moral issues,” Schenck said. “Catholics, Evangelicals, Jews, fundamentalists – there are protesters here of every stripe. It’s the only place where (everyone) can agree.”

Lies! What about Buddhists? I guess you can’t include those heathens in Reverend Schneck’s “everyone.” Would it kill a reporter to point out this totally flawed and inconsistent reasoning to these fools? Atheists and Jainists do not agree! And, they are afforded equal protection under our laws. Mr. Schenck and his minions probably feel that atheists are only 3/5 American, anyway. You know who would have hated that sort of sentiment? Jefferson, Adams, Monroe-all those guys. They fought a war to–among other thing–escape from tiny-mindedness like that. Of course, they also invented all this bullshit by making “all men” from the Declaration of Independence mean only white, land owning humans with cocks.

Sadly, these people are also dumb, not just ignorant. Take, for example, fiddler extraordinaire Charlie Daniels, who, if you were not aware, has created quite a cottage industry for himself spewing out home-spun wisdom that sits somewhere between G. Gordon Liddy and David Duke. As Charlie D. himself says in his August 22nd “Soapbox,” which defends Moore’s monument-placing ass,

“Nowhere in The Constitution is there any mention of separation of church and state. In fact it says that Congress shall pass no law prohibiting the free practice of religion.”

Horse’s mouth, my friends. I would even go so far as to call it Newspeak, but I seriously doubt that old Charlie has ever read any Orwell. Maybe fascism just finds a way? No matter. The point of all this, as I stated in the beginning, is that we’re going about this all wrong. I say Join ’em.

What we ought to do is go down to Alabama and stick a five-thousand-pound Star of David right on the steps of the courthouse. Or how about a three-ton Star and Crescent, right on the street corner where Judge Moore lives? Or even a great big Vishnu statue? Call these fuckers on their bluff. As Judge Moore (the most appropriate appellation, ever) himself says,

“It is a sad day in our country when the moral foundation of our laws and the acknowledgment of God has to be hidden from public view to appease a federal judge.”

I agree. In fact, I want to take it a step further. Mr. Moore, the actual foundation of our laws, moral or otherwise, comes from the Talmud and several centuries of commentary upon that body of work. I want giant busts of the Rambam, Rabbi Akiba, and the Baal Shem Tov placed at the entrance to every government building in this great land of ours. I want portraits of Louis Ginzberg, Saul Lieberman (no relation), Judith Hauptman and David Weiss Halivni hanging in all of our classrooms. In fact Mr. Moore, I would like to tattoo a picture of Talmidei Chachamim, the great Jewish legal expert whose teachings so many of our laws (specifically torts) are based upon, across your wife’s ass. Like most homophobes, you are without doubt gay and closeted and will never see my handiwork, but at least the guy who performs your marital duties for you will be enlightened regarding the “moral foundations of our laws.”

Seriously though, don’t I have any rich, media-controlling Jewish brothers and sisters out there who could help be fund and build two-and-a-half ton Stars of David? Any wealthy Satanists, anarchists or pranksters who want in on this? It’ll be a blast! We’ll stick our “Monuments to Morality” in front of government buildings all over the country and then sit back with glee as these same hypocritical assholes who are currently crying and prostrating themselves to a graven image (explicitly forbidden by the Second Commandment) suddenly start upholding the first amendment and appealing to the A.C.L.U. in order to get these non-Christian symbols removed.