May 2005

Jonny hasn’t been this pissed off in months…

It is a very rare thing indeed when I feel like picking up a rifle and shooting someone. Meet this month’s Cocksucker, Dr. David Hager of Louisville Kentucky. A gynecologist of good renown and an Evangelical Christian activist. As many of you know, Evangelical Christians are the ones who think that everyone–save for those her share their beliefs–is going to hell, They think that the King James version of the bible, which has been edited countless times after being translated from Hebrew into Greek and then English (though probably through other languages, too) is the “literal word of God.” They so strongly believe this, that whatever the KJV Bible says (for the most part–love thy neighbor and all that shit barely gets lip service) they think should be law. They have total disdain for the Bill of Rights (save the Second Amendment) and strongly feel that our “Founding Fathers” built this nation on the backbone of Christ. Even though nothing could be further from the truth/historical fact. For example The Jefferson Bible, written by none other than Thomas Jefferson, removes all references to Christ as the Son of God because he saw that as superstition. Moreover, almost all the “Founding Fathers” were Deists. All of this is extremely well documented Of course, people who truly believe that an invisible superman who lives in the sky is all-powerful and who cares greatly what we do with our genitalia have no use for fact.

Take Dr. Hager. A obstetrician-gynecologist who recommends prayer as a cure for menstrual cramps. Appointed by tWit to the FDA advisory panel, he was one of four people (out of twenty-seven total) who voted against removing the prescription-only status of an emergency contraceptive pill called Plan B. A pill, I should add, that is a medically safe way for women to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. But of course, there were those 23 yes votes, so obviously we can all rest easier now that more unwanted pregnancies can be prevented, right? Dead fucking wrong. Not only did the FDA reject the advice of its own experts, but Hager bragged publicly about his little coup d’état, stating that God had thrown him “into the breach.” Not only does Hager not give a shit about what women want, but I hope you will be as shocked and scandalized as I am about the “breach” that Hager has been throwing himself into. Chiefly, his wife’s unwilling ass.

Dr. Hager’s ex-wife, Linda Davis, maintains that between 1995 and 2002 Hager repeatedly sodomized her, not only against her will, but when she was unconscious from prescribed sleep medication. What a fucking scum-villain. The hypocrisy is a monument to unchecked hubris. It is bad enough that anyone rape anybody–especially in the ass–but she is the mother of his three children, and Davis’s mother was dying of cancer in the next room for much of it. Moreover, the Cocksucker authored a book called As Jesus Cared for Women where he notes that men who do in fact rape their wives are “selfish” and “sinful.” Moreover again, he’s a practicing gynecologist. Seriously, I wish only the worst for him. String him up by his fucking testicles. And then shit on him. All of you need to read the following article from The Nation to get the full effect of this Cocksucker’s degenerative nature and sublime hypocrisy–Dr. Hager’s Family Values. It is all deeply disturbing and frankly depressing.

And way to go, tWit and the FDA! Having an ass-rapist making major decisions about women’s reproductive rights and health is really cool. What’s that? You didn’t know? Now you fucking know! Throw this Cocksucker to the wolves (though even money he gets reappointed to his post next month)! I wonder if Hager is going to come up with some William “Snake-Eyes” Bennett type of defense, “I said Jesus tells us not to rape our wives. I never said that Jesus tells us not to ass-rape our wives…” Either way, this vile and disgusting creature is the worst example of what is all too common in hardcore right wing Christian circles these days. Outlandish, nauseating and utterly contemptible hypocrisy. Look, I’m the fucking atheist around here and I’ve never ass-raped anyone. Yet of course if he ever admits to this shit, all he has to do is cry publicly for Jesus and he goes to Heaven while I rot in Hell. Fuck this shit. You want to know why “Christianity is under attack?” Almost exclusively because of Cocksuckers like Hager. For who else will force an unwanted child down your throat, and an unwanted cock up your ass? Fuck this guy in the strongest sense of the word. I hate him, the Cocksucker.

Here’s some great further ranting about Hager, the “mentally ill ass-rapist.”

Addendum 5.27.05: While the overwhelming majority of readers and forum jerks agree with my selection of Dr. Hager as the Cocksucker of the Month (some are calling for Year), many feel that I am doing a disservice to the guy by leaving out some of the details recounted by his ex-wife in The Nation article. Among them:

  • Early in their marriage during normal sex, Hager would slyly divert it into his wife’s ass. When she would protest he would say that he couldn’t tell the difference in the dark. I’ve never been to a day of medical school, let alone claimed I was a gynecologist, but if there is one thing I can do competently in the dark, it is tell ass from pussy. Fucking Cocksucker.
  • This might actually be sicker than the forced-sodomy; after he was done with his wife’s ass, to mask his guilty feelings, Dr. Hager would leave checks on her night stand. That’s just reprehensible.
  • And that’s not all. According to his ex-wife, Hager was a control freak with the purse strings. One of the reasons she didn’t leave him earlier was that she had no money and no marketable skills (Women: GO TO COLLEGE). According to her, he would routinely pay her for sex acts she wouldn’t normally do. These included sodomy and oral copulation, er, cocksucking. There’s nothing wrong with husband and wife playing hooker and John, but this was for reals. As the ex-wife states in the article, sex became currency. Way to turn your wife into a whore, Jesus-boy.