Comfortable and Furious

The NBA Cares A Lot!

NBA kid child fan dance pistons funny sillyFrom the time you were a little kid, you’ve loved and supported your team, making our players millionaires and adding to our owners’ billions.


nba ref dick boveta funny rich nba caresEven our refs can make $500,000 for working less than 1/3 of a year.



dirk nowiski james harden nba a players party groupies drink club champagne live large nba caresWe all travel the country and sometimes the world, enjoying wine, women and song in five star hotels.



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One day, we thought, “You know what would be even better than all of that? A little bit more.”



Carmelo Anthony's house home mansion estate rich networth
Carmelo Anthony’s estate. Like all of these homes, subsidized by taxpayers.

“Our business has uniquely loyal customers and we could do a lot more to exploit that.”



nba fans bullets extreme crazy funnySo we used your devotion to blackmail you. We said, “Take tax money meant for schools, roads and emergency services and use it to build a new arena for us instead…



seattle sonics fans sad protest sign

…or lose the team that makes your insignificant, little life a bit happier.”


Home of Orlando Magic owner and pyramid scheme billionaire, Richard DeVos.
Home of Orlando Magic owner and pyramid scheme billionaire, Richard DeVos.

In most cases, you caved in. The NBA has looted $3 Billion in public money since 1990. The NBA cares about that. It is about 60,000 times the average salary of a teacher.

luxury suites nba cares rip off scamThe new arena you pay for will be so lavish that attending games will become a status symbol. We’ll be able to charge much more for tickets and get even richer.

Suns owner robert sarver house
The home of Suns owner, Robert Sarver, best known for trading draft picks for cash.

With you putting up all the capital, and us taking all the profits, we can’t lose.


 nba ticket prices rising outrageous nba caresP.S.We know you paid to build the arena and all, but you might not be able to afford tickets anymore.



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 david stern nba cares smile greedLOL just kidding. I make $20 million a year because of this stuff.



deron willimas nba caresThen we go back into the communities and take a lot of pictures of ourselves returning .01% of the money we took from them.



Note, much of the "$7,000 gift" seems to just be promotional material for the NBA.
Note, much of the “$7,000 gift” seems to just be promotional material for the NBA.

Here’s what we gave to one school, according to “Some $7,000 worth of new books. New furnishings and board games. Life-size portraits of NBA basketball players on the walls.” Yep, a lousy seven grand. And if they wanted the token gift that allowed us to stage our PR scene, they had to plaster their library with NBA advertising. We call this program…


 NBA Cares logo wide lame



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