Minnesota @ Pittsburgh -5.5
Dick: Look, I know that Toothlesburger is 9-1 versus the NFC at home, but the Vikings are unbeaten because Brett Favre is quarterbacking maybe the best team in football. Pittsburgh may win this one because they have their insane Samoan safety back, but they won’t cover because they are capable of losing to Cincinnati meaning that Minnesota should turn Toothlesburger into Hamburger.
Tony: I said last week that I would not pick New Orleans against a top team until they made me, and New Orleans made their point rather convincingly. I am in the same spot this week with Minnesota. Sure they’re 6-0, but 4 of those games were Detroit, Cleveland, San Fran, and St. Louis, and the other two, Green Bay and Baltimore, weren’t exactly blockbuster matchups. Minnesota obviously has some powerful tools (Brett Favre is a major tool, for instance) but they are a couple of very lucky plays away from being 4-2. Pittsburgh, on the other hand, is good at football. Roethlisberger is hot and Minnesota’s secondary is not. Steelers.
Sax: I have to admit, I was getting swept up in the Minnesota hype a little, and I thought they were an obvious pick here until, like Tony, I looked back over their schedule. It does put their record in perspective, I guess, but I can’t get over what a fucking powerhouse their offense has been. I can see Pittsburgh winning, but I’m not sure I can see them doing it by 2 field goals. I’d love to see Favre throw 3 picks and fuck over Minnesota’s fans, but I still think it’s too early in the season. I’m taking the points. Also, Toothlessburger into Hamburger? Kill yourself, Dicky.
Chicago @ Cincinnati -1.5
Dick: I don’t know, maybe Cincinnati is for real, but it’s hard to take a team seriously when they wear uniforms better suited for a LARP convention or a manga orgy. Regardless, since Chicago is clearly not the same without Brian Urlacher and their wide receivers are still learning that their hands are used for catching the ball, I figure Cedric Benson will run for 125 yards out of spite while Carson Palmer treats the Bears like the Cubs.
Tony: Last week, it would have been easy to pick Cincinnati in this game, but their performance against the Houston Yeehaws raises some questions, most notably on defense. That said, Cutler tends to do worse when there are people in the stands who want the team he is not on to win the game and there should be a few of those people at this game what with it being in Ohio and everything. Bengals.
Sax: I still firmly believe Cincinnati is a bad team, I would have picked against them even if Odom wasn’t hurt. I know people are talking about Cedric Benson looking for vengeance or whatever, but I just don’t see it. Marvin Lewis is incompetent.
Atlanta @ Dallas -4
Dick: Why is Dallas still giving points? It’s already been established that Tony Romo is a pussy and Roy Williams (the good one on defense) is hurt while Atlanta is healthy, rolling, and on their game. So why in the name of all that is holy in the world of gambling are the lords of point spreads making them favorites? I’d like to think it’s because they want us all to be rich.
Tony: I like how Dallas is favored in this game even though it took overtime for them to beat the winless Chiefs. I hope John Abraham puts a … sticks his … does terrible things to Romo all afternoon. Falcons.
Sax: I do not understand this line at all. I keep double-checking to make sure I didn’t misread it. Dallas really is favored, even though they do absolutely nothing well.
Arizona @ Giants -7
Dick: Yes, the Saints rolled Todd Flanders last week, but this is Arizona. In New York. In really shitty weather. Eli against Arizona’s defense. This will end well.
Tony: I want this game to be a passing shootout because I have Larry Fitzgerald and Mario Manningham on my fantasy team. Other than that I don’t really give a fuck. The Giants will probably be looking for redemption after last week’s gang bang and I can’t see Arizona going to New York and losing by less than a touchdown. Giants.
Sax: I could see Arizona sneaking up on the Giants if New York hadn’t gotten the shit kicked out of them by the Saints last week. The Giants will take care of business at home. I know some people think that last week’s Saints debacle proves you can throw on the Giants, but it only proves it if Âyou are Drew Brees, and Arizona’s passing attack is not what it once was because Kurt Warner is roughly 89 years old.
Standings
1. Tony (16-8) (2-2 last week)
2. Dick (12-12) (2-2 last week)
3. Sax (12-12) (3-1 last week)