Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh -7
Tony: I backed Cincy last week and they did not disappoint. And they’ve already shown they can beat Ben and his Giant Face. I would argue, however, that Baltimore is a big piece of poop and Cincy’s win last week is not significant. The Bangles will not beat the Steelers this week. Pittsburgh is hitting on all cylinders and has huge momentum coming off their win in Denver. Their running game is on, the passing game is on, Palmolive is back. Pittsburgh.
Dick: Chad Ochocinco likes to send gifts to opponents, gets fines 20 grand for doing practical jokes, and scores lots of touchdowns. Since he seems to understand that football is entertainment while folks in Pittsburgh treat it like life and death, I’m taking Cincy. Doesn’t make sense, does it? But considering my abysmal record it’s either this sort of logic or throwing darts.
Sax: I have officially entered Costanza mode. Since my decision-making abilities have led to nothing but humiliation week after week, I am going to carefully consider each matchup and use reason and logic to decide who I think will cover, then I will pick the other team. Pittsburgh is at home, Polomalu is back, they are looking to avenge a division loss, they are a different team since the ascension of Medndenhall, and they only lost to Cincy by 3 on the road last time… so I’m taking Cincy. Wait, no, fuck that, I’m taking Pittsburgh. I don’t have the balls to see the Costanza plan through. I am a coward.
Philadelphia @ San Diego -2
Tony: This is kind of a head scratcher. Philly lost to Dallas last week, but is Dallas actually getting good? The Chargers beat the Giants last week, but the Giants appear to be in the middle of a catastrophic collapse. So, by that logic, the Eagles should beat the Chargers, right? The Chargers have won three in a row, but those wins were against Oakland, Kansas City, and the Giants. Before losing to Dallas last week, Philly won two in a row against the Giants and the Redskins, but that was after losing to fucking Oakland. God this game is a piece of shit. I guess I’m picking Philly because fuck Philip Rivers.
Dick: Somehow Andy Reid can’t keep the Eagles on target even though he has Don McNabb playing some of the best football of his career. You lost to Oakland and now you’re rolling in to play the Chargers who are hot and have Jesus in the backfield. I’m taking San Diego because Philly is schizophrenic.
Sax: The Chargers are staging one of their patented late-season rallies, and Andy Reid is Andy Reid. I can’t wait to see the Bolts overtake Tony’s Broncos. They’re at home and there is basically no spread, I love the Bolts this week. So I’m taking Philly. Co-STAN-za.
Dallas @ Green Bay +3
Tony: Rather than try to overthink this one, I am going to yield to the apparent momentum of each team. Dallas won a big one on the road against Philly last week and Green Bay bent over and gave what is arguably the worst team in the league their first win in a big way. Dallas.
Dick: Tony Romo is Mr. November and the Packers are going to lose because they can’t protect Aaron Rogers or stop the pass. Unless the game is played in a blizzard and Romo breaks his legs, the Cowboys win easily.
Sax: Green Bay is just fucking terrible. Their line is a mess, things are falling apart. Dallas seems to be getting their shit together behind Miles Austin. I’m taking Green Bay.
New England @ Indianapolis -3
Tony: Sure the Colts are great this year, but the Peter Griffins’ only two losses so far were against the Jets and the Broncos and both of those are starting to look a little flukey as the season progresses. I think this one comes down to two things: 1. Fuck Tom Brady. 2. Home field advantage. Indy.
Dick: Indy still has Rod Flanders, but it seems like half of their defense is on injured reserve. And since Indy will not go unbeaten and even though the Patriots still haven’t figured out who is their nominal starting running back, I see Brady and his movie star looks winning out over Peyton’s fake audibles because this seems like the perfect week for Indy to lose.
Sax: Everyone in New England is acting like the ship is righted after victories over Tennessee, Tampa Bay, and the Dolphins, who are admittedly probably better than their record indicates but still put up a pretty good fight IN Foxboro. Randy Moss is still one of the best in the game, but he has lost a step since he caught 35 touchdowns two years ago, and the Pats have gone from Donte Stallworth to Jabar Gaffney to no one as their third receiver. They are on the road, and even though it seems like it’s harder for the Colts to pump in fake crowd noise in this new stadium, Peyton Manning is gonna take a shit down Belichick’s throat. Which is why I’m taking the Pats. Co-STAN-za!
1. Tony (21-15) (2-2 last week)
2. Dick (15-21) (1-3 last week)
3. Sax (14-22) (1-3 last week)