Satan loves you. You see, the thing is, with demonic possession, it’s internal. Therein lies the real horror.

As a creature, I am as old as the Earth itself. I’ve seen it all, from the very first amoeba frolicking around in a rockpool right up through every one of the extinction-level events: I was there.

Being smart and self-aware (in general, that is…) has given us monkeys a lot of advantages: we were able to get out of our caves and into nice, comfortable homes with central heating, running water, and, preferably, a high-speed internet connection.

So, vampires! Are they cool, or aren’t they? Yeah, they are! And although some are much cooler than others, as we’ll see, vampires, like zombies and werewolves, are here to stay.

First, meet the daddy: Jack Nicholson! In this nineties vehicle, he plays Will Randall, an aging and ailing editor for a big publishing house in New York.

Ah, the undead… slow, slimy, deliberate, and indestructible, except for the shot to the head… Zombies represent our fear of losing control: powerless to stop your own actions, mindlessly driven forward by irresistible urges. The urge to shuffle, ever so slowly. Or to eat brains. Zombies!