Quatrain XXDDbK: Sigh
When noise and haste abandon mortal breath, The quiet hour shall claim its ancient throne. For in the stillness, far from toil and death, Man learns at last the peace he has not known.
After virtually inundating my editor with thousands and thousands of questions like ‘Where on earth did you find that stunning genius?’ (The Netherlands), ‘Is his shaft really that glorious?’ (Yes), and ‘do you think he would mind if I, a very attractive young woman, were to visit him, take all my clothes off, and make all his dreams come true? And him, too?’ (No), I must ask you to stop. Leave the old man alone, okay? He has to deal with me on an almost daily basis, so give the guy a break, huh? Give him a chance to mend his fence.
Another question you kept on asking again and again was, ‘What does this well-endowed, rich, highly intelligent, funny, articulate, and sharp-dressed man like to watch to unwind? You know, just to take his brilliant mind off solving all the world’s problems for a minute and just relax? Put his finely formed feet up, light up a smoke… Some incense, maybe… and just forget about everything for a moment… You know?’ Weird long question, but okay… Well, good people of planet Earth, and America, I will tell you. Welcome to Dr. Knoopsgat’s Zen TV.
If you’re as rich as I am and have in your living room something like, oh, I don’t know… the Samsung 77 inch OLED TV S90F with 8K Neo QLED upgrade with a matching Dolby Atmos surround system, for example, it’s easy to appreciate the true grandness of these two films. Yes. So, what is it? All joking aside, these are, in fact, two very beautiful cinematic explorations of rivers. And mountains, too. The images that can be seen in these two movies are of an almost otherworldly magnificence. There’s really no other word for it. Both movies are made by the same team and poetically narrated by Willem Dafoe. Accompanied by quite classical music, they tell of rivers and mountains, yes, but the real story is about us. About human beings and our beautiful, beautiful world. Zen TV to the utmost.
Need I say more? Probably not, but I will anyway. This, by now 99 – yes, you read that right, ninety-nine-year-old naturalist, TV maker, and writer is world-renowned for his long career in documenting the natural world. But what I, and I know many of you too, like by far the most about Sir David is, of course, his voice. That friendly, wise, soft-speaking, and very British tone of voice calmly guides you, as if by taking your hand and then gently pulling away the curtain behind which this entire wonderful world of butterflies, rainbows, and ring-tailed macaques lies hidden. Truly marvelous, indeed. You can find many of his shows on the various streaming services. Hey! Don’t fall asleep now… There’s more to come yet.
The Straight Story (1999)
Now, I know I haven’t always been kind to sir David Lynch in the past, but, in all fairness, he doesn’t always make really weird, incomprehensible crap solely for the purpose of making really weird, incomprehensible crap. Sometimes, he makes Zen TV.
Seventy-three-year-old Alvin Straight (Richard Farnsworth) is a stubborn, simple man living on social security. In failing health – shot hips, diabetes, emphysema, poor eyesight – he hides much from his mentally disabled daughter, Rose. When he learns that his estranged brother Lyle has suffered a stroke, Alvin decides to make peace before it’s too late. Needing to do it on his own terms, and lacking a driver’s license, he sets off alone on his old riding lawn mower, towing a trailer for gear and sleep. Along the way, he quietly touches the lives of those he meets, and they his. All he hopes is to finish the trip as he started it – before he, Lyle, or the mower gives out. Zen.
Snooker/Cycling
(softly whispered) “Mark lines up… he pulls his cue back… and the white ball quietly makes its way across the perfectly flat surface of the table. The soft green of the baize gently matches the dull grey carpetry, while the bright lights from up above bathe everything in an atmosphere of quiet contemplation. The white touches another ball with a friendly clicking sound and reacts according to the eternal laws of physics by swiftly moving in another direction. The audience, apart from the occasional, muffled cough, is silent, except on the rare occasion on which one of the players, as always impeccably dressed in a waistcoat, trousers, bow tie, and polished shoes, makes an exceptionally daring shot; a mild-mannered applause may come forth. Whenever a player may make a mistake, he immediately points this out to both the referee and his fellow player, after which he returns to his chair, takes a sip of spring water that is placed on a little table beside him, and then sits back to await his turn as he watches the world go by.”
Also, Tour de France.
The Red Turtle (2016)
Now, I know I mentioned this flowy fairytale a couple of times already on this wondrous website, but I keep coming back to it. And why wouldn’t I? First, because this is my list, and I decide what goes on it, and if you don’t like it, you can either vang dich unne beer, for all I care, or better yet, make your own list; and second, because it’s… (insert two or three of your favorite superlatives here). Yes. And much more than that, even. I’d even go as far as to say that this is (insert idiotic, far-fetched, overly long, and hardly relevant but somewhat funny comparison here). Well, yes, I know that’s a tough nut to swallow, but that’s how I think about it. Up next, moles. And horses!
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse
Yes, this is a children’s story. Made into a movie aimed at children. Your point being? It’s great, is what it is. In very much the same soft-lined animated style as the Turtle movie, it tells its story in the same quiet, friendly manner. So, yes, very much Zen TV. In it, we meet a lonely boy who, while wandering through a winter landscape, encounters a kind-hearted mole, a wary fox, and a wise horse. As they travel together, the four unlikely friends talk about fear, kindness, friendship, and what it means to find a place where you belong. Based on the book by Charlie Mackesy, it’s one of those movies that comes on TV around Christmas every year, and I watch it every single time. I love it. It’s Zen.
Die Ludolfs – 4 Brüder auf’m Schrottplatz
Now, then. I know that this world can be an ugly place sometimes. I’ve seen my fair share of human foulness, as I’m sure you have. But sometimes, just sometimes, you come across something that makes everything right again. Something so great, so utterly beautiful, that it almost makes you cry. Yes.
But before I tell you what it is, please imagine something for me, if you will. Imagine a scrapyard in Germany, somewhere in the mid-2000s. Yes? Now imagine that this scrapyard is run by the four brothers you see in the picture. (Yes, I know they look like a bunch of well-fed Neanderthals who accidentally stumbled across some human clothes, but trust me when I say: these are four of the friendliest people you’ll ever meet. For realz.) Finally, imagine that they all live together in the same, somewhat dilapidated house, located right there, at the scrapyard itself. Got all that? Great. Now imagine they made a TV show about it.
Yes. In what is arguably the very finest of TV making anywhere, ever, we get to see how these brothers run their scrapyard and live their lives together. We see them tinker with old cars, turning them into temporary racing monsters, riding them until they either catch fire, explode, or both. We watch as they bake sausages and steaks for breakfast and somehow not keel over from severe and immediate heart disease. Sometimes, they also sell car parts to other Germans. We see them eat (many, many times), and sometimes sleep, in their… let’s be friendly and say ‘chaotic’ kitchen. Sleep, yes. Sometimes one of the brothers, after a particularly hearty lunch of ribs, mashed potatoes, and coffee, dozes off in his chair. And they film that. So, we’re watching a somewhat overweight middle-aged man sleep in his chair in his kitchen-cave. Yes.
Now, tell me, isn’t this world the absolute greatest? Yes, it is! But wait! I’m not done yet! Because the entire series, plus THE MOVIE (!), can be found on YouTube! All of it! Yes! And I’m still not done! There’s still more! Because…
They made eight seasons.
I love this world. And America. I LOVE it!
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