Carlos Ray Norris emerged from the mist so long ago, it seems as if he’s always been with us. He was born in a particularly arm-pittish section of our arm-pittiest state, Oklahoma, back in March of 1940. Norris began his career sans the beard that later made him a legend, though it’s fair to say that by middle school, he was already well on his way to completing the densest chest of hair in the history of the medium. Karate trained, he became a film icon not because of charm, charisma, or any reasonable talent, but instead, due to his sheer insistence that he was, is, and will always remain, a star.
Even if we didn’t quite believe it, the proof is in the box office, as well as highly rated TV shows. He had infomercials, books, seminars, and conventions, and even up to the moment of his death, he seemed as if he’d conquer that too, outlasting all rivals in the race to immortality. Curiously, and against all odds, the reaper found him, though I’m guessing it wasn’t at all what he had in mind. After all, there was that fourth Missing in Action film to make. This time, with atomic weapons.
Norris, while popular, was never an 80’s Action icon on par with Arnold, Sly, or Chuck Bronson, but he did his best to keep Golan-Globus knee deep in cash. He re-fought unpopular wars, vaporized assorted drug dealers, and all told, made the decade once again safe for God, country, and capitalism. His hard-on for the Stars & Stripes was, perhaps, the most authentic of the period, and as proven in The Delta Force, he knew he’d also have to murder a few dozen Islamic radicals along the way to keep things honest. While America was always under attack, from without and within, we never felt a twinge of angst while his tight jeans and oiled pecs were dispatching evil from coast to coast. And he saved his most heroic deeds for 1985’s Invasion USA, where he reluctantly left his lair in the Everglades to save the country from a total takeover. When forced to choose between baddies with bad skin and an immaculately groomed Ground Chuck, we knew where we stood. Our nation survived, thanks solely to him.
Yes, there are legendary moments. The final battle royale in Lone Wolf McQuade. The rescue of millions of starved POW’s in Braddock: Missing in Action III, the legendary comic timing of Firewalker, and yes, being outclassed – but not outgunned – by a canine partner in Top Dog. All worthy of respect. And fond, sepia-toned memories. While uttering no more than 250 words of dialogue over a half-century career, he made it his business to appear only in movies that channeled our essential Americanism: Forced Vengeance, Silent Rage, An Eye for an Eye, Hellbound.
We were pissed, so he was pissed, only he did something about it. And yet, despite making his bones as a leg man, he never shied away from guns, cannons, and missiles. Fortunately, for both the nation he loved and our sensitive eyes, he never caved to the fairer sex, and his movies are blissfully light in the romance department. We saw his bare ass now and again, but always in service of righteous killing. Orgasms were just never his thing.
So yes, we mourn our man Chuck. A relic, perhaps, but never irrelevant, he helped shape a movement that lives on in the hearts and minds of those of us who believe that fascism, for all of its faults, still produced world class entertainment. Because it did. For years, with the Constitution safely tucked away at the bottom of a drawer. He shot first, though never asked questions, and he knew if we were to prosper, we’d have to use the Law & Order slogan like a sledgehammer. Over and over again. But rather than fill jails, he wanted to fill graveyards, without regret or apology.
And even as he became synonymous with a largely online push to exaggerate and codify his staggering masculinity (“Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups, he does earth-downs”), he never lost that aw-shucks connection to a simpler, nobler time. And as he’s put to rest in the coming days, let us remember the Vietnam he saved. The Middle East peace process he solved. And the drug trade, forever silenced, with borders shut tight and our country at peace. Now, he belongs to the ages.
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