The Giant Claw (1957)

I’ve been reviewing really, really bad old Horror Movies for years. I’ve suffered through The Giant Gila Monster, The Beast of Yucca Flats, Teen-Agers From Outer Space, Devil Girl From Mars, The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy, The Crawling Eye, and many others that I would just like to forget.

I think I have finally found the Holy Grail of really shitty horror movies. The Giant Claw is a “movie” about a Giant, puppet-generated cross between a turkey and a buzzard, with a Mohawk haircut. This movie is so unbelievably bad that the incompetence and hilarity cannot be adequately articulated. It is FREE to view on YouTube. I dare you. I double-dog dare you to watch this one.

Oh, The Humanity! A Man, A Movie, A Man’s Inhumanity to a Movie! Never in the history of film has such an abomination begged for all the copies of this rancid, reeking, and rotting offal of turtle booty noodles, to be destroyed and removed from this planet.

When the star of this movie (Jeff Morrow) actually saw the “monster” that was to be in this movie, he openly ridiculed it…And then he actually wept, because he knew that his career would be destroyed after his role in this abomination. 

What is even more horrifying than this film itself, is the fact that it takes itself seriously, every minute and every second of the 75 minute run-time, which seems like an eternity. Every cheap short cut, every Cheese-It moment, every non-sequitur of an unrelated stock footage, is invoked in this disgrace of a shit-fest, masquerading as an actual movie. 

Here is the plot. I am silently retching while writing this, but I must…for science. Again, a giant turkey buzzard with bulging eyes and a mohawk haircut has invaded the Earth and evaded all radar detection. Why, and for what purpose, no one knows. It terrorizes the Planet and its inhabitants, totally bamboozling the world’s greatest scientists and military. It destroys planes. It terrorizes trains. It bites the upper floors off of tall buildings. Then it builds a nest and lays eggs! What a reveal!

So what happens next? Well, I’ll be damned to the Pope’s Purgatory if I’m going to spoil the ending. You will just have to suffer through it like I did. 

Zero/10.0 With the Goatesians Rating of The End is Near