The Horror of Party Beach (1964)

• Cold War hysteria or Atomic Age menace ✔ (moderate)
• Stock military film footage totally unrelated to the movie (none)
• Men and women dressed to the hilt ✔ (slight-just Elaine)
• Beautiful women with big breasts who instantly fall in love with Handsome Men✔ (extreme)
• Blatant sexism and objectification of Women✔ (slight)
• A bumbling Professor or Doctor with a plan to save the World ✔ (extreme)
• Really, really bad monsters or robots in rubber suits or ridiculous, low-budget, clunky gear✔ (extreme)
• High-ranking, befuddled Military Officers with pointers (none) However, we do have a whole crew of stupid chiefs. ✔ (extreme)
• Giant Spiders, Bugs, Fish or Lizards that threaten all of civilization✔ (moderate) 
• Cigarette smoking by everyone, except for the Monsters✔ (slight)

The Horror of Party Beach is a horror indeed, but so bad that parts of it are somewhat enjoyable. It features again some of the world’s oldest white-bread teenagers, the worst fighting, a laughable beach band (playing the zombie stomp!) and the world’s most annoying girlfriend, Tina. I was giddy with joy when she died horribly early in the movie, the first victim of the most ridiculous rubber fishie monster I’ve ever seen. We are off to a great start. 

Well, after the slumber party, which was populated by 30+ year-old teenage women, this movie loses a lot of steam quickly. Now the slumber party was glorious, with the monsters killing 20 of the women in the middle of a robust pillow fight, but that is about where the lulz ends.

The balance of the movie is predictable and downright boring. The monsters keep killing, picking off a couple of drunks wandering around in the night, while the idiot Dr. Gavin continues to try to come up with some sort of solution to the monster problem. The most unintentionally embarrassing character in this film is Eulabelle, Dr. Gavin’s Darkey Domestic who lives in his house. She is the very poster-child for a brain-damaged Aunt Jemima. This movie was made in 1964 and if Congress had seen this film, it would have killed the Civil Rights Act dead in its tracks.

You can watch free on YouTube, Tubi or Fawesome TV

Eulabelle with her voodoo doll

2.0/10.0 With The Goatesians Rating of Potential Squandered

Special Ruthless Ratings -or- What I learned from The Horror of Party Beach

• All Negroes believe in VooDoo, Spirits,Spooks, and Haints.
• If there are a crew of sea monsters that have already killed over 20 women, you still drive to the beach in a convertible, and at night (twice)
• The agent that will kill an aquatic creature, who lives in an ocean which has a concentration of 3.5% NaCL, is Sodium. Sounds reasonable.
• Also, Sodium is one of the most volatile things on the Periodical Table. It reacts violently to air or water. So, when you go to pick up a large quantity, you drive an MG Midget convertible and carry out the sodium in a galvanized bucket resting on the passenger seat. Also, you can bare-hand sodium and throw it in a lake to kill the monsters.