Note to Readers: Normally I finish reviews before I post them. In
this case, I cared so little about the fucking movie that I never
finished. Sorry. If you want to see the completed review, take a shit
in a frying pan and touch your eyeballs to it.

Movies like this make me hate Hollywood.
First of all, how anybody associated with Saturday Night Live is able to walk
down the street without getting a beat down, let alone get money from a major
studio to make a movie is beyond me. It is sad how poorly people age. Isn’t
Loren Michaels the guy who discovered John Belushi and Bill Murray? Didn’t he
produce Animal House and The Blues Brothers? (I’m going to keep referring to The
Blues Brothers as an example of how to do a Saturday Night Live movie
adaptation. I will also refer to The Blues Brothers Y2K as a way to anger God.)
If anybody would have taken my advice and euthenized everybody involved with The
Blues Brothers 2000 (Especially Eric Clapton) maybe we would have been spared
the pain that is The Ladies Man. Maybe.

This movie stinks on several levels. If it wasn’t so
fucking banal in its subject matter, The Ladies Man might merit its own
concentric circle of hell, like that movie with
Natalie Portman and Ashley Judd
. Instead, it gets to share a circle with
the aforementioned Blues Brothers Y2K and the Norm McDonald/Dave Chapele/Danny
Devito disgrace Screwed. All movies which leave the viewing audience feeling
violated, stupid and sad. Sad because they had every right and every chance to
get up and walk away and they didn’t. Stupid because they could have been
watching Dr. Strangelove, or reading a book, or just simply lying in the grass
and watching the sky. Finally, violated because your intellect has been utterly
molested, if not in fact raped.

[Side Bar: Speaking of The Blues Brothers Y2K, which
not only featured the lowly Eric Clapton, but had Paul Shafer as well; Has
anybody besides me ever wondered how John Goodman is capable of starring in this
hunk of shit, in addition to say The Flintstones and the incredibly wretched
Jerry Bruckheimer cinematic atrocity Coyote Ugly, yet still rule the screen in
Raising Arizona, Barton Fink and The Big Lebowski? Blame the reputed genius of
the Coen brothers, I guess. It really bugs me, though.]

Every single joke in The Ladies Man has
not only been covered adequately on the Saturday Night vignettes where it
originated, but in almost every other single with a black man in it. Some of the
really funny themes covered are; Black men have big dicks. Black food, i.e. soul
food, is disgusting. Black people who succeed in the white world are traitors to
real black people. (The funny part of that last sentence is, that if you
reversed the words black and white in that last sentence, you have an After
School Special. As it stands, you have poor, washed up and pathetic humor.)
Wrestlers wear tights and they are secretly gay. The Seventies were really
campy. Etc.

But it never ended. The only remotely interesting
part of the movie (Besides The Woman Who Looks Like
who looks like a girl I used to sleep with) was the
lead black girl

Mention that the Roxbury guy survives the knife because he plays a funny Alex
Trebec. However, the guy from Brain Candy gets it because the fucking, “I’m
Crushing Your Head.” Is one of the most overrated bits ever to gain notoriety in
Holy Grail crowd comedy circles, but he is an asshole for appearing in The
Ladies Man.