The Wonderful Climate of Memphis, TN.

Dave Brown, a Channel 5 Legend

EDITOR’S NOTE: I lived in Memphis, TN for 56 years. The best thing about Memphis are the 10 major highways leading AWAY from the City. To take your mind off the horrible climate and weather, the crime rate helps you try to forget the unlivable atmospheric conditions. Just Sayin’

Someone asked me about Memphis weather. I have plenty to say about this.

Ah, yes, Memphis weather. Memphis, TN hosts some of the most miserable weather on the planet.

SPRING– Yes, Spring. The glorious Spring where the cherry trees bloom, bees buzz and those lovely buttercups have long sprouted in their glory……NO! Chances are you will at some point be huddled in an interior closet with your precious Budgie and cat, praying that the impending tornadoes and severe thunderstorms will hit some obscure trailer-park in Frayser or Wynne Ark., instead of your beloved home. You have been listening to Dave Brown for 8 hours instead of watching Jerry and Oprah, and your nerves are already shredded.

This is Memphis in Spring, every year, without fail. If that is not enough, Spring also brings copious amount of pollen and other nasal challenges, plus the extra bonus of having your automobile, driveway, and everything else coated with that lovely green oak pollen. Finally, early Spring gives way to May, which is highlighted by Memphis in May, where you can expect downpours of Gilgamesh proportions, drowning Tom Lee Park and all of the participants. Some years mother nature decides to just put the entire park under water when the mighty Mississippi spills over its banks, driving the BBQ participants, fleeing for their lives, to the safer confines of Tiger Lane.

SUMMER– The violent Spring gives way to summer and the summers in Memphis are torrid, monotonous and unforgiving. The summers are so hot and humid that Memphis would need an Ice Age to make it habitable during this time of year. The summers have become epic, straining and breaking A/C units that must run continuously to combat the furnace like heat.

Even nightfall brings no solace and temperatures remain miserable and humidity levels soar. The heat rises off the baked earth like swarms of germs and these environmental conditions give rise to the second worst challenge for allergy sufferers, the dreaded mold spores, a Memphis specialty. Every day the forecast is the same, until at some point Mother Nature has had enough, boils over like an unattended witch’s cauldron. We then can experience a summer Derecho like Hurricane Elvis, that topples whatever trees were left standing by the Spring debacle of storms and tornadoes. Summer lingers, and lingers, and lingers, but take hope, glorious FALL is right around the corner!

FALL-It is widely anticipated as by the 4th of July everyone is already sick of the torrid Memphis summer. Yes, lower humidity, cooler nights, azure skies are things that those weary of heat and humidity dream about, a Memphis Fall. You love and anticipate Fall and Football, but as you are sweltering at Vaught-Hemingway Stadium at noon, watching Ole Miss demolish the University of Memphis team, you notice that the temperature is 99° with a heat index of 115° and it is…just like Summer. Summer gives way grudgingly, and more often than not nowadays, NOT AT ALL, as Fall is revealed as just a cruel extension of summer. When Fall finally does arrive in Memphis, High School football is already finished and you are eating Thanksgiving turkey leftovers.

WINTER-Winter in Memphis usually comes suddenly, after a failed Fall. Memphis is located at the northern boundary of the humid subtropical climate zone, so winters in Memphis are often cold, damp, cloudy and miserable. It snows a lot in Memphis, but the snow is cleverly disguised as rain, much to the consternation of the TV weather amateurs and hysterical school children and their parents. Bread and milk are stripped from retail stores at even a mention of frozen precipitation. No matter that the low is going to be 39° or higher on a warm ground (See: Fall), they mentioned snow! School closings? All it takes is for some redneck to dump a cooler of ice on his patio.

Memphis has a cool season maximum of precipitation, so count on plenty of clammy, drizzly days during the winter. When frozen precipitation DOES actually grace the Memphis area, it often comes in the form of freezing rain, which means you get all the misery, but none of the beauty of a nice snowfall. Temperatures can swing wildly in winter in Memphis, confusing plant and animal life, so if you see mosquitoes in January, don’t be surprised, you’re in Memphis.