Ram it Down
Theme: ThereÂs war in the streets, baby, and youÂd better be armed. Armed and fabulous, if you catch my drift.
Key lyric: ÂBodies revvinÂ in leather heaven in wonderÂ Lights are dimminÂ and heads are swimminÂ as thunder hits the stage.Â
Bath House Barometer: 4 – Sure, itÂs a fiery tune about the power of rock nÂ roll, but armies of men rarely gather in one place without at least a few flesh feasts breaking out. As an opening track, itÂs arguably PriestÂs best, and it sets the tone for the endless throbbing to come.
Theme: Power chords set the heart to racing, leading to all kinds of violent sexual behavior. ItÂs clear to see that without the music turning our young into zombies, not a single man among us would be blasted into incontinence.
Key lyric: ÂAn armour plated raging beast, thatÂs born of steel and leatherÂ It will survive against all odds, stampeding on forever.Â
Bath House Barometer: 7 – Hard cocks are eternal, and always on the prowl for fresh victims. ThereÂs also talk of Âtherapeutic healingÂ that canÂt help but act as a metaphor for ingesting a Halford protein shake.
Theme: Rob is waiting on his Harley, and you best not be late. ItÂs parked behind the tour bus, if youÂre having trouble.
Key lyric: ÂIÂm behind the wheel, throttle open wideÂ The gas tankÂs full, do you want a rideÂ DrivinÂ in the fast lane late at nightÂ I canÂt keep my eyes off your red tail light.Â
Bath House Barometer: 9 – Consider the key lyric. ÂThrottleÂ has been code for Âcavernous colonÂ in the gay underground since at least the late 1950Âs, and a Âfull tankÂ harkens to Peter NorthÂs unending stream of semenal fireworks. And whose ass wouldnÂt be red after taking on the whole goddamn band?
Come and Get It
Theme: You are a masochist. You like to be beaten, strangled, and left for dead. But only after being given a fresh coat by Rob, K.K., Glenn, Ian, Dave, and at least a dozen grizzled roadies.
Key lyric: ÂDo you like it heavy, do you love it meanÂ Do you want it dirty, we donÂt play it clean.Â
Bath House Barometer: 8 – Only a fool could miss the subtext. Sex with men, while the natural order in a metal universe, can lead to blindness. But youÂre still game. From being ÂhammeredÂ to equating the male orgasm with Âdynamite,Â itÂs all one can do to keep from being ravaged.
Hard as Iron
Theme: Jesus Christ on a cum rag, who needs a road map with a title like that?
Key lyric: ÂHard as iron, sharp as steelÂ Stop for no man, you better beg and kneel.Â
Bath House Barometer: 10 – Quite possible PriestÂs most outlandish call to arms, there isnÂt an S&M stone left unturned, and here, itÂs likely that after being forced to chug cock, feel the pinch until blood pours from your ass, and accept orgasms that literally cause the ground to break open, youÂre still not finished until this monster strangles you to death. And this guyÂs immortal, so weÂre all fucked.
Blood Red Skies
Theme: IÂm innocent, so if you try and arrest me, IÂll wipe out the fucking planet.
Key lyric: ÂFelt the hand of justiceÂ Telling wrong from rightÂ Threw me out upon the street, in the middle of the night.Â
Bath House Barometer: 2 – More a tale of the usual martyrdom than a sexual fantasy, though itÂs still not clear whether wrecking the planet involves at least one rape-induced orgasm. Typically, the subject of a Priest song is being given the shaft, though heÂs prepared to die if it means being spoken of with reverence in the years to come. Sounds like your average teenage assassin to me.
IÂm a Rocker
Theme: Metal superstars are the ultimate rebels, doing whatever they want, whenever they want. No mention of contractual obligations to the record company, however.
Key lyric: ÂIÂm a rocker, oh ohÂ .Do as I feel, as I sayÂ IÂm a rocker, oh ohÂ And no one can take that away.Â
Bath House Barometer: 2 – Being the least subtle band of all time, I doubt even JP intended this carte blanche attitude to include calling out random seat numbers and forcing the lucky audience members to come backstage and get raped. No, this is simply a rockerÂs life; free and clear, nice and easy, and, apparently, the genetic predisposition to fist pump.
Johnny B. Goode
No self-respecting Priest fan even admits that this song was recorded. And donÂt get me started on the movie with Anthony Michael Hall.
Love You to Death
Theme: Two interpretations circulate in the metal community. Either Rob is such a good lay that you happily die knowing it could never get better, or he broke into your bedroom (having already butchered mom and dad), tied you up, and pulverized shivering ass cheek until you expired. Not even hardened CSI investigators know what to make of it.
Key lyric: ÂIÂm cominÂ to the point, I canÂt hold backÂ Then you ease off with your attackÂ YouÂre the best IÂve had, if you pleaseÂ You never stop, you great big tease.Â
Bath House Barometer: 8 – Only a gay man would sodomize you against your will and insist that youÂve Âbeen the star of your own show.Â Still, itÂs fascinating that for a self-described cocksman of the most illustrious vintage, heÂs constantly having to force people to take his cock. I havenÂt heard from a willing participant since Stained Class.
Monsters of Rock
Theme: One of these days, the earth will split open, smoke and dirt will choke the sky, and a massive cock will devastate the landscape. ThatÂs the dream, anyway.
Key lyric: ÂFrom the concrete jungle, the smoke, the dirt, the grimeÂ Could not contain the hunger, it grew and grew in time.Â
Bath House Barometer: 7 – Written post-AIDS, this is perhaps the final gasp for the penis, as it would from thereon be accused of nearly every sexual crime under the sun. As such, the song is more myth than reality; a fantasy about consequence-free male lust made flesh.