Comfortable and Furious

Best Episode Ever: The A-Team – Labor Pains.

Why is this the best episode ever?

I’m not generally one to favor art because it advocates my political opinions, but this case was just too awesome to not sway me. The A-Team become union organizers. I mean they seriously walk around in fields handing out pro-union literature to the workers. This whole episode is wonton union propaganda, which is cool with me.

The A-Team? Godamn Comulist agimitators?

You know it baby! I was thinking, you’d never see a show like this today, even though the people who work on TV shows and movie are the beneficiaries of strong unions. Then I thought about it some more and I realized, you don’t really see much stuff like this any day. This episode is a real aberration in popular entertainment, and that alone makes it interesting.

So The A-Team happen upon some farm workers, or pickers, who have been lured out to a remote farming area with false promises. Once they got there, their boss let them rot in horrible conditions, with no means of leaving. So the A-Team propose that the pickers form a union and begin agitating to that end. The boss sends some union busters. But The A-Team are quite happy to play the role of union buster busters.

But was it fun?

Hell yes. The whole thing that makes the A-Team fun is them standing up to bullies. Like when a bully starts threatening Hannibal and he just gets this big fuck you grin on his face that says, “LMFAO we are going to beat the shit out of you and you have no clue it is coming.” What better platform could there be for this, than the A-Team versus a crooked, exploitative agribusiness fuck who is barely feeding his workers and forcing them to live in tents, without plumbing or medical attention?

What could be more satisfying than The A-Team beating up union busters?

Well, I made a list:

  1. Quarterbacking your team to a Super Bowl victory over The Patriots and then banging Gisele Bndchen and her being blown away by how much better you are in bed than Tom Brady and begging you to replace him in her life but you’re like, “sorry babe. I was born for the open road.”

That’s the list.

What about winning the Nobel Peace Prize?

No. It seems like you have to kill a bunch of people to get that, and me and The A-Team don’t roll like that.

Does one of the toadies act all tough until he meets BA?

Yeah, there’s a great scene where they are handing out the literature, and one of the boss’s toadies tries to act tough. I think toadies might be even worse than their bosses, because while the bosses are fucking people over for millions, the toadies do it for peanuts and to feel like big men, which they somehow achieve by being someone’s lackey. The Minutemen had a song about it. At least that’s what I think it was about. I don’t really pay attention to lyrics most of the time.

Anyway, it goes something like:

Toady: You’re getting these people’s minds off of their work. Move or I drop you.

Face: Maybe you’d care to check with our union representative.

Toady: Union rep? What are you talking about?

What preposterous non-lethal weapon did the A-Team engineer, even though they were armymen who had a bunch of guns?

This was really the low point of the episode. Sometimes the A-Team’s spontanious inventions could be pretty cool. Sometimes they could be kind of silly, but funny. This one was just retarded. I wanted it to be so bad it’s good but it didn’t quite get there.

What was it?

Well, they took some kind of farm equipment, like a hay bailer or something, and repurposed it to shoot heads of cabbage. And, it really doesn’t shoot the heads of cabbage with much velocity at all. Like, by the time they are hitting their targets, they are about to fall out of the air. So you have about a dozen armed hicks, storming the A-Teams barn with shotguns and Face is holding this big tube and shooting cabbages at them and when they get hit the cabbage knocks the shotguns out of their hands and they fly backwards. There are also some parts of this scene where the A-Team just beat their asses so its not a total loss.

Do The A-Team win?

Of course! After they kick the shit out of the toadies and their capitalist pig of a boss, they notify them that the pickers have voted to start a union. Everyone seems convinced that the apparatus of the national union will be sufficient to prevent further abuses. If not, The A-Team can always be called back to town to cabbage some ass.