Comfortable and Furious

Friday the 13th: Part 2


Alice, lone survivor from Part 1, ice pick to the temple after finding a head in the fridge.

Ralph, Prophet of Doom from Part 1, strangled with barbed wire, dies pinned to tree.

Unknown cop, resident asshole, hammer slammed into back of head after chasing Jason back to his lair.

Scott, resident hunk, throat sliced while hanging upside down in animal trap, bathed in blood.

Mark, sensitive cripple, machete slammed into well-coifed head, wheelchair plummets down flight of stairs in cruel Reagan-era mockery of non-existent ramps.

Jeff & Sandra, resident sex-crazed couple, pinned to bed with spear immediately following orgasms.

Vickie, cripple’s sweetheart, stabbed in chest and/or stomach, dies not having ridden the gimp.

Paul, head cheese at the camp, mysteriously killed off-screen after Jason bursts through window at the end.

Make-out sessions/fuck-fests:

Only three this time out. Sure, there’s a lot of flirting and innuendo, but the reputation of these films as sex romps is highly exaggerated. That said, every single person who removes an article of clothing is murdered within thirty seconds. Curiously, the one known virgin, Ted, escapes with his life, though his whereabouts are unknown. I think they left him at the bar in town.

Biblical overtones:

Given that Jason is alive and well, the resurrection motif holds firm. Only his ministry is to butcher American youth for becoming soulless sex fiends without moral guidance. And when Jason’s mask is removed after he is presumed dead, Paul whispers, Jesus Once again, when the killing is about to begin in full force, the rains come, complete with thunder, lightning, and the limitless wrath of God.

Memorable lines:

The resident nerd, Ted, tells the following joke: “What’s brown and sits on a piano?” Beethoven’s last movement.” It does not get him laid.

Signs of the Times:

In addition to the shortest shorts on record, there are half-shirts galore and, in a novel twist, not a single boob job to be found.

What surprised you?

Six full minutes of flashbacks to start the thing? Christ, the first film was only a year prior; this wasn’t the gap between Scenes from a Marriage and Saraband, for fuck’s sake. And who knew that insanely strong undead Christ figures could also be felled with a kick to the groin?

Examples of superhuman strength:

Jason has nothing on his hard-ass mother, but the man can slam a spear through two bodies and a mattress without breaking a sweat. Jason also easily shakes off flying leaps through windows, fists punched into walls and doors, repeated blows to the head and torso, and, well, fucking drowning twenty-five years before.

Coolest moment:

After plunging a sharp object deep into Alice’s brain, Jason is courteous enough to remove a whistling kettle from the stove. And kudos to the editor for his laser-like precision in making the exact moment of Mark’s death the same split-second Jeff blew his wad inside Sandra.

Bits & Pieces:

Jason’s potato sack headgear is a clear nod to 1980’s The Elephant Man.



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