Starring Debuts #14: Emily Lloyd in Wish You Were Here (1987)

Film Title

Wish You Were Here

Synopsis

A teenage girl fights stifling conformity in a postwar English seaside town

Director

David Leland

Cast

Emily Lloyd
Tom Bell
Geoffrey Hutchings
Jesse Birdsall

That arch wit Morrissey obviously knows a thing or two about holidaying in dismal seaside towns. Just listen to the brilliant Everyday is Like Sunday in which he dreamily yearns for such places to be bombed: This is the coastal town that they forgot to close down. Armageddon, come Armageddon! Come, Armageddon, come! Everyday is […]

A Handful of 80s British Classics

“Don’t threaten me with a dead fish!” Full marks if you can recognize an indignant Withnail trying to be tough with a gruff poacher in a pub. As far as British movies go, Withnail and I gets my vote as the decade’s best alongside the perpetually bewildered Harold Shand in The Long Good Friday. Now […]

Starring debuts #13: Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV (1985)

Look, I’m not gay. Yes, I love The Wizard of Oz and did once find myself in a gay nightclub via a drunken youthful mistake, but don’t go trying to give me all that lady doth protest too much shit. I’m not gay. All right? Saying that, I must confess to a sneaking admiration for […]

Starring debuts #12: Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate (1967)

Film Title

The Graduate

Synopsis

A newly graduated boy-man tries to make his way in life

Director

Mike Nichols

Cast

Dustin Hoffman
Anne Bancroft
Katharine Ross
Murray Hamilton
William Daniels
Elizabeth Wilson

There’s a scene in The Graduate where Benjamin Braddock (Hoffman) is lying supine on a hotel bed while Mrs. Robinson (Bancroft), the sophisticated older woman who’s introduced him to the mysteries of sex, sits alongside clad in a black bra slowly unbuttoning his white shirt and running her hands over his smooth chest. Accompanied by […]

Annoying Fuckers

Most people are annoying. It doesn’t matter whether they’re a droning colleague, that snarky online twat who just won’t see sense, some random queue jumper, a younger sibling, the halitosis-afflicted taxi driver taking the long way round, a right wing foreign president, a neighbor loudly playing music or that hotty in the supermarket who looks […]

Fucked-Up Films #2: Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS (1975)

Film Title

Ilsa:She Wolf of the SS

Synopsis

Mein Gott!

Director

Don Edmonds

Cast

Dyanne Thorne
Gregory Knoph
Tony Mumolo
Richard Kennedy
George Buck Flower

What are these sick bastards doing? Obviously inspired by Dr Josef Mengele’s ‘pioneering’ work in Auschwitz, this is a flick that concentrates on the more extreme Nazi obsessions. Ilsa (Thorne) is a ‘fraulein doctor’ in charge of a small medical experimentation camp that at first glance looks like a converted garden center. She’s aided by […]

Staring Debuts #11:Jeffrey Combs in Re-Animator (1985)

Film Title

Re-Animator

Synopsis

A medical student becomes infatuated with the reanimation of dead tissue. Birth is always painful.

Director

Stuart Gordon

Cast

Jeffrey Combs
Bruce Abbott
David Gale
Barbara Crampton
Robert Sampson

It’s apt that Herbert West (Combs) resembles both Harry Potter and Scottish necrophile Dennis Nilsen. His small stature and precocious schoolboy looks suggest he’s harmless, enabling him to obscure a deep-rooted fascination with corpses while committing murder if necessary. It’s a plum role, all right, and Combs seizes it with such memorable relish that he […]

Fucked-Up Films #1: The Exterminator (1980)

Film Title

The Exterminator

Synopsis

Life is war whether you’re in Nam or the Big Apple

Director

James Glickenhaus

Cast

Robert Ginty
Christopher George
Steve James
Samantha Eggar

I have a clear recollection of standing in a video shop aged twelve with On Golden Pond on one side and The Exterminator on the other. I can’t remember too much about the cover of the first, except it featured smiley old farts and had the word pond in the title. Even at that tender […]

Frenzy (1972)

Film Title

Frenzy

Synopsis

Necktie party has new meaning in this Hitchcock thriller

Director

Alfred Hitchcock

Cast

Jon Finch
Barry Foster
Alec McCowen
Barbara Leigh-Hunt
Anna Massey
Billie Whitelaw
Bernard Cribbins

Hitch does tits! Well, there’s a bit more to this blackly comic, London-based thriller than bare breasts, but they’re the most obvious sign the legendary director had embraced the early seventies’ newfound freedoms. Frenzy is graphic at times, much more so than other serial killer efforts such as Shadow of a Doubt and Psycho, but […]

Bitches

My all-time favorite bitch remains She’s Ayesha, a spectacularly malevolent girly who is happy to murder lovers, execute slaves en masse and ponce around in public wearing an over-feathered ceremonial outfit that makes her look like a mad chicken queen. Fucking ace, and I once had a girlfriend just like her. Still, much as I […]