Bitches

My all-time favorite bitch remains She’s Ayesha, a spectacularly malevolent girly who is happy to murder lovers, execute slaves en masse and ponce around in public wearing an over-feathered ceremonial outfit that makes her look like a mad chicken queen. Fucking ace, and I once had a girlfriend just like her. Still, much as I […]

Seconds (1966)

Film Title

Seconds

Synopsis

A middle-aged man wants out

Director

John Frankenheimer

Cast

Rock Hudson
John Randolph
Salome Jens
Will Geer
Murray Hamilton

Sinead O’Connor called her fantastic second album I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got, although she could’ve just said I Want What I’ve Got. But what if you no longer want what you’ve got? What happens if all your responsibilities, connections and habits are nothing but burdens? Given the chance, would you cast them […]

Hard Bastards

During the 1980s Mike Tyson was an important part of my adolescence. Not that we used to spar or anything, but I used to love running downstairs on a Sunday morning to catch ITV’s delayed transmission of the previous night’s big title fight in which he’d undoubtedly battered the shit out of some poor fucker […]

Newman, Old Brilliance

Paul Newman’s glorious cinematic career was brought to an end by a machine gun-toting Tom Hanks. “I’m glad it’s you,” he says to his imminent murderer during the rain-soaked finale of Road to Perdition. Of course, this sort of far-fetched rubbish (patiently waiting to be gunned down before paying a compliment to your assassin) can […]

Hurt, He’s Gone

“Bring this guy some Pepto-Bismol!” a fellow diner yells as a choking, panic-stricken John Hurt collapses onto the table in the 1987 sci-fi spoof, Spaceballs. Moments later an alien bursts through his midriff. “Oh, no…” Hurt cries while looking down his body at its malevolent, twitching head. “Not again!” His cameo is about the best […]

Blaxploitation #7: Trick Baby (1972)

Film Title

Trick Baby

Synopsis

Two con men stumble upon the chance of a big pay day

Director

Larry Yust

Cast

Kiel Martin
Mel Stewart
Vernee Watson
Dallas Edward-Hayes
Beverly Ballard

What the hell are these cats up to? White Folks (Martin) and Blue Howard (Stewart) are two Philadelphian hustlers. Blue’s black and a lot older, having taught Folks the tricks of the trade. I guess it’s important to know Folks is a trick baby, the product of a brief (and no doubt delightful) union between […]

Never Take Sweets (a.k.a. Candy) from a Stranger (1960)

Film Title

Never Take Sweets From A Stranger

Synopsis

A little girl dances naked in front of a town’s powerful stalwart in return for candy. Her parents aren’t impressed.

Director

Cyril Frankel

Cast

Patrick Allen
Gwen Watford
Janina Faye
Bill Nagy
Felix Aylmer
Frances Green

Some movies are way ahead of their time. Michael Powell’s Peeping Tom is a good example, a voyeuristic horror pic centering on a serial killer filming his victims’ last moments while stabbing them through the throat. People just weren’t ready for that kind of sicko shit in 1960, the revulsion apparently resulting in the revered […]

She (1965)

Film Title

She

Synopsis

An English archaeologist and two companions stumble upon a lost city in East Africa. She is there.



Cast

Ursula Andress
Bernard Cribbins
Peter Cushing
John Richardson
Christopher Lee
George Pastell

Do you have a favorite little movie that somehow doesn’t get the recognition it deserves? You know, a flick that’s pretty much always met with scorn, lukewarm reviews and general disdain. Year after year you keep expecting the love to materialize, especially as there are so many filmgoers out there gushing over what can only […]

A Handful of 90s British Classics

The nineties was the last great decade for movies. Here we had the likes of Goodfellas, Unforgiven, Pulp Fiction, Thelma and Louise, Fargo, Se7en, Silence of the Lambs and Schindler’s List while (as detailed below) those Limey bastards also coughed up a good few belters. Yes, terrific movies still get made post-2000 (e.g. Requiem for […]

Starring debuts #10: Bo Derek in 10 (1979)

Film Title

10

Synopsis

A middle-aged man risks everything by pursuing a new bride

Director

Blake Edwards

Cast

Dudley Moore
Julie Andrews
Bo Derek
Robert Webber
Brian Dennehy
Dee Wallace

Bo Derek is actually rated a Spinal Tap-esque 11 in this successful sex comedy but that still might be underscoring her. She looks sensational here and it’s not hard to see why George Webber (Moore) gets hit by an Apollonian thunderbolt as he mundanely waits in his open top Roller at a Californian stop sign. […]