Author: Jonny
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Ghost World
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Read more: Ghost WorldSo funny yet so sad that you feel guilty about your laughter.
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Extreme Prejudice
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Read more: Extreme PrejudiceStubborn good beats Sexy bad.
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Commando
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Read more: CommandoHomoeroticism? More than you could possibly imagine. I mean all the crap about Arnold being Der Gropin’fuhrer was just a rightwing-ruse to distract Californians from the fact that Schwarzenegger has starred in the single gayest movie ever made.
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Predator
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Read more: PredatorHomoeroticism? Unchartable. Unprecedented. Unfathomable. Undeniable. Off the frigging scale, man!
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Red Heat
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Read more: Red HeatTagline: “Moscow’s toughest detective. Chicago’s craziest cop. There’s only one thing worse than making them mad. Making them partners.” Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Russian Asshole and Polish Cop Kill Drug Dealers. Homoeroticism: ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! Gayest of all 80s Action films! ALERT! In Indian movies, sex is represented by…
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Emperor of The North Pole
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Read more: Emperor of The North PoleErnest Borgnine beats a hobo in the head with a hammer, causing said hobo to fall from the train and get cut into two pieces.
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The Polar Express
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Read more: The Polar ExpressJonny is Jewish.
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Die Hard
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Read more: Die HardScumbags, Cokeheads and Stupid Chiefs all suck, Ka-boom.
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The Thing (1982)
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Read more: The Thing (1982)Kurt Russell and his hat burn several aliens dead.
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Aliens (1986)
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Read more: Aliens (1986)Bitches man, bitches.