F9: The Fast Saga

Film Title

F9: The Fast Saga

Synopsis

It’s a Dom Dom Movie

Director

Justin Lin

Cast

Vin Diesel
Michelle Rodriguez
Jordana Brewster
Tyrese Gibson
Charlize Theron
Helen Mirren
Kurt Russell

“F9” – Dumb a thousand times. F9 is one the dumbest movies I have ever seen. It was so dumb, rather than waste brain cells and precious time thinking about this travesty, I considered just writing the word “dumb” one thousand times and calling it a review. That is what this movie deserves. But, the […]

The Boogeyman (2023)

Film Title

The Boogeyman

Synopsis

Reliving childhood fears

Director

Rob Savage

Cast

Sophie Thatcher
David Dastmalchian
Chris Massina
LisaGay Hamilton
Madison Hu
Vivien Lyra Blair

“The Boogeyman” – Reliving childhood fears. My first scary movie was the original Poltergeist. I was around eight years old at the time and my dad thought it would be a good idea to let me watch it. He was wrong. I distinctly remember being terrified by the scene where Robbie is dragged under the […]

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Film Title

The Little Mermaid

Synopsis

A young mermaid trades her voice for legs

Director

Rob Marshall

Cast

Halle Bailey
John Hauer-King
Melissa McCarthy
Javier Bardem
Awkwafina

“The Little Mermaid (2023)” – The Voice. With the release of the live-action remake of The Little Mermaid, Disney will almost assuredly see its last billion-dollar box office remake of a beloved classic. Like The Lion King, Aladdin, and Beauty and the Beast before it, The Little Mermaid will benefit from my generation reminiscing about […]

How to Create a Film Fan in Five Easy Flicks

My cousin doesn’t understand my work, movies bore him, he says, but I don’t blame him, since in his mid-twenties and according to him has never seen a black and white movie all the way through his cinema appreciation is in the dumps. Double that the only movies he’s actually seen have been post 2000s, […]

ISA Investment Review – The Best Investment Platform for Everyone

Introduction Investing in the stock market can be a great way to grow your wealth over time. However, many people are intimidated by the stock market and don’t know where to start. That’s where ISA Investment comes in. ISA Investment is a broker that makes it easy for anyone to invest in the stock market, […]

The Insult of Cocaine Bear is Greater Than its Mere Crapitude

I.. Am. Dismayed. Dismayed and adrift. Dismayed, adrift, unseen and ignored. What brought me to this lowly state? Why, I’ll tell you. ON NO LESS THAN NINE OCCASIONS has Hollywood passed on my Kiplingesque treatment of nature by making Cocaine Bear…an insult I have not seen and will not see, but the pain, the sting, […]

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3

Film Title

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3

Synopsis

Come and get your love

Director

James Gunn

Cast

Chris Pratt
Zoe Saldana
Bradley Cooper
Chukwudi Iwuji
Dave Bautista
Vin Diesel
Karen Gillan
Will Poulter

Audiences seem genuinely confused by the current slate of MCU offerings and what to expect going forward. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever were both quite good. But Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania was only okay, Ms. Marvel was a waste of time, She-Hulk: Attorney at Law did not […]

Assassin’s Creed (2016)

Film Title

Assassin's Creed

Synopsis

A bad review of a really lousy movie

Director

Justin Kurzel

Cast

Michael Fassbender
Marion Cottilard
Jeremy Irons
Brendan Gleeson
Michael K. Williams

Time travel really messes with… Wait. Didn’t I do this all ready? I probably did. But because we are, all of us, inside The Singularity right now, that really doesn’t matter anymore, because out here, things like ‘didn’t’ and ‘here’ are just these outdated concepts from some ancient, brutal, ape-like species, living on some tiny […]

Sisu (2022)

Film Title

Sisu

Synopsis

Silence is Golden

Director

Jalmari Helander

Cast

Jorma Tommila
Mimosa Willamo
Askel Hennie
Jack Doolan
Tatu Sinisalo

“Sisu” – Silence is golden. Aatami (Jorma Tommila), the main character in Sisu, has two lines of dialogue in the film’s entire ninety-minute runtime. Both of them occur at the film’s end and neither of them define the word sisu. According to another character, Aino (Mimosa Willamo), sisu is a Finnish concept that cannot be […]

80’s Action Is No Laughing Matter: Part 2

Chuck Norris in Firewalker Loathed by the critics, Chuck’s first shot at comedy in 1986 was a box-office dud that helped finish off his benefactor Cannon Films. Good work, son. Plusses: I couldn’t really follow the premise, but we end up with two adventurers and a pretty bird trying to find buried treasure in Central […]

80’s Action Is No Laughing Matter: Part One

You’ve heard the sayings. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Variety is the spice of life. A change is as good as a rest. And so on. Well, for most actors it’s straightforward to enjoy a wide range of roles, but action stars do have a tendency to plough the same bullet-ridden furrow. […]