F9: The Fast Saga

Film Title

F9: The Fast Saga

Synopsis

It’s a Dom Dom Movie

Director

Justin Lin

Cast

Vin Diesel
Michelle Rodriguez
Jordana Brewster
Tyrese Gibson
Charlize Theron
Helen Mirren
Kurt Russell

“F9” – Dumb a thousand times. F9 is one the dumbest movies I have ever seen. It was so dumb, rather than waste brain cells and precious time thinking about this travesty, I considered just writing the word “dumb” one thousand times and calling it a review. That is what this movie deserves. But, the […]

The Wizard Of Ahs -or- Please Stay On That Goldbrick Road, Dorothy

Follow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City where the Wizard of Humongous Metaphors will grant the key to this classic. “Oh Toto, Why couldn’t we have been swept up in an allegory for the Spanish-American War or Swine Flu or something?” That’s right. Didn’t know you were watching a 19th century economic sermon […]

Early Days: Part Two

Blaxploitation As you probably know, I likes me a bit of blaxploitation, even though much of it was an unashamed rip-off of whatever whitey was up to. Westerns, horror, crime, comedies… the blacks always had some sort of crappy facsimile to hand as typified by the likes of Blacula and Black Shampoo. Well, everyone’s gotta […]

Beetlejuice (1988)

Film Title

Beetlejuice

Synopsis

A New England couple is dismayed to find death more complicated and chaotic than life.

Director

Tim Burton

Cast

Alec Baldwin
Geena Davis
Michael Keaton
Winona Ryder
Jeffrey Jones
Catherine O'Hara
Glenn Shadix
Sylvia Sydney

Beetlejuice is a wildly outrageous film made by the great Tim Burton. This is a film that demands multiple viewings to be fully appreciated. Beetlejuice was initially supposed to be a horror movie, but the performances by Michael Keaton as the unhinged bio-exorcist, the unfortunate dead couple, Adam and Barbara, and the whacky trio that […]

Early Days: Part One

By Dave Franklin I’ve met a handful of folk who insist old movies are boring. They don’t like stuff from cinema’s greatest decade, the 1970s, because it’s slow or the special effects aren’t as good or the hairdos are silly. Anyhow, after I’ve stabbed these ignoramuses and they’ve begun to recover from the shock, I […]

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Film Title

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Synopsis

Giant sharks again fill this air. This time from Washington D.C. to Orlando Florida

Director

Anthony C. Ferrante

Cast

Ian Ziering
Tara Reid
Mark Cuban
Bo Derek
David Hasselhoff
Ann Coulter

Reviewing any Sharknado movie is an exercise in utter chaos, so for this deep dive (I am truly sorry for the pun) into Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, I will basically just be transcribing my frenzied, disbelieving notes, but cleaned up and tweaked into coherent sentences and paragraphs. Or so I hope. I’ve seen three […]

The Northman

Film Title

The Northman

Synopsis

A Robert Eggers Viking Epic

Director

Robert Eggers

Cast

Alexander Skarsgard
Nicole Kidman
Willem DaFoe
Claes Bang
Ethan Hawke
Anya Taylor-Joy
Gustav Lindh

The Northman – Alexander Skarsgard is tight. My main goal in writing film reviews is to entertain you while I tell you about a movie. While I can’t even sniff the same comedic galaxy as Pitch Meeting or Honest Trailers, I do my best to come up with jokes to make your read slightly less […]

How to Rank Up Fast in League of Legends – 5 Pro Tips

League of Legends, as you know, is the leader of the MOBA genre in the game industry. It has millions of players with its competitive gameplay and diverse champion pool. As the number of players is so high, it increases the competition and also causes the level of toxicity to increase. This is exactly why […]

Fucked Up Films #4 -Deep River Savages/AKA Man from Deep River/AKA Il paese del sesso selvaggio/AKA Sacrifice

Film Title

Deep River Savages/AKA Man from Deep River

Synopsis

A Club 18-30 holiday for the most ardent of masochists

Director

Umberto Lenzi

Cast

Ivan Rassimov
Me Me Lai
Pratitsak Singhara
Sullalewan Suxantat
Ong Ard

What are these sick bastards doing? I don’t think I caught the hero’s name, but given his wondrous flaxen mane I shall refer to him as Blonde Magnificence. Really, his flowing tresses are on a par with Klaus Kinski and Rutger Hauer. No idea if this dude graduated to playing a Nazi but, believe me, […]

Commando

Film Title

Commando

Synopsis

Meet Arnie. He eats Green Berets for breakfast.

Director

Mark L. Lester

Cast

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Rae Dawn Chong
Alyssa Milano
Vernon Wells
Dan Hedaya
Bill Duke
David Patrick Kelley

If you’re the sort of guy who dresses his semi-automatic rifle in a see-through negligee just before beddy-byes and snuggles up tight while dreaming about his erect penis turning into the aforementioned weapon and walking butt-naked down the street spraying cock bullets at all those other puny men, then Commando is the one for you. […]

Starring debuts #16: Aaron Eckhart in In the Company of Men (1997)

Film Title

In The Company Of Men

Synopsis

Misogyny! Hooray! Or is it?

Director

Neil LaBute

Cast

Aaron Eckhart
Matt Malloy
Stacy Edwards

Perhaps the key scene in Neil LaBute’s caustic debut is the one in which business exec Chad (Eckhart) gets a junior colleague to expose himself. It’s during this brief humiliation that we grasp Company’s true interest: the increasingly unpleasant methods Chad will use to clamber over other men in the workplace. A fair chunk of […]