The Lost City of Z

Film Title

The Lost City of Z

Synopsis

The boring life story of Percy Fawcett, a British explorer who never finds what he’s looking for, but does leave his wife and family multiple times.

Director

James Gray

Cast

Charlie Hunnam
Sienna Miller
Tom Holland
Robert Pattinson
Angus MacFadyen

As you might already know, I’m a huge fan of history. Whenever there is a movie about a historical event, I’m in. I did not know that The Lost City of Z was non-fiction, having not read the book, nor did I do any research prior to the screening. All I knew about it was […]

Gifted

Film Title

Gifted

Synopsis

A young math prodigy becomes the poster child for an old George Carlin rant.

Director

Marc Webb

Cast

Chris Evans
McKenna Grace
Octavia Spencer
Lindsay Duncan
Jenny Slate

In 1999, George Carlin recorded a set called You Are All Diseased, in which he did a segment ranting about the then current obsession with children. Not that that obsession has abated at all over the last two decades, but he specifically went off about parents overloading their children with structure and play dates. After […]

Going in Style

Film Title

Going in Style

Synopsis

Old guys a rob a bank in an unfunny way.

Director

Zach Braff

Cast

Morgan Freeman
Michael Caine
Alan Arkin
Ann-Margret
Matt Dillon
Christopher Lloyd
Joey King

To quote myself from my Beauty and the Beast review, “I realize I am not the intended audience for this film.” The difference with Going in Style is that I should be. Just because the average age of its three stars (Morgan Freeman, Alan Arkin, and Michael Caine) is 82 doesn’t mean that non-octogenarians can’t […]

Ghost in the Shell

Film Title

Ghost in the Shell

Director

Rupert Sanders

Cast

Scarlett Johansson
Peter Ferdinando
Michael Pitt
Pilou Asbaek
Chin Han
Juliette Binoche

What do you get when you cross Blade Runner with Robocop and sprinkle in a little Johnny Mnemonic? A movie during which I almost fell asleep. Twice. To be fair, I had to wake up before five o’clock that morning to get to a meeting, but a loss of an hour of sleep isn’t enough […]

Life

Film Title

Life

Synopsis

Six astronauts wreck the International Space Station while fighting with a Martian smarter than them.

Director

Daniel Espinosa

Cast

Ryan Reynolds
Rebecca Ferguson
Olga Dihovichnaya
Ariyon Bakare
Hiroyuki Sanada
Jake Gyllenhaal

Don’t you hate it when the first half of a movie is really good and the second half is a mess of shit? Welcome to Life, a movie that builds some of the best tension I’ve seen in years, then loses its mind in the interest of novelty deaths. Life reminded me a lot of […]

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Film Title

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Synopsis

Disney proves, yet again, that you don’t actually care about how many reboots, remakes, sequels, or franchise films there are.

Director

Bill Condon

Cast

Emma Watson
Dan Stevens
Kevin Kline
Luke Evans
Josh Gad
Ewan McGregor
Gugu Mbatha-Raw
Audra MacDonald
Emma Thompson
Stanley Tucci
Ian McKellan

I get that I am not the audience for Beauty and the Beast. I am not a fan of musicals. I am not a ten-year-old girl who doesn’t care about plot holes or young women being held against their will. I do not find buffaloes attractive, not even rich, royal buffaloes. I do not care […]

Kong: Skull Island

Film Title

Kong: Skull Island

Synopsis

Monkey see, monkey kill.

Director

Jordan Vogt-Roberts

Cast

Tom Hiddleston
Samuel L. Jackson
John Goodman
Brie Larson
Jing Tian
Toby Kebbell
John Ortiz
Corey Hawkins
John C. Reilly

After nearly forty years living on Earth, it’s not often that movies surprise me, but when they do it’s like I’m eight years old at Christmas again. When you’re an adult opening presents, you almost always know what’s inside that wrapping paper, but when you’re eight, that package could contain anything from an action figure […]

Table 19

Film Title

Table 19

Synopsis

The longest wedding reception ever.

Director

Jeffrey Blitz

Cast

Anna Kendrick
Lisa Kudrow
Craig Robinson
June Squibb
Wyatt Russell
Stephen Merchant
Tony Revolori

As we discussed our opinions of Table 19 following its screening, one person mentioned that there are hardly any romantic comedies being made these days. After thinking about it for a moment, I realized the only one I could think of from 2016 was Deadpool. It is too a romantic comedy, just a guy’s romantic […]

Logan

Film Title

Logan

Synopsis

Wolverine fights old age, an old man, a ten-year old, a terminator arm, and himself.

Director

James Mangold

Cast

Hugh Jackman
Patrick Stewart
Dafne Keen
Stephen Merchant
Boyd Holbrook
Richard E. Grant
Elizabeth Rodriguez

As I’ve said on multiple occasions, you probably aren’t going to find more of a Wolverine homer than yours truly. I inexplicably told you to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine twice and gushed about The Wolverine without mentioning how kind of terrible the Silver Samurai was portrayed (though I stand by The Wolverine being an excellent […]

The Great Wall

Film Title

The Great Wall

Synopsis

Monsters order dinner from Chinese takeout menu.

Director

Zhang Yimou

Cast

Matt Damon
Jing Tian
Pedro Pascal
Willem Dafoe
Andy Lau

I’m not sure how, but I managed to avoid trailers for The Great Wall until the night before the screening. I wasn’t even trying to avoid them, I just hadn’t seen any for this particular movie. Prior to seeing that trailer, I thought The Great Wall was a historical fiction in the vein of Tom […]