I’m not sure how, but I managed to avoid trailers for The Great Wall until the night before the screening. I wasn’t even trying to avoid them, I just hadn’t seen any for this particular movie. Prior to seeing that trailer, I thought The Great Wall was a historical fiction in the vein of Tom […]
Film TitleThe Great Wall
Monsters order dinner from Chinese takeout menu.
Film TitleFist Fight
A terrified horse tries to escape from a demented high school.
I wish someone had punched me in the face when I decided to watch this movie. Even before I said it out loud, just thinking that thought should have caused someone to run through my door and cold-cock me. I knew – KNEW –Fist Fight was going to be a terrible movie after watching the […]
Film TitleThe Lego Batman Movie
Showing Zach Snyder how to make a good DC Comics movie.
Here’s the truth – I wanted to see The Lego Batman Movie as much as my 4-year old son. We’ve been slowly building a Lego city in our basement over the past year and I love watching his little imagination work. I also love feeling like a kid myself. So this is the perfect movie […]
Film TitleJohn Wick: Chapter 2
Knee shot, head shot. Knee shot, head shot.
It’s been two and a half years since John Wick murdered scores of people over a dead dog and stolen car and I still don’t understand how that movie scored an 85% critic rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It was easily one of the worst written movies of 2014 that somehow got a complete pass because […]
Film TitleThe Space Between Us
Bored Martian teenager acts just like bored Earth teenager – Skyping, ignoring parents, and stealing cars.
My immediate impression of The Space Between Us was it was cute, I guess. That might be the last nice thing I say about this film because I spent the last twenty-four hours realizing that it’s kind of bad. Then I looked up the current Rotten Tomatoes score and…oh. Oh no. 11%? It wasn’t that […]
Matthew McConaughey drives his gold-filled Lincoln from Indonesia to New York City
Bryce Dallas Howard
Craig T. Nelson
The first thing you are going to do after watching Gold is look up the actual story the film is based on. Actually, the real first thing you are going to do after watching Gold is find a Lincoln commercial so as to try to get the image of fat, comb-over, snaggle-tooth Matthew McConaughey out […]