The Way Back

Film Title

The Way Back

Synopsis

The tale of an alcoholic, now featuring high school basketball.

Director

Gavin O'Connor

Cast

Ben Affleck
Al Madrigal
Michaela Watkins
Janina Gavankar
Brandon Wilson
Jeremy Radin

Yellow-bellied and lily-livered. The last time I played organized basketball, I was a sophomore in high school. Our team sucked. We finished the season 1-11, mostly due to the fact that we were playing against teams featuring kids who could dunk (we could not), but also the fact that our coach was an idiot. He […]

Onward

Film Title

Onward

Synopsis

A young boy learns a lesson in fantasy. Plus, magic pants.

Director

Dan Scanlon

Cast

Tom Holland
Chris Pratt
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Octavia Spencer
Mel Rodriguez

Are elves aliens? The thoughts of a seven-year old are amazing, especially that he is taking care not to spoil too much. Here are some of those thoughts about the latest Pixar movie, Onward. Alright, what’s the movie we’re talking about right now?Onward. What is Onward?It’s a movie. What is the movie Onward about?These kids, […]

The Invisible Man (2020)

Film Title

The Invisible Man (2020)

Synopsis

An abusive relationship taken to the next, next level.

Director

Leigh Whannell

Cast

Elisabeth Moss
Aldis Hodge
Harriet Dyer
Storm Reid
Oliver Jacskon-Cohen
Michael Dorman

See what I mean? There have been plenty of adaptations of H.G. Wells’ classic The Invisible Man, going all the way back to 1933. My personal experience covers the pretty bad Hollow Man (featuring Kevin Bacon) and hot garbage that is The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, not to mention the original novel itself. Based on […]

Sonic the Hedgehog

Film Title

Sonic the Hedgehog

Synopsis

Run Sonic, RUN!

Director

Jeff Fowler

Cast

James Marsden
Jim Carrey
Ben Schwartz
Tika Sumpter

Fair enough. My son was looking forward to seeing Sonic for weeks. I was not as enthusiastic, but such are the sacrifices a parent makes for his kid. Unlike him, my memory of Sonic goes all the way back to the original Sega Genesis game, not to mention I also remember many crappy movies based […]

Downhill

Film Title

Downhill

Synopsis

A family goes on a ski trip and there is nothing about that.

Director

Nat Faxon, Jim Rash

Cast

Will Ferrell
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Miranda Otto
Zoe Chao
Zach Woods
Julian Grey
Ammon Jacob Ford

Dear cruel world. The advantage in avoiding all trailers for a movie is that you do not know what is coming. Unfortunately, that is also the danger. What little I knew going into the screening of Downhill was that it starred Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus and was about a family on ski trip. IMDb […]

Birds of Prey

Film Title

Birds of Prey

Synopsis

Harley Quinn’s post break-up story.

Director

Cathy Yan

Cast

Margot Robbie
Ewan McGregor
Rosie Perez
Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Jurnee Smollett-Bell
Chris Messina
Ella Jay Basco

Don’t oversell it. Watching a DC Extended Universe (DCEU) movie is a bit like Charlie Brown trying to kick Lucy’s football. Every time you line up the kick, she promises that, this time, she won’t pull it away. By now, you have slipped four discs in your spine, bruised your tailbone, dislocated a hip, and […]

The Gentlemen

Film Title

The Gentlemen

Synopsis

A smooth-talking drug lord tries to sell his marijuana business, which is still illegal in 2020 somehow.

Director

Guy Ritchie

Cast

Matthew McConaughey
Charlie Hunnam
Michelle Dockery
Hugh Grant
Jeremy Strong
Henry Golding
Colin Farrell
Eddie Marsan

Travel well indeed. Guy Ritchie needed a win. After the success of his two Sherlock Holmes films in 2009 and 2011, people largely ignored the very good The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015), King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017) was an unmitigated disaster, and the Aladdin remake (2019) was a pile of shit that was […]

Troop Zero

Film Title

Troop Zero

Synopsis

A group of kids work to have their voices heard by aliens. Seriously.

Director

Bert and Bertie

Cast

Viola Davis
Mckenna Grace
Allison Janney
Jim Gaffigan
Charlie Shotwell
Milan Ray
Johanna Colon
Bella Higginbotham

A tale of two movies. Sitting next to each other, in the same theater on the same night, my wife and I saw two entirely different movies. I saw a heartwarming movie with adorable, courageous kids, a solid story, and a tight running time that kept the film from meandering. My wife saw a jumbled, […]

Bad Boys for Life

Film Title

Bad Boys for Life

Synopsis

Two detectives try to relive the glory days.

Director

Adil el Arbi, Bilal Fallah

Cast

Will Smith
Martin Lawrence
Joe Pantoliano
Jacob Scipio
Alexander Ludwig
Charles Melton
Kate del Castillo
Paola Nunez
Vanessa Hudgens

So this is what death throes look like. When I was a sophomore in high school, I was a little too talkative one day during math class. My teacher told me stay after the bell rung, and, once everyone else had left the room, told me I could not leave until I acted like a […]

Dolittle

Film Title

Dolittle

Synopsis

A man who can talk to animals goes on a quest to destroy his career now that Ironman is dead.

Director

Stephen Gaghan

Cast

Robert Downey Jr.
Antonio Banderas
Michael Sheen
Harry Collett
Jim Broadbent
Half of Hollywood (Voices)

Do you smell something? It seems almost unfair to write about Dolittle. Why on Earth would a movie with a $175 million budget and starring Robert Downey Jr. be opening in the armpit of the Hollywood calendar known as January? All the kids are back in school, almost everyone blew all of their spending money […]