Ad Astra

Film Title

Ad Astra

Synopsis

A very long-distance phone call.

Director

James Gray

Cast

Brad Pitt
Tommy Lee Jones
Donald Sutherland
Liv Tyler

Latin for “Dad is a dick.” Every year, I have the same three movie wishes. One, that there is one really good movie that comes out of nowhere. Two, that there is one good science fiction film. Not fluffy sci-fi like Star Wars (though I do want more Star Wars), but good sci-fi like Moon […]

Don’t Let Go

Film Title

Don't Let Go

Synopsis

A murder mystery with the best cell phone coverage ever.

Director

Jacob Estes

Cast

David Oyelowo
Storm Reid
Mykelti Williamson
Alfred Molina
Brian Tyree Henry
Shinelle Azoroh

Or, you DIE, DIe, Die, die… I went into Don’t Let Go knowing nothing more than the title, a very brief plot summary on IMDb – “After a man’s family dies in what appears to be a murder, he gets a phone call from one of the dead, his niece. He’s not sure if she’s […]

The Angry Birds Movie 2

Film Title

The Angry Birds Movie 2

Synopsis

Bird crap.

Director

Thurop van Orman

Cast

Jason Sudeikis
Josh Gad
Danny McBride
Rachel Bloom
Leslie Jones
Bill Hader
Tiffany Haddish
Peter Dinklage

You recognize this film by the way it hits your windshield. A hallmark of a good PG movie is an ability to appeal to both kids and adults. Smart writing and mature jokes for the adults; smart writing, bright colors, and silliness for the kids. Pixar has mastered the art of blending all of those […]

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Film Title

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Synopsis

Kids read from book and Guillermo del Toro punishes them.

Director

Andre Ovredal

Cast

Zoe Margaret Colletti
Michael Garza
Gabriel Rush
Austin Zajur
Austin Abrams
Natalie Ganzhorn
Dean Norris
Kathleen Pollard

A creepy throwback. I wonder what kind of childhood Guillermo del Toro had? The creatures that he comes up with for his movies and television shows suggest his childhood was…not good? Haunted? Disturbed? When I found out he was involved with the making of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, I immediately nixed the […]

The Kitchen

Film Title

The Kitchen

Synopsis

Protection racketeering is gender neutral.

Director

Andrea Berloff

Cast

Melissa McCarthy
Elisabeth Moss
Tiffany Haddish
Common
Margo Martindale
Domhnall Gleeson
Bill Camp

A woman’s place. The Kitchen might be one of my favorite cases for guessing what the movie is about when you only know the title. The Kitchen could be a spinoff of Downton Abbey. It could be a Bobby Flay documentary. It could be a horror film in which Gordon Ramsey murders the entire cast […]

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Film Title

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Synopsis

Grown-up Dora is as annoying as little-kid Dora.

Director

James Bobin

Cast

Isabela Moner
Eva Longoria
Michael Pena
Jeff Wahlberg
Madeleine Madden
Nicholas Coombe
Eugenio Derbez

Gravity exists. I remember my son watching the Nickelodeon cartoon Dora the Explorer and that show got old quickly. I may or may not have wanted to close my head in the freezer after the thousandth time I heard “Swiper! No swiping!” Thankfully, he has moved on to other shows like Phineas and Ferb, which […]

Stuber

Film Title

Stuber

Synopsis

Uber the way it was meant to be used.

Director

Michael Dowse

Cast

Dave Bautista
Kumail Ninjiani
Mira Sorvino
Natalie Morales
Iko Uwais
Betty Gilpin
Karen Gillan

Didn’t see that one coming. Trailers always elicit an immediate reaction from the viewer in the form of whether or not the viewer will go see the movie. For a trailer for a movie like Stuber, most people will probably think “well, not gonna go see that piece of shit.” I say that because I […]

Spider-Man: Far From Home

Film Title

Spider-Man: Far From Home

Synopsis

Spider-Man goes to Europe.

Director

Jon Watts

Cast

Tom Holland
Jake Gyllenhall
Samuel L. Jackson
Cobie Smulders
Marisa Tomei
Jon Favreau
Zendaya
Jacob Batalon
Martin Starr
J.B. Smoove

I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. The battle against movie piracy has officially gone too far. Typically at advanced screenings, we are asked by security folks to silence or turn off our phones and not get them out during the movie. You know, like literally every movie does at every theater […]

Men in Black: International

Film Title

Men in Black: International

Synopsis

A couple of Asgardians slumming it.

Director

F. Gary Gray

Cast

Chris Hemsworth
Tessa Thompson
Liam Neeson
Emma Thompson
Kumail Nanjiani
Rafe Spall
Rebecca Ferguson
Kayvan Novak
Laurent Bourgeois
Larry Bourgeois

M is for mole. For my wife, time travel in a movie kills that movie for her. I get it – time travel solves any problem, undoes any death or event, and, of course, comes with that pesky paradox (if you change the past, you erase the reason for going back to the past to […]

Avengers: Endgame

Film Title

Avengers: Endgame

Synopsis

Marvel comes to a head.

Director

Anthony and Joe Russo

Cast

Everyone from the previous 21 movies

At long last. We can finally all breathe. After twenty-two movies, we can finally turn our attention to other films and budding franchises that have been overshadowed by the Marvel behemoth. If you look over there, the DC Extended Universe is still budding and…well…ok – it sucks pretty hard. Joker looks promising based on the […]