NFL Week 13: Memphis would have given Ohio State A Better Game Than That Edition

I don’t want to be one of those people who feigns a sort of woeful regret every time they say “I told you so” by insisting that they are certainly not the type of person who says “I told you so,” except in that instance, of course. Those people are charlatans. Ne’er-do-wells. Cads. Bounders. And […]

NFL Week 12: Impeach THIS Edition

This will end. Maybe next week. Maybe during conference championships. Hell, maybe right now. Perhaps as you read this, our early Sunday slate is going down in flames. I would hate to come off as some sort of pragmatism monitor, but in the course of a run like this I feel just a twinge of […]

NFL Week 11: Tots and Pears Edition

America, we’re back! Some aristocratic, some black. The whip ain’t got no crack, but we got a hell of a bang! 2-0-1, up two more units, and our good fortunes continue. I’ve heard tell of some of you receiving change after making purchases. At the liquor store, no less! Well God bless us all I […]

NFL Week 10: What’s The Difference Between Whinge and Moan Edition?

I’m in a tough spot. Despite literally working for Goat, the whole quick goat thinking concept is beyond me, so I am at a loss. Generally, the first paragraph is either a celebration or rumination regarding the games of the previous week. This is usually the paragraph for therapeutic cheer-leading or the tempering of expectations, […]

NFL Week 9: Deadspin’s Eulogy Edition

Hey, kids, have you enjoyed the strong back-to-back collections? If you’ve followed along the last two weekends, you are up ten units, and I absolutely love it. Since I make every bet I publish, I myself am riding the mini-wave. College has gone well too. Hell, back in Atlantic City I hit some genuinely big […]

NFL Week 8: National Astronaut Baseball Edition

*lights go down* *awkward silence* *chubby bald man kicks door open* HIT MY MOTHER FUCKING MUSIC! That’s right, gang. First clean sweep of the year, and not a minute too soon. Obviously, cometh the fire, cometh the siren; this won’t happen every week. However, for the time being, or at least the length of this […]

NFL Week 7: Popeye’s or Chick-Fil-A Edition

Well, it was bound to happen eventually. We split the baby for the first time last weekend, with wins from the Saints (thanks Pope!) and Cardinals, a Philly loss, and an absolute disgrace of a performance on the part of the Dallas Cowboys. They lost straight-up to the Jets on national television, and what’ worse, […]

NFL Week 6: The Joker Is Really On Us Edition

Call it immersion. Call it a cleansing. These are the interesting times the fortune cookies warned us about, my friends. Mind you, I refuse to sell you hope in any direction. As gamblers we swear off rooting interests, of course, though we also prize honestly. So tell the truth; in the past two years, did […]

NFL Week 5: They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? Edition

Monday you can hold your head. Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed. Thursday to be honest I would have taken the Rams anyway. Last Sunday Jesus Christ did I get us kicked in the teeth, my bad Holmes. Okay, fine, it needs work. I guess I’m just not on The Cure’s level, not yet anyway. And […]

NFL Week 4: The Idiot In Chief Strikes Again Edition

Umm. Yay? I guess? Maybe? It seems our long national nightmare will continue unabated for the foreseeable future, but there appears to be a chance, perhaps slimmer than one would assume, that the pigheaded imbecile currently running this country might have to face some repercussions for his actions, seemingly for the first time in his […]