Comfortable and Furious

Big Hair T. and the Fence-Licking Donkey

Watching Birds of Prey, that Harley Quin-movie from DCEU (yeah, I know… But it was on TV with nothing better on, so I thought…) while under heavy influence of some truly excellent weed and lots of cheap beer is (or so I imagine) a bit like attending a The Wall-concert from Pink Floyd, completely sober. It would be a fun trip, for sure, but wouldn’t it be SO much better if you were stoned and drunk of your ass? That’s the thing with this movie, I for one would never watch it sober. I have no idea if that means anything to you, dear reader, but hey, since we’re all trying really hard to be movie-critics over here, let’s give this one a break, hm?

Seeing Harley shooting up an entire police-station in total Arnie-style was pretty cool, though. Too bad she did it with bean- and glitter bags. Yes, I said glitter bags.

The movie is narrated by Ms. Quin herself, and constantly jumps back and forth through time, from ‘four minutes ago’ to ‘two weeks before that’, because, you know, Harley is insane, and it’s funny. Trainspotting plays the main bad guy and his thing is, he slices faces off people. While they’re still alive. For reals. Or, at least, his right-hand henchman does the actual slicing, while Trainspotting walks away in some cool swaggering style and says some cool shit.

Because that’s what you do, apparently, when you just brutally murdered mom, dad and, yes: their lovely fourteen-year-old daughter, while hanging upside down from chains in some abandoned warehouse… I mean, Jesus-damn! What is wrong with you people? Is the world itself, and all the actual horrible monsters living in it today, not enough for you? You dream of making this type of shit? What… I mean… What happened to you, man…? Please, and I DO mean: PLEASE seek some professional help, as soon as possible, and if you can’t, or just won’t, for some reason, (you know, because you are INSANE), please smoke some of this weed I have here. It might help you relax.

Anyway, the rest of the movie is pretty cool. I think. I’m writing this during the commercials, and pretty soon I’ll be too drunk and stoned to put my thoughts into words anymore, so now I’m just waiting to see if I can make it to that pretty awesome looking scene which I saw in a preview where Harley, in order to take out some bad guy, swings her trusted baseball bat in such a way that it bounces across the floor, breaks this guy’s jaws and then bounces back into her hand, all in glorious full HD slow Mo-action. I love that shit.

Stay drunk, people. And while you do, if you get a chance to see this movie, please do so. I have no idea if you will be entertained by it, as I was, but at least you didn’t murder anyone because it’s a totally acceptable running time of 119 minutes.

And no, the title of this piece and its content have nothing to do with each other, whatsoever. I just do this because I’m an Idiot.

And yes, by the way. I made it to that scene with the baseball bat. It’s awesome.



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