Comfortable and Furious

Cyber Tracker: 90’s Inaction

Can the premise even be articulated?

Sort of. Mix Robocop with The Terminator and cast the robot with a big bald fucker that looks like Steve Wilkos. Add a real-life kickboxer Don “The Dragon” Wilson as a human who is targeted by the Steve Wilkos which is controlled by his former employers (a senator and some other miscellaneous trash) and you basically have a movie where a guy beats the crap out of robots and Australians while proving his innocence with kickboxing. All you need to know is that the film has a wannabe Sasha Mitchell that makes Van Damme seem like the next coming of George C. Scott.

C-List Costars:

Well, there is Richard Norton, who plays the Aussie martial artist who takes on Don “The Dragon” Wilson in the climax. Apparently, Richard Norton was a bodyguard for some music stars and was in Gymkata and a whole slew of 90s Inaction flicks. This guy is also much bigger in Hong Kong where he’s been a villain in Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung flicks. He’s also a better actor than The Dragon and much sexier.

Evidence That the Script was written by a robot that looks like Guy Ritchie:

The movie rips off so many other movies it’s not even funny. No wait, it’s actually very funny. You have a rebel underground opposing the totalitarian corporation running the world (Max Headroom). You have a robot that is used for law enforcement to execute without prejudice (Robocop or Universal Soldier) a hero that finds out that his employer is corrupt (any conspiracy movie) and faces an enemy that can’t be stopped with bullets and is merciless, invincible and emotionless (The Terminator). Cyber Tracker also borrows thematically from Bergman’s Faith Trilogy without contributing additional insight.

Bargain Bin Quality:

Again, the funniest thing about the movie is that the robot looks identical to Steve Wilkos, without the bowling shirts. Seriously the way the robot walks, talks and fights reminds one of Steve Wilkos so much that I half expected him to throw a fucking chair. Also, our hero is so lame and boring that he actually gets drunk with the A.I housekeeper he lives with. That’s the state of action. Our heroes can’t find a man, or even a woman to bond with so they program a robot to get drunk with them. Sad. (Note to self: program robot to be drinking buddy.)

Redeeming Qualities:

We do have lots of explosions and fight sequences but let’s be candid. This movie is so fucking bored with itself that its tired plot threads weave into a moronic and boring knot. An underground rebellion, boring bad guys (Steve Wilkos aside) and a lead performance delivered by Wilson, possibly the worst actor to ever recite from cue cards. The film has cars flipping over, apparently has a decent budget for explosions, but isn’t gay enough, dumb enough or fun enough to be anything but a mindless curiosity to 80s action fans.

Vestiges Of Glory

Corpse Count:

I counted 31 but most of it is routine, though the special effects regarding the Wilkos robot are so blatantly unconvincing and cheap that the fight sequence is laughable instead of awe-inspiring. That being said I always love it when cars do flips do somersaults like 20 times before easing to a stop and then exploding on contact.


The film sort of has the gayness going on, but is really an example of the decline of homoeroticism in the genre rather than anything genuinely arousing. There’s a hot blonde love interest and, while she doesn’t have sex with our hero, she is seen kissing him and it’s clear Donny-Boy wants a piece of her action. Of course, it’s probably because he’s just happy for any human interaction that doesn’t involve DVDs, credit card numbers or drinking with tameguchis. Richard Norton, Steve Wilkos-Droid and Don Wilson are all shirtless in battle but it strikes one as a hollow act of obligation. It’s as if 80s Action hero were forced to go to the straight camp that worked so well for Ted Haggard.

Novelty Death:

Dragon reaches inside the Steve Wilkos-droid, puts a bomb in his abdomen and blows him in half and we can see his legs spark before it falls down and circuits out dead.

Pre-Mortem One-Liner:

“You are to be executed NOW!” said over and over again by the Steve Wilkos droid.



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