Comfortable and Furious

Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas Trailer Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: There was not enough money in the treasury at Ruthless Towers to pay any of our writers enough to actually watch the entire movie. Vandel reviewed this trailer for a case of Natty Light. This movie is rated 1.5/10.0 at IMDB and is the #5 worst movies of all time. (2014)

Watching Growing Pains back in the day, I would have never dared to have imagined all of this. When I found out that Alan Thicke wrote the theme for D’ffrn’t Strokes, I thought that was a trip. Now his son makes some kind of horrible Grammy music, which I am thankfully shielded from by being over thirty. Joanna Kerns starred and directed in the Lifetime movies, Wronged By Men: Parts I – MMCDXCVIII. Tracey Gold’s limo got hit by a Wal-Mart truck.

Boner is an eight term Congressman representing Oklahoma. Bill Cosby was kind of on Growing Pains because Growing Pains was really just Some Shit After the Cosby Show and it turns out he’s something of an amateur alchemist, specializing in love potions. Well, he honestly thought they were. Love and unconsciousness are easily confused. I guess the guy who played the little brother is still alive. Ben, right? Let’s just give him a search and…

ben seaver jeremy stalker saving christmas trailer

How lovely!

I don’t even want to get into what happened with the cast of Just The Ten Of Us.

There was a Growing Pains reunion movie in 2004, which I didn’t even know about. But I think back when the show originally aired, we might have thought that Kirk Cameron would be too big a star for that to happen. But his second run at fame never really materialized until he turned up as a religious nut co-starring in the infamous Ray Comfort Banana video, which I think of like the video from The Ring. Anyone who watches that shit should become a militant atheist within seven days.

On the other hand, I begrudgingly admire Kirk and his crew. While being engrossed in Gamergate I saw that a lot of it was about people who had bullshit majors in college demanding that all games push their crazy and moronic, quasi-religious agenda. A common response was, no, go make your own games and push your agenda there.

And that’s exactly what Kirk and his banana buddies have done, most recently with Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas. They’ve rolled up their sleeves and built a mini-movie industry out of nothing, which is pretty impressive. They started with films that were unmitigated shit heaps. But, they’ve gradually learned what they are doing. I look at this trailer and I see some pretty good acting. It’s well put together. These movies can now be very profitable. And, maybe it’s my imagination, but it seems like we hear a lot less from angry Christians who want to control the movies the rest of us watch.

That’s how it’s supposed to work. Hats off to you, amigo.

Sadly, Saving Christmas does not look as crazy as I had hoped. It seems to be an intra-Christian story about the secularization of the holiday, rather than a confrontation between the pure hearted Christians and the atheist hordes who wish to persecute them by not being Christians.

While it is not the primary focus, there does seem to be a thread about the War On Christmas.

I’ve got a little litmus test for determining if there is a war on something. If you are constantly celebrating that thing in every corner of thingies, you are not at war against it. So, for example, we are supposedly at war with terrorism. In my opinion, we are really at war with reduced military spending. But The War on Terror passed my litmus test. Why?

Children are not visiting mall Osama Bin Ladens so that they can ask him for suicide bomb vests.

There is not a giant Death to Israel Tree on the White House lawn.

There will be no specials called, You’re a Martyr, Charlie Brown.

We don’t get any 9/11 carolers in my neighborhood.

There’s also the Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas feud. I permitted myself the pleasure of reading the YouTube comments on the matter. From what I can gather, people who insist that YOU must say happy holidays rather than Merry Christmas, are not a figment of Christian paranoia. They do exist, in the same sense that the KKK exists, or Westboro Baptist exists. A handful of idiots who can be blown out of proportion. It seems like the biggest group, by far, is the say whatever you want camp, followed by the Fox News, won’t somebody, PLEASE think of the Christians camp.

Anyway, you’ve got that and the commercialization issue. Chris Rock recently (2014) brought so much firepower to this subject, that commenting further would be like going after Greg Oden at an orgy.

But Kirk proposes to remedy all of these conflicts. The way the trailer makes it look, he is really just saving Christmas for his circle. Finding a way for his friends and family to reconcile the spiritual holiday with the money sucking garbage cannon that we know today. I’m cool with that. Let’s have a hearty handshake, a “Merry Christmas,” and I’ll preserve my hatred for Kirk Camerons’ Saving Science.



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