There was a story here recently about the word ’midget’ being officially struck from the BBCs style manual, meaning it ‘ist verboten en der extreem!’ I don’t know if they’re done it here yet, but c’mon The DEI demons worked every Halloween, solstice and Dianic Dyke Orgy to make ESG (the WEF’s Orwellian ass-fuck, of which DEI is part) into a reality, so, certainly, ‘midget’ has to be toast.
(That’s not a wink to anything, I wasn’t leading you into a ‘but, wait a minute’ style paragraph, I honestly don’t know if we can say ‘midget’ on TV or not.)
NO! Informing the public is not my job, providing context to an overwhelmed readership is not my job, nor is giving them articles about some productive topic…because all that just sounds like work—NO! My job is to reassure the lovers of random slurs against the disabled/ the otherly-raced/ the otherly-penised of new and exciting developments in Acute Condescential Nomenclature (ACN). I give you ten new euphemisms for ‘midget’ to rest your troubled spirit:
Bridget, the Midget, released from jail
1) Unimprisonables—because, aren’t they? Like, think about it...
2) Kite-pilots™— NEW SPORT!! It’s mine! I demand licensing! (How do I make that ’trademark’ symbol, again?) [EDITOR’S NOTE: (Alt 153)]
3) Crotch-kissers—You know it has to happen all the time, like, when they come out of a bank too fast.
4) Man-penguins—They won’t find it as nearly as cute as we do.
5) The Rollercoaster-less—You gotta shoot straight for their daily deprivation, a midget hasn’t looked at a pamphlet for Six Flags without erupting into fits, since the thirties
6) DeVitoes—George Washington was 6’3”, it’s kinda like that, I hear.
7) The Pedophile’s Compromise—If they had a nickel every time they were instructed to tie their hair into a sideways pony-tail and then ‘wear this’. Oh, Tinder, you’re Cupid for the modern age.
8)The War-widow’s Grief Counselor—They’re small, not dumb, they know a choice window when one opens. Hundreds of thousands have sketchy online Divinity School diplomas, they are in-line and’a’waitin’, soldier. (Thank you for your service, rest in peace…or as much peace as you can muster knowing your wife is getting plowed by the cast of Time Bandits.)
“Hey, these kinda fit! Why are you crying? Oh, These were his wedding clothes? [long pause]–But I look good, right?“
9) Cigar Toddlers—A lotta times their wives get sudden visits from CPS.
10) Elves with Empty Shelves— Because the top three ain’t never getting used, unless he wants an altitude headache every time he gets a pop-tart.
Now you don’t have to fear, the greatest minds in ACN (and I am proudly a part of that great undertaking) assure you that though you are partial to ‘midget’ a new way to demean someone for the unintentional maul of nature is never far from the zeitgeist.
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