Comfortable and Furious

The Top 10 Words To Describe Midgets

There was a story here recently about the word ’midget’ being officially struck from the BBCs style manual, meaning it ‘ist verboten en der extreem!’ I don’t know if they’re done it here yet, but c’mon The DEI demons worked every Halloween, solstice and Dianic Dyke Orgy to make ESG (the WEF’s Orwellian ass-fuck, of which DEI is part) into a reality, so, certainly, ‘midget’ has to be toast.

(That’s not a wink to anything, I wasn’t leading you into a ‘but, wait a minute’ style paragraph, I honestly don’t know if we can say ‘midget’ on TV or not.)

NO! Informing the public is not my job, providing context to an overwhelmed readership is not my job, nor is giving them articles about some productive topic…because all that just sounds like work—NO! My job is to reassure the lovers of random slurs against the disabled/ the otherly-raced/ the otherly-penised of new and exciting developments in Acute Condescential Nomenclature (ACN). I give you ten new euphemisms for ‘midget’ to rest your troubled spirit:

Bridget, the Midget, released from jail

1)  Unimprisonablesbecause, aren’t they? Like, think about it...

2) Kite-pilots™NEW SPORT!! It’s mine! I demand licensing! (How do I make that ’trademark’ symbol, again?) [EDITOR’S NOTE: (Alt 153)]

3) Crotch-kissers—You know it has to happen all the time, like, when they come out of a bank too fast.

4) Man-penguinsThey won’t find it as nearly as cute as we do.

5) The Rollercoaster-lessYou gotta shoot straight for their daily deprivation, a midget hasn’t looked at a pamphlet for Six Flags without erupting into fits, since the thirties 

6) DeVitoesGeorge Washington was 6’3”, it’s kinda like that, I hear.

7) The Pedophile’s CompromiseIf they had a nickel every time they were instructed to tie their hair into a sideways pony-tail and then ‘wear this’. Oh, Tinder, you’re Cupid for the modern age.

8)The War-widow’s Grief CounselorThey’re small, not dumb, they know a choice window when one opens. Hundreds of thousands have sketchy online Divinity School diplomas, they are in-line and’a’waitin’, soldier. (Thank you for your service, rest in peace…or as much peace as you can muster knowing your wife is getting plowed by the cast of Time Bandits.) 

Hey, these kinda fit! Why are you crying? Oh, These were his wedding clothes? [long pause]–But I look good, right?

9) Cigar ToddlersA lotta times their wives get sudden visits from CPS.

10) Elves with Empty ShelvesBecause the top three ain’t never getting used, unless he wants an altitude headache every time he gets a pop-tart.

Now you don’t have to fear, the greatest minds in ACN (and I am proudly a part of that great undertaking) assure you that though you are partial to ‘midget’ a new way to demean someone for the unintentional maul of nature is never far from the zeitgeist. 






6 responses to “The Top 10 Words To Describe Midgets”

  1. The Big Kahoona Avatar

    Then what will be the fate of Gidget, “girl” and “midget” = Gidget, the Little Girl with Big Ideas. Kathy Kohner-Zuckerman lives!

    1. Goat Avatar

      Who cares? Check out my Top 10 Movies About Salesmen.

    2. Bart Cobb Avatar
      Bart Cobb

      Wazzit? Wha–? Did he–? Huh? GIDGET!? Is it–? ‘Cuz it–? Was there a–? WHAT? Put–Put the back part as the front p–? Huh? I can’t–Wait, if you change verbs, then–. No–..(You can’t look stupid just answer him back, anything! Just say it!)

      “I don’t believe the Middle East situation is as bad as you propose, sir. And, quite frankly, I find you petro-centic view of the Arab economies to be Keynesian at its heart.”

      [snort] Saved it.

  2. The Big Kahoona Avatar

    I guess you’d have to grow-up in California to understand.

    1. Goat Avatar

      Take it up with Bart

  3. Goat Avatar

    Bart, you know you’re going to Hell, right? I am not responsible, but I will be right there with you, Bro.

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