I did not see that coming. Raise your hand if you get super excited when you first hear about a new Gerard Butler movie. Anyone? No? Okay, raise your hand if you loved 300 and forgave Butler for doing bad rom-coms like The Ugly Truth and The Bounty Hunter. Still nothing, huh? How about this […]
Film TitleDen of Thieves
A crew of highly trained thieves attempt to pull of a heist and character development ensues.
O'Shea Jackson Jr.
Brian Van Holt
Film TitleThe Commuter
An ex-cop turned insurance salesman is coerced into a deadline game of Guess Who on a train.
Like Murder on the Orient Express, but not. Happy 2018 everybody. As we welcome in 2018, I’m hoping to spend a lot of executive time in my shithole. If you were wishing for 2018 to be a fresh start, keep on wishing everybody. On behalf of all non-deplorable Americans, I apologize to Haiti, El Salvador, […]
Something smells rotten. Is it just me or does 2017 feel like it has lasted about a hundred years? Between hurricanes, forest fires, racists, sexual harassers, gun massacres, and the systematic destruction of reason, decency, and ethical governing by the elephant party and the worst president this country has ever seen, I’m surprised aliens haven’t […]
Film TitleJumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
A video game movie that somehow manages to be watchable.
A trophy for trying. I’m not sure there was any movie in 2017 for which I had lower expectations than Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. Well, maybe Justice League. And Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. And Transformers: The Last Knight. And Kong: Skull Island. Ok, so there were many movies to be […]
Film TitleDarkest Hour
Kristin Scott Thomas
Churchill would like his soul back. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) Darkest Hour is best described as the deleted scenes from Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk. It’s the Deep Impact to Armageddon, but not moronic. Darkest Hour takes place during the couple of […]
Film TitleThe Man Who Invented Christmas
A tale of two stories. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) When I was in high school, I was forced to read Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities and Great Expectations, only one of which I was able to finish (the […]
Film TitleLady Bird
A look at the final year of high school for Lady Bird and a million other girls.
Let it go. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) For about eight minutes, some hay was made about Lady Bird breaking a record for the most positive consecutive reviews without a negative review on Rotten Tomatoes. Then, a single film critic gave […]
Film TitleI, Tonya
The story of Tonya Harding and why she might not be the worst person of 1994.
A little bit. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) In 1994, Tonya Harding was the most hated person in America (well, at least until O.J. Simpson went for a drive in his white Bronco). In 2017, anyone who watches I, Tonya is […]
Film TitleThe Disaster Artist
A brilliant telling of the making of an un-brilliant film.
Art has nothing to do with it. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) On my Movie Fixers podcast, we covered a movie called The Room from 2003. It is easily one of the worst movies ever put to film (think bad Lifetime […]
Film TitleThree Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri
It’s not just about the billboards.
Caleb Landry Jones
Whose side are you on? (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) About seventeen minutes into Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri, [Goat’s Review] Sheriff Willoughby (Woody Harrelson) has the following exchange with distraught mother Mildred Hayes (Frances McDormand) whose daughter was raped and […]