Den of Thieves

Film Title

Den of Thieves

Synopsis

A crew of highly trained thieves attempt to pull of a heist and character development ensues.

Director

Christian Gudegast

Cast

Gerard Butler
Pablo Schreiber
Evan Jones
O'Shea Jackson Jr.
50 Cent
Dawn Olivieri
Brian Van Holt
Maurice Compte
Mo McRae
Cooper Andrews

I did not see that coming. Raise your hand if you get super excited when you first hear about a new Gerard Butler movie. Anyone? No? Okay, raise your hand if you loved 300 and forgave Butler for doing bad rom-coms like The Ugly Truth and The Bounty Hunter. Still nothing, huh? How about this […]

The Commuter

Film Title

The Commuter

Synopsis

An ex-cop turned insurance salesman is coerced into a deadline game of Guess Who on a train.

Director

Jaume Collet-Serra

Cast

Liam Neeson
Vera Farmiga
Patrick Wilson
Sam Neill
Jonathan Banks
Elizabeth McGovern

Like Murder on the Orient Express, but not. Happy 2018 everybody. As we welcome in 2018, I’m hoping to spend a lot of executive time in my shithole. If you were wishing for 2018 to be a fresh start, keep on wishing everybody. On behalf of all non-deplorable Americans, I apologize to Haiti, El Salvador, […]

My Year in Movies – 2017 Edition

Something smells rotten. Is it just me or does 2017 feel like it has lasted about a hundred years? Between hurricanes, forest fires, racists, sexual harassers, gun massacres, and the systematic destruction of reason, decency, and ethical governing by the elephant party and the worst president this country has ever seen, I’m surprised aliens haven’t […]

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Film Title

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Synopsis

A video game movie that somehow manages to be watchable.

Director

Jake Kasdan

Cast

Dwayne Johnson
Kevin Hart
Karen Gillan
Jack Black
Nick Jonas
Bobby Cannavale

A trophy for trying. I’m not sure there was any movie in 2017 for which I had lower expectations than Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. Well, maybe Justice League. And Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. And Transformers: The Last Knight. And Kong: Skull Island. Ok, so there were many movies to be […]

Darkest Hour

Film Title

Darkest Hour

Director

Joe Wright

Cast

Gary Oldman
Lily James
Ben Mendelsohn
Kristin Scott Thomas
Stephen Dillane
Ronald Pickup

Churchill would like his soul back. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) Darkest Hour is best described as the deleted scenes from Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk. It’s the Deep Impact to Armageddon, but not moronic. Darkest Hour takes place during the couple of […]

The Man Who Invented Christmas

Film Title

The Man Who Invented Christmas

Director

Bharat Nalluri

Cast

Dan Stevens
Christopher Plummer
Johathan Pryce
Morfydd Clark
Justin Edwards
Annette Badland
Simon Callow
Valeria Bandino

A tale of two stories. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) When I was in high school, I was forced to read Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities and Great Expectations, only one of which I was able to finish (the […]

Lady Bird

Film Title

Lady Bird

Synopsis

A look at the final year of high school for Lady Bird and a million other girls.

Director

Greta Gerwig

Cast

Saoirse Ronan
Odeya Rush
Laurie Metcalf
Timothee Chalamet
Lucas Hedges
Beanie Feldstein
Tracy Letts

Let it go. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) For about eight minutes, some hay was made about Lady Bird breaking a record for the most positive consecutive reviews without a negative review on Rotten Tomatoes. Then, a single film critic gave […]

I, Tonya

Film Title

I, Tonya

Synopsis

The story of Tonya Harding and why she might not be the worst person of 1994.

Director

Craig Gillespie

Cast

Margot Robbie
Sebastian Stan
Allison Janney
Julianne Nicholson
Bobby Cannavale
McKenna Grace

A little bit. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) In 1994, Tonya Harding was the most hated person in America (well, at least until O.J. Simpson went for a drive in his white Bronco). In 2017, anyone who watches I, Tonya is […]

The Disaster Artist

Film Title

The Disaster Artist

Synopsis

A brilliant telling of the making of an un-brilliant film.

Director

James Franco

Cast

James Franco
Dave Franco
Alison Brie
Seth Rogen
Ari Graynor
Jacki Weaver
Paul Scheer
Josh Hutcherson

Art has nothing to do with it. (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) On my Movie Fixers podcast, we covered a movie called The Room from 2003. It is easily one of the worst movies ever put to film (think bad Lifetime […]

Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri

Film Title

Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri

Synopsis

It’s not just about the billboards.

Director

Martin McDonagh

Cast

Frances McDormand
Woody Harrelson
Caleb Landry Jones
Sam Rockwell
Lucas Hedges
Peter Dinklage
John Hawkes
Samara Weaving
Sandy Martin

Whose side are you on? (It’s award consideration season and I’m playing catch-up. As I tear through them, I thought I’d try mini-reviews. Enjoy!) About seventeen minutes into Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri, [Goat’s Review] Sheriff Willoughby (Woody Harrelson) has the following exchange with distraught mother Mildred Hayes (Frances McDormand) whose daughter was raped and […]