Comfortable and Furious

The ABC’s of #FreePalestine

Anti-Semitism: The last refuge of a college student.

Binaries: Curiously, for a generation insisting on 288 genders, it’s more than comfortable reducing the world entire to “oppressor” and “oppressed.” 

Columbia: A once proud institution now reduced to tent cities, filth, and incoherent ramblings. Kinda like downtown Denver.

Diploma: Many were torn apart in protest, though majoring in Gender Studies kinda made that an inevitability. 

Entifada Not the correct spelling, of course, but do you really think a college student knows that?

From the River to the Sea: A darling anthem of the New Left, it’s sort of like “We Shall Overcome” if that song meant to convey the desire to stick all white people in ovens.

Gaza: The patch of paradise at the center of all this nonsense. The desire to possess it is based entirely on custom and religion, of course, making it irrelevant to anyone who stopped caring around 1495.

Hipster Swastika: See “Keffiyeh.”

Israel: According to Joe & Jill College, the greatest force for evil since Hitler blew out his brains in a Berlin bunker. Maybe worse. 

Jews: No one under 30 likes them, which puts them in the same company as hard work, intelligence, reason, and a sense of humor.

Keffiyeh: See “Hipster Swastika.” 

Lebanon: What is “one of a dozen Arab countries who won’t accept a single Palestinian refugee, Alex?”

Murder: Apparently, it’s wrong, unless a member of an oppressed class does it in protest.

Nazi: Once deemed the vilest of epithets, it has recently been replaced by Zionist.

October 7th: Israel’s Pearl Harbor, it’s conveniently left out of the New Left’s current pro-Hamas narrative. Over 1,000 people were raped, tortured, and murdered, but due to the law of proportionality, Israel is not allowed to exceed that number when deigning to fight back. 

Palestine: A country that craves existence, but can’t, unless the world really needs another terrorist state it’ll eventually be forced to level.

Qatar: One of two countries who recently brokered a cease fire deal between Israel and Hamas. Because Hamas was open to the agreement, we all know it’s in the best interest of love, acceptance, and global peace. 

Rape: A uniquely evil act, unless used as a tool against Zionist occupation.

Starbucks: One of two dozen companies the movement sought to boycott, all while wearing clothing made by nine-year-old slaves. 

TikTok: The one-stop shop for all things #FreePalestine. See also “the explanation for my eventual suicide.”

UCLA: According to one particularly cheerful pro-Hamas spokesperson, an institution founded on privilege, patriarchy, exploitation, and evil. And here I was thinking that was Harvard.

Victim: The most important identity of them all, as it relieves the bearer of all responsibility, save self-righteousness and moral sanctimony. 

War: Sadly, it involves the deaths of human beings. Apparently, the New Left thought this could be handled through purposeful marching.

Xploitation: Fine, I cheated. But this word had to be used eventually. 

Yemen: Home country of the inspirational Houthis, a band of brothers dedicated to a Free Palestine, provided it doesn’t actually free anyone.

Zionism: A clever term used to prevent college kids from having to explain why they’re shouting “kike” at the top of their lungs.







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