Since it’s apparently that time of year again to get all squishy about family and ‘gezelligheid’ and all that shit, I thought I’d make a little list of my favorite end-of-year movies, in no particular order. Enjoy.
Once, a long, long time ago in a universe far, far away, I rented a VCR and all three Lord of the Rings-movies and watched them all in one long, glorious sitting. That was a good day… (For the younger readers among you: a VCR is a device, the size of a briefcase, that played cassettes the size of I-pads. This contraption was connected to your TV. The cassettes, better known as ‘video-tapes’, could be rented from small physical retail businesses, aptly called ‘video-stores’. Yes, boys and girls, streaming was a lot harder, back then.)
I, for one, however, prefer The Hobbit over The Lord of the Rings-movies. Both are of equal and awesome quality, on pretty much every level one can think of, and I will watch them, every time they are on TV, for the rest of what is left of my miserable little life. But for me, there is one significant difference between the two, and that is the lead-role. In the one we have Martin Freeman, a little man with a strong name, and a competent actor as well, and his amazing performance as Bilbo Baggins; in the other is his somewhat illogical offspring’s result, from an even littler man-boy named Elijah Woods, which name sounds like a song from Nick Cave.
Illogical, because probably though not every child becomes exactly like his parents, you do get at least some of their traits, do you? That’s where I get confused: in The Hobbit we see how Bilbo during his adventures with Gandalf and the dwarves slowly transformed from a hapless Hobbit into someone who learns some wise lessons about life, love and sacrifice. You know, the squishier things in life. And in the LOTR-movies we see how Frodo changes from a hapless Hobbit into a whiny little shit with constantly moist puppy-dog-eyes, that doesn’t stop complaining, makes every stupid and wrong decision possible at every single turn, and, in the end, returns home to be, forevermore, a hapless Hobbit again. Fuck Frodo. I hate him. I hope one day one of those giant eagle flies by and eats him. Little shit.
So, that’s why.
The Never Ending Story
This is one of those special ones. For those of you who don’t know it, it’s an adventure-movie from 1984, about a boy who finds a magic book that transports him to a wonderful world full of magic and wonder. You know, the squishier things in life. I was a little boy myself when I saw it for the first time, and it made a lasting impression. Almost every year around Christmas I see it coming by somewhere, and I almost always watch it. You know, If I don’t pass out first.
Comparing the old analog set-making movies from the old days to the CGI and computer-driven world of today is a tired old discussion that I gladly leave to those poor fuckers that apparently have nothing better to do with their lives, but I will say this: the people that worked on this particular movie did it with all their heart and soul. If you’ve never seen it, please do so, as soon as possible, and make sure to have your loving children and grandchildren with you, drink some hot cocoa while the fire burns in the background, and realize, once again, that it’s such a pity that we don’t really live in one of those fucking Hallmark-movies.
Falkor. The Rock biter. And my favorite: Morla, The Ancient One. I love them all, with all my heart.
Prepare now, to get properly squishy. The correct title of this movie is not ‘Zwelgje’, but ‘Als je begrijpt wat ik bedoel’, which is Dutch, which translates to ‘If you know what I mean’. (See here) or also this from Wiki
But I forever and ever will remember it as ‘Zwelgje’. It’s a Dutch animated movie, released in 1983, and it was the very first movie I saw in a movie-theater. A birthday gift from my mommy and daddy. It’s about a little dragon, found on a stormy night by a bear of nobility: sir Oliver. B. Bommel. He takes the little dragon home, only to quickly learn that when the little critter gets angry or upset, he grows into a very big dragon, that then turns all criminal and starts to steal all sorts of shit. It’s really cool.
Chances are that most of you out there, dear readers and readerettes, are from that strange and far away America-land, and if so, I wish you the best of luck with… well… everything, but most of all with the chances of finding this movie with the original Dutch audio, together with an accurate English subtitle. But hey, since it’s that time of year in which miracles almost seem possible, who knows…
I love Bill Murray. I think Bill Murray is a genius. I don’t believe in miracles, Christmas, God, Jesus, family, nor the existence of any kind of songbird, but if there somehow were to be some kind of all-powerful, all-knowing genie-in-a bottle-type being out there that granted wishes, I would only ask for ONE thing: to once smoke a joint with Bill Murray.
Or suck his dick, maybe. I don’t know. Who knows, how that sort of adventures unfolds, hm? One minute you’re smoking and laughing away, and the next…
Bill Murray must be one of the coolest people to have ever lived.
Did I mention he smokes pot?
This, this is an odd one. It’s another animated movie, from Dutch director Michael Dudok de Wit, and I’m not quite sure how to describe it, so if you will excuse me, I will now smoke another joint, think about it some more and come back to you, in a minute or two. Hopefully.
It’s beautiful. And haunting. I’m sure that when and if any of you, dear readers who are fortunate enough to have not seen it as of yet, that when you do, you will remember it for a long, long time. And, if you are anything like me (you know, an insane and lonely drug-addict that is by now very drunk and stoned indeed) you will want to see it over and over again.
I wish you all the very best of happy holidays, all the wisdom in the world and a damn good night,