Comfortable and Furious

Teenagers From Outer Space (1959)

Oh boy, this is it. For decades I have fantasized about a movie that could be half as bad as some of Coleman Francis’s stinkers like The Beast Of Yucca Flats. Only for all the acting to be as spectacular as that of Tor Johnson, and a monster as convincing of the one in The Giant Gila Monster! This time it’s a giant freaking lobster from outer space. And, it kept growing, and growing, and growing. Nom-nom.

To start with, these are the oldest-looking teenagers I’ve ever seen. When they started talking, I laughed out loud. The aliens speak in a halting and ridiculous staccato. I swear, throughout the movie, everyone, not just the aliens speak like they were reading from the Federal Register. [EDIT: The Coneheads! That’s what I was trying to think of]

Bryan Grant and King Moody in Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)

O.K., these aliens landed on earth in a ship that was only slightly larger than a tin of Vienna sausage. Their mission was to find a suitable planet for their primary food supply, the Gorgons (the lobsters) to graze, thrive, and grow larger. Earth was suitable, but inhabited, so there was a dispute between the 4 “teenagers” over releasing these lobs, who would undoubtedly feast on the local population. Great stuff, huh?

Derek, the humanitarian in the bunch, ran off to town to find the owner of the poor mutt that they had dispatched with their “Atomic Disintegrator”, which was in fact a plastic toy gun that had been purchased at Woolworth’s. This gun immediately turned anyone unfortunate enough to be a target, into an instant, very clean, plastic skeleton. This movie was made on a budget of less than $14,000, so they used the same cheap skeleton for each death shot, even the dog.

Oh, My Goat, the acting was so wooden and horrible, especially all the extras that they must have literally pulled off the street. The movie is also waaaayyy too long, even at a runtime at 1:26. There were a lot of really unnecessary plot sidetracks that should have been omitted. There was even a short love scene. Well, if you want to know the truth, the entire movie should have been left in some alley dumpster. It was so bad that the writer and director Tom Graeff committed suicide soon after, and David Love (Derek) disappeared and no one knows what happened to him. The copyright for the film, $25,000 was never renewed, so it went into the public domain quite some time ago to be copied, butchered and laughed at by MST3000.

O.K., back to this movie. The lobster monster must be stopped, and Betty and Derek are the only ones that can do it. But….the Disintegrator was damaged in a car crash and they needed to hook into the power lines to immolate it!

Now Derek wants to go back to Krypton, or wherever he originated, and Betty is devastated! Oh, the horror. They should have ended with the death of the lobster and Derek boning Betty in front of a grinning Grandpa, but no, they had to try to make a REAL Sci-fi out of this hopeless mess. “But Derek, you promised!” O.K., Betty. Here is your plot twist.

The viewing audience is divided on this stinker, whether it was just an awful movie, or an awful movie that is so very bad that it is great. For me, there is no question as to where this thing belongs.

2.0/10.0 With the Goatesians rating of So Bad That It’s Really Bad.



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