The ABCs of Global Warming-Donald Trump Edition
Adiabatic Lapse Rate– This is basically the impact that the change in atmospheric pressure has with altitude on a parcel of air. These rates are distinguished by wet/dry and involve transfer of heat by induction. Wait! Are you kidding me? We have Saudi Clerics preaching in 2015 that the sun revolves around the earth. We have millions of Americans (25%) who agree, and countless other Americans who have skepticism, if not outright loathing and disdain for anything scientific, especially if it conflicts with their religious mythologies. We have Congressmen chairing science committees that will not even listen to scientific research because they are convinced that God will protect America from any climatic disasters. We also have a brand new President who thinks climate change is a gigantic hoax. Adiabatic what? Get out of town with that stuff, you liberal faggot. What Global Warming?
Bastardi, Joe– Joe is the former Chief Long Range Forecaster for Accuweather. He now is the Chief Forecaster for Weather Bell. Joe has some serious talent, but was fired from Accuweather because of his increasing number of on-air temper tantrums and meltdowns when his winter forecasts would fail miserably. A staunch Conservative and deeply religious, Bastardi often lets his politics and religion cloud his objectivity and is one of the most vocal Climate Change deniers. To his credit, his long-term forecasts are correct about 50% of the time, not unlike a coin flip. In spite of holding only a Bachelors degree, Bastardi confidently proclaims that he is right and all those other scientists are wrong with regard to climate change. In addition to his stock ending to his Saturday rants, he also invariably states that Only the good Lord above knows what the weather will do. Pretty scientific, eh?
Coleman, John– Is a once competent meteorologist (scratch that, he graduated with a degree in Journalism) and is the founder of The Weather Channel. He has since lost his mind and is one of the most adamant and vocal Climate Change Deniers. On CNN he has actually claimed that Global Warming is a conspiracy to try to implement One World Government, whatever that is supposed to mean. Coleman is a completely unreliable source of information, having no training at all in meteorology, but a PhD in Conspiracy Science.
Deniers– Along with Truthers, Anti-Vaxxers and Birthers, they have never met a conspiracy theory that they could not embrace. There is no amount of evidence, no matter how starkly obvious or compelling, that will convince these Idiots of the truth. The Homosexuals, the Jews, the Commies and the Liberal News Media are all out to subvert our American way of life and besides, it snowed in Shreveport Louisiana last winter, so WHAT global warming? We have also now elected a President who has openly declared that Global Warming is a hoax. This has been done without any scientific basis at all and he has predictably appointed a climate change denier to oversee the EPA transition. Mother Earth, it’s rape time again.
Extinction–Only one in a THOUSAND of all species that have ever existed are still alive today. Hundreds of millions of arrogant human beings embrace the concept of special creation and an even more special designation of the species homo sapiens. Humans are a dominant species on this planet, but the reality is that it is almost inevitable that we as a species will go extinct; its just a matter of time. Who knows if it will be global warming, thermonuclear war, a bacterial or viral pandemic, an asteroid, measles, or just stupid human tricks that will snuff out the human race; but the Darwin Awards are coming. Of course, we have also elected a Vice President who does not believe in evolution at all and thinks that the earth is 6,000 years old and that fags should be extinct or executed. Get a load of this-28% of the gay population that voted, voted for Trump. Go figure.
FACTS–Every one of the past 37 years has been warmer than the 20th century average. The 12 warmest years on record have all occurred since 1998. The hottest year ever recorded for the contiguous United States occurred in 2012. We are overloading the atmosphere with carbon dioxide which traps heat and drives up the temperatures. The destruction of the tropical forests + the use of carbon based fuels are the biggest offenders.The United States contributes a staggering 25% of the carbon emissions to the atmosphere. FACTS are not the same as opinions and not all opinions are created equal or equally valid. It is the consensus of 97% of climate scientists, based on data and evidence, that climate change is occurring and that change is exacerbated by human activity, mainly the burning of fossil fuels. NOTE: Since this was originally written, the subsequent year has been even hotter. Right now, in Colorado, the temperature is in the mid-80s (Nov. 15), pushing 40 degrees above normal.
Greenhouse Gases and the human footprint– How do we know that humans are responsible for temperature change? What about natural forces such as volcanoes? Not all carbon dioxide is created equal and there is definitive and undeniable evidence that the carbon dioxide increase is from the lighter molecules produced from the burning of fossil fuels. The evidence for the correlation between global warming and increased human activity is undeniable, but who needs facts and science when we have Facebook?
Hockey Stick Graph–I know I have way too many charts and graphs instead of purty pictures or cute images of animals, but here is another one and perhaps the most known and famous one relating to Global Warming. I’ll try to be brief, but this is important. In 1998 an obscure scientist and two colleagues produced a scientific paper that reconstructed the past temperatures on the planet Earth. The graph and data show rapid warming at the end of the period and correlate a warming planet to increased use of fossil fuels. His paper was attacked viciously by Climate Change Deniers, backed by the Petroleum Industry.They thought that if they could derail and take down Mann, then they could discredit the concept of Global Warming and Climate change. Well, it worked for a while until that pesky thing known as Science came to the conclusion that Mann was correct after all.Of course, lies die hard and the skepticism of the Hockey Stick remained widespread, like those lies that the ICR continued to perpetuate about Noah’s Ark, The Piltdown Man and the Paluxy Mantracks.
Insects might just inherit this gay earth– Insects are legion, insects are incredibly tough, adaptable and they just love warm weather, the hotter the better. I only have to look just to the west of my home to observe the devastating effects of decades of warmer than normal winters in the Rockies. The Pine Bark Beetle, a native species, has been having a field day, taking advantage of the warmer temperatures to breed twice a year instead of once, and this extra activity has decimated Rocky Mountain forests. No matter, we have military grade pesticides, and who cares if millions of honey bees buy it in the meanwhile?They are tough, remember?
JAMSTEC–This is the Japanese Agency for Marine Earth Science and Technology. Their main objective is to contribute to the advancement of academic research for the benefit of peace and human welfare. Unlike American long-range weather forecasts, the JAMSTEC air and sea anomalies tend to be highly accurate. In other words, these are Jap scientists, so they are not to be trusted by Bible believing Americans. See the map below for how well they predicted the cold wave in the Eastern U.S.
Koppen-Geiger Climate Classifications– These are widely used climate classifications that were developed by Russian-German climatologist Wladimir Koppen and Russian climatologist Rudolf Geiger. These classification systems were designated in 1884 and modified by Koppen in 1934, so there are over 130 years of global reference points, and data has shown that the warmer and drier climate zones have been steadily advancing in correlation with increased use of fossil fuel by humans.Even though Koppen is long deceased, he is obviously part of the political conspiracy to push the agenda of Global Warming for the ultimate goal of One World Government by the Germans and the Japanese (see JAMSTEC). Therefore, these climate classifications are to be ignored by Americans.
Long Range Winter Weather Forecast– Oh my Goat! Not much has done more to embolden climate change deniers than has the proliferation of seasonal weather forecasts, especially for the winter season. YouTube is filled to the brim with 11-year old meteorological experts who make these prognostications as early as April before the upcoming winter season. These serious nerds and manchilds confidently throw around terms like the Arctic Oscillation and the PNA while putting up impressive charts, graphs and maps.La Nina is coming. The Siberian snow pack will be unprecedented this October. We have The Farmer’s Almanac and The New Farmer’s Almanac. The hook is always set and no one predicts a mediocre or mild winter, as they would rather throw tantrums and spawn more bizarre theories and forecasts when Mother Nature hands them their collective asses for their failed forecasts. A once proud profession has been inundated with snake oil salesmen and the actual pros have been caught up in the fray. Even with all the satellites, computers and technology we have today, it is a fact that seasonal weather specifics just cannot be predicted months ahead. Meteorologists have been turned into twitching, jerking wrecks by their reliance on computer models such as the GFS, the Canadian and The European with their analogues and ensembles that change like a chameleon, and on a dime, instantly wrecking forecasts and reputations.
NOAA–Is the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration which contains our National Weather Service. It has an absolute wealth of information about both weather and climate, but again, why bother with science and facts when you have Facebook and Fox News? In 2014, the combined land and ocean surface temperature was 1.24F (0.69C) above the 20th century average, making the year the warmest since records began in 1880. Since The Industrial Revolution we have burned more and more fossil fuels and now the level has reached over 400 ppm for the first time on record.The ice caps are melting, Spring snow is disappearing earlier, all of the signs of man-enhanced warming are here, verified by science, but who really cares?
Oil Bidness– Is the reason that we, in The United States, cannot have nice things like Solar and Wind powered energy sources. Even though the technology is available and is widely used in other industrialized nations like the UK and Germany, cleaner energy sources are frowned upon by Congress and dismissed as being a Communist plot by the general population. There is really no reason to listen to environmental freaks and Algore worshipers as long as there is one drop of oil left in the ground or under the ocean floor. So what if 200 million gallons of black, toxic oil was spilled into the Gulf of Mexico? Who cares if fracking compromises our domestic water supply and causes earthquakes and sinkholes? V-8, baby!
Polar Vortex–This widely misunderstood meteorological term is used by laypersons, politicians and TV weather broadcasters as positive proof that global warming is a hoax. Unlike what is commonly believed, the Polar Vortex is nothing new and is not a mobile storm of cold air that descends upon Gods chosen country to remind his flock to hate and distrust liberals and scientists. The Polar Vortex is actually just an upper level weather pattern that is always around and its relative strength or weakness impacts the severity of intrusions of arctic air in the winter.
Rollers-Or Coal Rollers are an invention of Rednecks to show their patriotism and disdain for the Muslim President, Communist Liberal Environmentalists, Democrats, Homosexuals and hybrid automobiles. They accomplish this by proudly spending thousands of dollars to modify their pickup trucks for the sole reason of purposefully dumping filthy and toxic fumes into our already polluted atmosphere. Also known as Prius Repellent, the stacks on these modified trucks are driven by Idiots and are just monuments to their own stupidity and racism.
So Much For Global Warming!-This phrase is uttered tens of thousands of times by Americans who do not have a clue as to the difference between weather and climate.Every time the temperature drops below normal, even for a short time, the Deniers are emboldened to voice their skepticism and mistrust for science. Human beings are masters of denial and wishful thinking. God wouldn’t allow this to happen is a ridiculously naive and shortsighted philosophy, especially in light of the fact that God has stood idly by in the face of other natural and human driven disasters in the past.
Temperature is Rising–What, me worry? Let’s face it, most people simply don’t care about anything beyond their next paycheck or scratch off Lotto ticket. Unlike Alfred E.’s attitude, the attitudes of the American public with regards to environmental issues stems from ignorance, intolerance and apathy rather than from confidence. Like always, the disdain for enlightenment can be linked to religious beliefs and abdication of personal responsibility as there will certainly be no Global Warming in Heaven.
Understand This–No matter how narrow your mind or your vision, you cannot get away from the fact that if you are reading this, that you, with a few exceptions, are living on this planet Earth. Yes, you are freezing your baguettes off in Boston this winter, but that does not diminish the fact that we are, as a planet, getting progressively warmer. The data is there, it is unassailable and undeniable, but you don’t believe it because you are an Idiot.
Vatican City and The Pope–Even the Superman Pope realizes that there is a huge issue with Climate Change, but how can we expect anything more than lip service from an institution so mired in its bloody and anti-science history? Pope Francis’s brave words will undoubtedly be undermined by hard-headed Big Hats like Cardinal George Pell, who makes ignorant statements like “If carbon emissions were doubled, then the plants would love it.”
Weather-Is Not Climate. This concept is so simple and iron clad in its concept that it’s a tragic failure of the human species that anything even needs to be written about it. Our failure as a species will certainly be highlighted by our inability to grasp the very obvious. One glaring human frailty is short-sightedness, and this flaw certainly applies to Global Warming.
eXxonMobil–Their Positioning Statement: Stated in a new report (April 2014) that world climate policies are highly unlikely to stop it from producing and selling fossil fuels in the near future. However, Exxon-Mobil does not dispute that Global Warming is occurring. This statement was made in response from concerned shareholders. There you have it, folks. There is no pretense and no hidden agenda from the bastions of capitalism. There are no human concerns too great to get in the way of the bottom line.
Yahweh, Mohammed, Shiva, et al–These are just a couple of the gods that will help the human race survive in case of the looming Global Warming that does not exist. Gods and religion are the spawning vats of ignorance masquerading as cement-headed skepticism. The religious agenda is clear and consistent. Oppose all things scientific and discourage critical thought. God must love Idiots, because he made so very many of them.
Zones that are Dead–Not only is it going to get hotter with rising sea levels, but that will not be all of the consequences of Global Warming, especially if you live on or near the coast. There will be bottom waters and estuaries near the coast that will be so low in oxygen that no marine life will be able to survive. The scope and location of the potential Dead Zones in the USA is shocking and vast, and the impact on humans will be significant.
Read other great ABCs Rants here.