Deep Water

Film Title

Deep Water

Synopsis

That’s definitely not a candy bar floating in the pool

Director

Adrian Lyne

Cast

Ben Affleck
Ana de Armas
Tracy Letts
Dash Mihok
Brendan C. Miller
Rachel Blanchard

“Deep Water” – That’s definitely not a candy bar floating in the pool. One of the first things they teach students in screenwriting class is to write a sympathetic protagonist so the audience has someone to root for. Apparently, the writers of Deep Water – Zach Helm and Sam Levinson – missed that week of […]

Turning Red (2022)

Film Title

Turning Red

Synopsis

Crimson Tide (or a visit from Aunt Flo)

Director

Domee Shi

Cast

Rosalie Chiang
Sandra Oh
Ava Morse
Orion Lee
Maitreyi Ramakrishnan
Sherry Cola

“Turning Red” – Crimson Tide (or a visit from Aunt Flo). Turning Red is a movie I’m really torn about. You can be forgiven for not knowing what this movie is actually about if you have only seen the preview. Let me help. It’s about puberty. Specifically, a girl’s first period. What I’m torn about […]

The Batman

Film Title

The Batman

Synopsis

The Batman only works in Black, or really dark grey

Director

Matt Reeves

Cast

Robert Pattinson
Zoe Kravitz
Colin Farrell
Paul Dano
Andy Serkis
John Turturro
Jeffrey Wright

“The Batman” – I only work in black. Or really, really dark grey. Batman has had quite the adventure throughout his Hollywood career. Starting way back in 1966 with two dudes wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants, there have been ten live-action films. After that ridiculous (even at the time) depiction, 1989’s […]

Studio 666

Film Title

Studio 666

Synopsis

What are you doing, Dave?

Director

BJ McDonnell

Cast

Whitney Cummings
Foo Fighters
Will Forte
Jeff Garlin
Dave Grohl
Leslie Grossman

“Studio 666” – What are you doing, Dave? If I were a Foo Fighters fan, I might have been genuinely excited about seeing Studio 666. I couldn’t pick a Foo Fighters song out of lineup, but I’m sure I’ve heard some of their late ’90s/early 2000s stuff. I might even have liked a song or […]

Uncharted (2022)

Film Title

Uncharted

Synopsis

Nathan and Sully go on a treasure hunt for Magellan gold. 

Director

Ruben Fleischer

Cast

Mark Wahlberg
Tom Holland
Antonio Banderas
Sophia Ali
Steven Waddington
Tati Gabrielle


“Uncharted” – Inter-National Treasure. Given the number of video games released every year, it’s surprising to see how few of them are adapted into movies. Ever since Super Mario Bros. debuted as the first video game adaptation / cow pie in 1993, it makes sense that studios would be hesitant to make more movies from […]

Blacklight

Film Title

Blacklight

Synopsis

It is time to stop. Now, Liam

Director

Mark Williams

Cast

Liam Neilson
Aidan Quinn
Emmy Raver-Lampman
Taylor John Smith
Claire van der Boom
Andrew Shaw

“Blacklight” – It is time to stop now, Liam. There’s a new Liam Neeson movie coming out, so it must be February. Put another way, it’s February, so what is the name of the latest Liam Neeson action flick? Put a third way, there’s a new movie about a grizzled old lone wolf with a […]

Death On The Nile (2022)

Film Title

Death On The Nile

Synopsis

Denial is just a river in Egypt

Director

Kenneth Branaugh

Cast

Tom Bateman
Annete Bening
Kenneth Branaugh
Russell Brand
Michael Ruse
Gale Gadot
Armie Hammer
Emma Mackey

It is just a river in Egypt. Probably. We often hear people complain about the lack of creativity or originality in Hollywood. Almost exclusively, that complaint is directed at big budget blockbusters and franchises. We know that complaint is completely insincere when we hear nary a peep from those same people about a movie like […]

Moonfall

Film Title

Moonfall

Synopsis

MoonFail… What if…Cotton was a monkey?

Director

Roland Emmerich

Cast

Halle Berry
Patrick Wilson
John Bradley
Charlie Plummer
Michael Pena

“Moonfall” – What if…? In this current age, where conspiracy theorists are given microphones, money, and even elected President, it’s not surprising that we’re seeing them appear as characters in movies and their bullshit confirmed as part of a movie’s plot. In an interview with Collider for his latest film Moonfall, Roland Emmerich is asked […]

Scream (2022)

Film Title

Scream

Synopsis

Old Scream, new Scream, we all scream for no more Scream.

Director

Matt Bettinelli-OlpinTyler Gillett

Cast

Neve Campbell
Jack Quaid
Courtney Cox
David Arquette
Melissa Barrera
Jenna Ortega

I know what you’re thinking- isn’t this Scream 5? I’m obligated to tell you that the official title of this movie is Scream. Yes, it is confusing. Yes, it is indeed the fifth movie in the Scream franchise and, yes, the other sequels did indeed have numbers in their titles. I actually thought this new […]

My Year in Movies – 2021 Edition – Second. Worst. Year. Ever.

Well, we made it through another year. I think. It’s hard to tell. 2021 sure felt a lot like 2020. Maybe not quite the rotten asshole of a year that was 2020, but a lot of people sure tried hard to make it as bad. The Covid pandemic has now entered the fourth major infection […]