Difficulty: Evil. Cheat mode: Enabled. I like how cocky the John Wick franchise has become. The first film’s title was simply John Wick. No fanfare. Just a dude’s name. John Wick grossed $88 million on a $20 million budget, coupled with an inexplicably high 85% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Brimming with confidence, Summit Entertainment […]

Go or something-or-other. I know next to nothing about Pokemon. I know it is a card game where the cards feature different creatures, which I assume are called Pokemons. I am not going to Google this, but feel free to email Goat with your complaints about me being stupid. Anyway, players make decks of creatures […]

Fugley. What movie did we see last night?Uglydolls. Why was it called UglyDolls?Cuz Fuglers are ugly. What is a Fugler?Funny. Ugly. Cute. And how do you know about fuglers?BECAUSE I’VE SEEN THEM!!! They’re basically stuffed animals. Do fugler toys talk like in the movie?Uh, no, but they can make friends. They’re not animatronics or anything, […]

Somebody crack a window. Did you know there was a remake of Hellboy coming out this year? Did you even know there was an original Hellboy released back in 2004 and a sequel released in 2008? Do you think I am making up a movie that is actually titled Hellboy on purpose? Those are all […]

Do you know where your children are? As parents, we tell our kids all kinds of lies to get them to behave. Right now, you are thinking of Santa Claus. Jolly old St. Nick is mostly a harmless lie, unless you subscribe to evil versions of Santa like Krampus or Tim Allen. Be good and […]

Tag. You’re it! If ever a movie was being given a massive pass for not being the next putrid entry in the DC Extended Universe (DCEU), Shazam! is it. Currently, it sits at 93% positive critics ratings on Rotten Tomatoes, which ties it for best in the franchise with Wonder Woman. In no universe, including […]

No, seriously. When I read the title Storm Boy, all I can hear in my head is Phoebe from Friends, saying “Flame Boy” and it makes it really hard to take Storm Boy seriously. And it should be taken seriously. It’s about a boy and his pelican. *giggles* In fact, it’s about a boy and […]

Of everything. Prior to screening The Aftermath, I was looking for a quick synopsis of the film because I knew nothing about it.  The first thing that popped up in the Google search was a review for The Aftermath subtitled “The Aftermath is the cinematic equivalent of crying after sex.”  This nearly made me spit-take […]

My lips are mostly sealed. I often struggle in these reviews with how much to reveal when discussing a movie.  Okay, I sometimes struggle.  On one hand, nobody likes spoilers.  Even for movies that are obvious and preordained crap, people want to be surprised and decide for themselves.  Incidentally, these are the same people who have to touch the […]

Only the best rides make you puke. Based on the previews, I was expecting Wonder Park to be much worse than it ended up being. I am probably cutting it some slack due to my man/nerd crush on John Oliver, but it exceeded my expectations. More importantly, it kept my son’s attention, which is really […]