The Angry Birds Movie 2

Film Title

The Angry Birds Movie 2

Synopsis

Bird crap.

Director

Thurop van Orman

Cast

Jason Sudeikis
Josh Gad
Danny McBride
Rachel Bloom
Leslie Jones
Bill Hader
Tiffany Haddish
Peter Dinklage

You recognize this film by the way it hits your windshield. A hallmark of a good PG movie is an ability to appeal to both kids and adults. Smart writing and mature jokes for the adults; smart writing, bright colors, and silliness for the kids. Pixar has mastered the art of blending all of those […]

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Film Title

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Synopsis

Kids read from book and Guillermo del Toro punishes them.

Director

Andre Ovredal

Cast

Zoe Margaret Colletti
Michael Garza
Gabriel Rush
Austin Zajur
Austin Abrams
Natalie Ganzhorn
Dean Norris
Kathleen Pollard

A creepy throwback. I wonder what kind of childhood Guillermo del Toro had? The creatures that he comes up with for his movies and television shows suggest his childhood was…not good? Haunted? Disturbed? When I found out he was involved with the making of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, I immediately nixed the […]

The Kitchen

Film Title

The Kitchen

Synopsis

Protection racketeering is gender neutral.

Director

Andrea Berloff

Cast

Melissa McCarthy
Elisabeth Moss
Tiffany Haddish
Common
Margo Martindale
Domhnall Gleeson
Bill Camp

A woman’s place. The Kitchen might be one of my favorite cases for guessing what the movie is about when you only know the title. The Kitchen could be a spinoff of Downton Abbey. It could be a Bobby Flay documentary. It could be a horror film in which Gordon Ramsey murders the entire cast […]

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Film Title

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Synopsis

Grown-up Dora is as annoying as little-kid Dora.

Director

James Bobin

Cast

Isabela Moner
Eva Longoria
Michael Pena
Jeff Wahlberg
Madeleine Madden
Nicholas Coombe
Eugenio Derbez

Gravity exists. I remember my son watching the Nickelodeon cartoon Dora the Explorer and that show got old quickly. I may or may not have wanted to close my head in the freezer after the thousandth time I heard “Swiper! No swiping!” Thankfully, he has moved on to other shows like Phineas and Ferb, which […]

Stuber

Film Title

Stuber

Synopsis

Uber the way it was meant to be used.

Director

Michael Dowse

Cast

Dave Bautista
Kumail Ninjiani
Mira Sorvino
Natalie Morales
Iko Uwais
Betty Gilpin
Karen Gillan

Didn’t see that one coming. Trailers always elicit an immediate reaction from the viewer in the form of whether or not the viewer will go see the movie. For a trailer for a movie like Stuber, most people will probably think “well, not gonna go see that piece of shit.” I say that because I […]

Spider-Man: Far From Home

Film Title

Spider-Man: Far From Home

Synopsis

Spider-Man goes to Europe.

Director

Jon Watts

Cast

Tom Holland
Jake Gyllenhall
Samuel L. Jackson
Cobie Smulders
Marisa Tomei
Jon Favreau
Zendaya
Jacob Batalon
Martin Starr
J.B. Smoove

I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. The battle against movie piracy has officially gone too far. Typically at advanced screenings, we are asked by security folks to silence or turn off our phones and not get them out during the movie. You know, like literally every movie does at every theater […]

Men in Black: International

Film Title

Men in Black: International

Synopsis

A couple of Asgardians slumming it.

Director

F. Gary Gray

Cast

Chris Hemsworth
Tessa Thompson
Liam Neeson
Emma Thompson
Kumail Nanjiani
Rafe Spall
Rebecca Ferguson
Kayvan Novak
Laurent Bourgeois
Larry Bourgeois

M is for mole. For my wife, time travel in a movie kills that movie for her. I get it – time travel solves any problem, undoes any death or event, and, of course, comes with that pesky paradox (if you change the past, you erase the reason for going back to the past to […]

Avengers: Endgame

Film Title

Avengers: Endgame

Synopsis

Marvel comes to a head.

Director

Anthony and Joe Russo

Cast

Everyone from the previous 21 movies

At long last. We can finally all breathe. After twenty-two movies, we can finally turn our attention to other films and budding franchises that have been overshadowed by the Marvel behemoth. If you look over there, the DC Extended Universe is still budding and…well…ok – it sucks pretty hard. Joker looks promising based on the […]

Aladdin (2019)

Film Title

Aladdin (2019)

Synopsis

Aladdin.

Director

Guy Ritchie

Cast

Will Smith
Mena Massoud
Naomi Scott
Marwan Kenzari
Navid Negahban
Alan Tudyk
Nasim Pedrad

A problem with your REMAKE!! As Disney continues to chew through live-action remakes of animated classics with Aladdin as the latest, all I can think is when will it end? The recently released Dumbo came and went with little notice, got panned by more critics than not and, depending on the marketing budget, will be […]

John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum

Film Title

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

Synopsis

Up, up, down, down, B, A, B, A, Select, Start.

Director

Chad Stahelski

Cast

Keanu Reeves
Ian McShane
Halle Berry
Laurence Fishburne
Lance Reddick
Asia Kate Dillon
Mark Dacascos

Difficulty: Evil. Cheat mode: Enabled. I like how cocky the John Wick franchise has become. The first film’s title was simply John Wick. No fanfare. Just a dude’s name. John Wick grossed $88 million on a $20 million budget, coupled with an inexplicably high 85% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Brimming with confidence, Summit Entertainment […]