After starring in The Exorcist at the tender age of fourteen, the world was Linda Blair’s pea green vomit-covered oyster. She followed up that groundbreaking horror classic with the stodgily directed TV movie Born Innocent and the much-mocked Airport 1975, whose main contribution to cinema was helping birth the glorious Airplane! In spite of their […]
Savage Streets (1984)
November 17, 2021 by
Film Title
Savage StreetsSynopsis
Rape, revenge and bad 80s hairdos at high school
Director
Danny SteinmannCast
Linda Blair
Linnea Quigley
John Vernon
Robert Dryer
Dirty Harry (1971)
November 14, 2021 by
Film Title
Dirty HarrySynopsis
Dirty Harry hunts down a psychopath punk who is terrorizing San Francisco
Director
Don SiegelCast
Clint Eastwood
Andrew Robinson
Harry Gardino
John Vernon
Reni Santoni
Ruth Kobart
John Mitchum
Tagline: Dirty Harry and the homicidal maniac. Harry’s the one with the badge. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Only bullets can repair a broken system. Homoeroticism: Limited almost exclusively to the fetishization of guns, which of course represent dicks in the 80s Action canon, of which this is arguably the […]
Eight Wince-Inducing Moments in Movies*
September 20, 2021 by
Sew Tough! I was about fourteen when I first caught First Blood on home video, the perfect age to vicariously revel in such macho histrionics. Immediately afterwards, I ran outside, knocked the first motorcyclist I saw to the ground, and headed off for the woods at breakneck speed with an imaginary entire police force hot […]
Invasion U.S.A
March 31, 2021 by
Film Title
Invasion U.S.A.Synopsis
Chuck Norris is a one-man army who can save the country from a spy invasion
Director
Joseph ZitoCast
Chuck Norris
Richard Lynch
Melissa Prophet
Alexander Zale
Eddie Jones
Billy Drago
Matt Hunter is tired. Once a proud Company Man, and one of the few on the payroll with full beard and bare chest, he’s more a Lion in Winter circa 1985, with nothing left to prove and no arms left to break. Leaving behind a world on the brink, he’s retired to Florida … the […]
Blood Dragon: The Video Game
July 15, 2020 by
Tagline: Welcome to the Future. The Year is 2007. Entire Story in Fewer Words than are in this Sentence: Michael Biehn gives voice acting a go. Homoeroticism: Despite being a love letter to 80s action films, Blood Dragon has very little in this category. Our lead, Rex “Power” Colt, makes constant references to balls, but, […]
Ricochet (1991)
May 5, 2020 by
Film Title
RicochetSynopsis
A District Attorney is stalked by his worst nightmare
Director
Russell MulcahyCast
Denzel Washington
John Lithgow
Jesse Ventura
Ice-T
Kevin Pollack
Lindsay Wagner
Victoria Dillard
Tagline: “He’s a cop accused of murder. And the only man who knows he’s innocent is the killer who framed him. This is one case that’s going to be settled out of court.” Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Homicidal maniac obsesses over hot black sex cop. Homoeroticism: It is perhaps […]
Midnight Run (1988)
March 25, 2020 by
Film Title
Midnight Run (1988)Synopsis
Everyone is after this guy, including Bounty Hunters, The Mafia, and the F.B.I.
Cast
Robert D Niro
Charles Grodin
Yaphet Kotto
John Ashton
Dennis Farina
Tagline: This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Bounty hunter and his quarry trade wisecracks. Homoeroticism: Hardly anything to report, sadly. Bounty hunter Jack Walsh (Robert De Niro) and accountant Jonathan “the Duke” Mardukas (Charles Grodin), who is in his custody, quickly develop […]
48 Hours (1982)
March 15, 2020 by
Film Title
48 Hours (1982)Synopsis
A renegade cop teams up with a convict to track down two cop killers and another sleaze-ball
Director
Walter HillCast
Eddie Murphy
Nick Nolte
Annette O'Toole
Frank McRae
James Remar
David Patrick Kelley
Brion James
Sonny Landham
Eddie Murphy was only 19 years old when he was tagged to play the convict conscripted by Jack, a renegade and reckless cop in San Francisco. Jack always stayed just a half a step ahead of losing his badge, and Reggie wanted to get out of jail. Even though Reggie Hammond was not a cop, […]
Deadly Prey (1987)
March 11, 2020 by
Film Title
Deadly Prey (1987)Synopsis
Sadistic mercenaries kidnap people off the streets and release them at their secret camp. Much death and hilarity ensues.
Director
David A. PriorCast
Cameron Mitchell
Troy Donahue
David Campbell
Leo Weltman
Ted Pryor
Fritz Matthews
Tagline: In Vietnam He Was The Best… HE STILL IS! Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Mike Danton ain’t nuthing ta f’ wit. Homoeroticism: Where to begin… I am probably the first person in history to ever take notes on this particular movie, and no fewer than four pages of those […]
Dollman (1991)
March 30, 2018 by
Film Title
Dollman (1991)Synopsis
He’s only got 12 inches on Earth, but he knows how to use them.
Director
Albert PyunCast
Tim Tomerson
Jackie Earl Haley
Frank Collision
Kamala Lopez
Nicholas Guest
Judd Omen
Vincent Klyn
I’ve been meaning to review this movie forever. Dollman was released in 1991, but if any movie begs to be reviewed in the 80’s action format, it is the totally ruthless and bad-assed Tim Thomerson as Brick Bardo in Dollman. I have this movie on Amazon and even have a VHS tape copy of this […]
