Magnum Force (1973)

Film Title

Magnum Force

Synopsis

Dirty Harry is now on the trail of rouge vigilante cops

Director

Ted Post

Cast

Clint Eastwood
Hal Holbrook
Mitchell Ryan
David Soul
Tim Matheson
Robert Urich
Kip Niven

Tagline:  This time the bullets are hitting pretty close to home!  Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:  Harry could just kill his Stupid Chief this time.  Homoeroticism:  Once again limited almost exclusively to the fetishization of guns, beginning with the opening credits sequence, which consists of a very long shot of […]

Savage Streets (1984)

Film Title

Savage Streets

Synopsis

Rape, revenge and bad 80s hairdos at high school

Director

Danny Steinmann

Cast

Linda Blair
Linnea Quigley
John Vernon
Robert Dryer

After starring in The Exorcist at the tender age of fourteen, the world was Linda Blair’s pea green vomit-covered oyster. She followed up that groundbreaking horror classic with the stodgily directed TV movie Born Innocent and the much-mocked Airport 1975, whose main contribution to cinema was helping birth the glorious Airplane! In spite of their […]

Dirty Harry (1971)

Film Title

Dirty Harry

Synopsis

Dirty Harry hunts down a psychopath punk who is terrorizing San Francisco

Director

Don Siegel

Cast

Clint Eastwood
Andrew Robinson
Harry Gardino
John Vernon
Reni Santoni
Ruth Kobart
John Mitchum

Tagline:  Dirty Harry and the homicidal maniac. Harry’s the one with the badge.  Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:  Only bullets can repair a broken system.  Homoeroticism:  Limited almost exclusively to the fetishization of guns, which of course represent dicks in the 80s Action canon, of which this is arguably the […]

Eight Wince-Inducing Moments in Movies*

Sew Tough! I was about fourteen when I first caught First Blood on home video, the perfect age to vicariously revel in such macho histrionics. Immediately afterwards, I ran outside, knocked the first motorcyclist I saw to the ground, and headed off for the woods at breakneck speed with an imaginary entire police force hot […]

Invasion U.S.A

Film Title

Invasion U.S.A.

Synopsis

Chuck Norris is a one-man army who can save the country from a spy invasion

Director

Joseph Zito

Cast

Chuck Norris
Richard Lynch
Melissa Prophet
Alexander Zale
Eddie Jones
Billy Drago

Matt Hunter is tired. Once a proud Company Man, and one of the few on the payroll with full beard and bare chest, he’s more a Lion in Winter circa 1985, with nothing left to prove and no arms left to break. Leaving behind a world on the brink, he’s retired to Florida … the […]

Blood Dragon: The Video Game

Tagline: Welcome to the Future. The Year is 2007. Entire Story in Fewer Words than are in this Sentence: Michael Biehn gives voice acting a go. Homoeroticism: Despite being a love letter to 80s action films, Blood Dragon has very little in this category. Our lead, Rex “Power” Colt, makes constant references to balls, but, […]

Ricochet (1991)

Film Title

Ricochet

Synopsis

A District Attorney is stalked by his worst nightmare

Director

Russell Mulcahy

Cast

Denzel Washington
John Lithgow
Jesse Ventura
Ice-T
Kevin Pollack
Lindsay Wagner
Victoria Dillard

Tagline: “He’s a cop accused of murder. And the only man who knows he’s innocent is the killer who framed him. This is one case that’s going to be settled out of court.” Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:  Homicidal maniac obsesses over hot black sex cop.  Homoeroticism:  It is perhaps […]

Midnight Run (1988)

Film Title

Midnight Run (1988)

Synopsis

Everyone is after this guy, including Bounty Hunters, The Mafia, and the F.B.I.

 



Cast

Robert D Niro
Charles Grodin
Yaphet Kotto
John Ashton
Dennis Farina

Tagline:  This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:  Bounty hunter and his quarry trade wisecracks.  Homoeroticism:  Hardly anything to report, sadly. Bounty hunter Jack Walsh (Robert De Niro) and accountant Jonathan “the Duke” Mardukas (Charles Grodin), who is in his custody, quickly develop […]

48 Hours (1982)

Film Title

48 Hours (1982)

Synopsis

A renegade cop teams up with a convict to track down two cop killers and another sleaze-ball

Director

Walter Hill

Cast

Eddie Murphy
Nick Nolte
Annette O'Toole
Frank McRae
James Remar
David Patrick Kelley
Brion James
Sonny Landham

Eddie Murphy was only 19 years old when he was tagged to play the convict conscripted by Jack, a renegade and reckless cop in San Francisco. Jack always stayed just a half a step ahead of losing his badge, and Reggie wanted to get out of jail. Even though Reggie Hammond was not a cop, […]

Deadly Prey (1987)

Film Title

Deadly Prey (1987)

Synopsis

Sadistic mercenaries kidnap people off the streets and release them at their secret camp. Much death and hilarity ensues.

Director

David A. Prior

Cast

Cameron Mitchell
Troy Donahue
David Campbell
Leo Weltman
Ted Pryor
Fritz Matthews

Tagline:  In Vietnam He Was The Best… HE STILL IS! Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Mike Danton ain’t nuthing ta f’ wit. Homoeroticism: Where to begin… I am probably the first person in history to ever take notes on this particular movie, and no fewer than four pages of those […]