Category: Features
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The Siren Song of Brendan Fraser Movies
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Read more: The Siren Song of Brendan Fraser MoviesFraser’s special pronunciation of the word, “penis?” (He pronounces it like, “tennis,” if I remember correctly.) Outstanding.
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The ABC’s of Sales
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Read more: The ABC’s of SalesTo see the Top Ten Movies about Salesmen, click here. Always Be Closing-Always Be Closing, ALWAYS BE CLOSING! These are those famous words from Alec Baldwin in Mamet’s masterpiece Glengarry Glen Ross. If you have ever been in Sales, you have probably heard a speech like this one, but never has one been more cold-blooded,…
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The ABC’s of Marriage
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Read more: The ABC’s of MarriageFor Other Great ABC Rants click here! Attorneys– Eventually you will need one. Why are you starting off this thing in such a negative fashion? Why immediately poison the well? Well, in America the divorce rates are shrinking, but so are the marriage rates, so deal with the fact that there are twice as many…
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American Hustle (2013)
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Read more: American Hustle (2013)If opening scenes are trying to grab your attention, this one certainly succeeds as we see a clownishly attired Christian Bale orchestrate a really bad hairdo for something like 5 minutes. Equally as shocking is his physique as the formerly ripped Batman has put on 43 pounds of mostly paunch. The plot of this film…
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Anchorman 2: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
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Read more: Anchorman 2: The Legend of Ron BurgundyUltimately, the film feels more like the Ron Burgundy sketch show than a comedy film. But overall, it’s too disorganized, a grunting stream of non sequiturs thrown out in a desperate chase to dig every vein of comedy gold that can be found.
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The Hobbit 2: The Smaugening
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Read more: The Hobbit 2: The SmaugeningOne of the textbooks symptoms of a bad sequel is one that tries to merely repeat what you liked about the film, while jostling you sharply in the ribs to remind you of what you once enjoyed.
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Catching Fire
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Read more: Catching FireI get it, evil future dictators. You like gladiatorial death-matches because they allow you to entertain the public while slaying your opponents. Do you know a better way to kill those two mockingjays with one stone? Play the Benny Hill music as the soundtrack every time you televise an execution.
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Ender’s Game
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Read more: Ender’s GameFair Value of Ender’s Game: $11.50. It’s a cold sprinting synopsis of the book, but it still packs a solid cathartic impact in the resolution. Why Didn’t You Boycott Orson Scott Card? I sharply disagree with Card’s misogyny, homophobia, and religious conservatism. I can say the same thing for H. P. Lovecraft. If I were…
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Thor 2: The Dark World
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Read more: Thor 2: The Dark WorldThe entire universe is at threat of being converted into the dark matter Red Vines of doom, but nobody seems to care all that much. The characters are numb to the stakes, and that left me numb to the characters.
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80’s Horror- Return of the Living Dead
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Read more: 80’s Horror- Return of the Living DeadNineteen noggins get gnawed upon. One of the best horror comedies of the 1980s.