Comfortable and Furious

Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017)

Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017) O.K., I knew this would be a bad idea. The original Jeepers Creepers was a dark, creepy and effective horror movie until about the last 20 minutes. It has been awhile since I saw the original, but I remember the introduction to the Creeper was pretty terrifying. Jeepers Creepers 2 was just awful, as to be expected from a sequel of a movie like the original horror flick.

This brings us to the subject at hand, Jeepers Creepers 3, a film that I recorded from the SyFy network so that I could watch what turned out to be the greatest World Series slug-fest ever, Houston defeating The Dodgers 13-12. It was a good choice watching the baseball game as when I finally got around to watching Jeepers Creepers 3 it was simply horrible.

Police officer goes berserk Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017)

Here is the synopsis of the movie. It was not about a monster, it was about a pouting girl who cannot afford to feed her horse. She also had a crazy Grandma who sat on a tractor staring out into space. Eventually Grandma dug up a Creeper hand and all Hell broke loose, or what passes for Hell breaking loose in this stinker of a film. That’s about it, thanks for reading. Just kidding.

Moving forward, the horse gets his lunch and the sad girl is out with some clown at the feed store who wanted to get into her pants, so he bought feed for Flicka. They ended up out in the woods, and when danger reared its ugly head, of course, the truck would not start. I will say that Meg Foster as Grandma was the scariest thing in this movie. I don’t know what they did to her, maybe they sent her to Ugly Bulimia Camp, but she really looked rough.

Anyway, just fuck this movie. It was not creepy, it was not scary and it was shot nearly all in broad daylight, which totally jettisoned any chance of this lazy effort being remotely scary. Only at the very end of the movie was it dark and foggy, but the ridiculously poor acting and editing (not to mention the cheap, annoying soundtrack) made it more laughable than horrifying. What made things worse (or better, depending on your perspective) is that there was about 10 minutes of commercials on SyFy for every 5 minute of movie. Thank Goat for DVR and fast forward…or not. I cannot properly articulate just how bad this movie sucked. Victor Salva may have learned how to toss salad in prison, but he sure didn’t learn how to make a movie sequel.

Jonathan Breck, who was a terrifying presence in the original, was totally squandered in this movie. I really don’t care anymore as I am typing this review while the movie is still running. The Creeper just goes around in broad daylight, doing his thing, and avoids the police by the use of his police scanner. He was also inexplicably wearing a red shirt. I mean, why? Instead of scaring the Hell out of us flying around at night, he is running through a field (with his red shirt) wielding an axe that looks like it came from a LarpFest. The ending of the movie was absolutely pathetic. I mean what in the Hell does a random rabbit and that stupid horse have to do with Jeepers Creepers? Plus, the ending left the door open for another movie. Victor Salva should be returned to prison for this movie, and twice if he ever attempts to make another one. Just, no.

Special Ruthless Ratings:

  • None
  • Really?
  • O.K. ZERO/10.0 – Better?



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