Jack Frost (1997)

Film Title

Jack Frost (1997)

Synopsis

A serial killer becomes an abominable toxic avenger snowman

Director

Michael Cooney

Cast

Scott MacDonald
Christopher Allport
Stephen Mendel
F. William Parker
Brian Leckner
Kelly Jean Peters
Rob LaBelle

Jack Frost (1997) is a Christmas horror movie that has the distinction of having the worst fake snow in the history of cinematography. Unfortunately, that is the only normal distinction that this “movie” has, and I use the word “movie” in a theoretical sense only. Yes, this is a cult classic and for sheer campiness, […]

Santa With Muscles (1996)

Film Title

Santa With Muscles (1996)

Director

John Murlowski

Cast

Hulk Hogan
Don Stark
Ed Begley Jr.
Robin Curtis
Garrett Morris
Aria Noelle Curzon
Adam Wylie
Clint Howard

Bad, bad, bad, BAD. With the possible exception of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, Santa With Muscles (1996) is not only the worst Christmas movie ever made, but it is one of the worst that could be made…ever. Weighing in at a whopping 2.4 at IMDB and ranked in the bottom 100 movies of […]

It’s Christmas, Carol! (2012)

Film Title

It's Christmas, Carol (2012)

Synopsis

Yet another modern rendition of the Dicken’s classic

Director

Michael Scott

Cast

Emmanuelle Vaugier
Carrie Fisher
Olivia Cheng
Tygh Runyan
Patti Allen
Chelah Horsdal
Rebbecca Davis

Its Christmas, Carol! (2012) is yet another made for TV rendition of the Dickens classic. I had just about given up on Hallmark as some (most) of their Christmas programming is absolutely dreadful. I’d rather go visit the local church and attend their services than watch most of the family and God crap on that […]

Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday (2016)

Film Title

Pee Wee's Big Holiday (2016)

Synopsis

A meeting and sex-session with an alien inspires Pee-Wee to take a Holiday for an HIV test.



Cast

Paul Reubens
Joe Manganiello
Jordan Black
Doug Cox
Monica Horan
Brian Palmero
Tara Buck
John H. Mayer
Josh Meyers

Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday (2016) is another one of those made for Netflix gems that must not be missed. This is not even a Christmas movie, in spite of the title. But, who cares, it’s Pee-Wee Herman! Homoeroticism: This is of course the only thing that matters in this review. I’m not going to invest a […]

Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)

Film Title

Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)

Synopsis

Once again Christmas must be saved and Ernest steps up.

Director

John R. Cherry III

Cast

Jim Varney
Douglass Seale
Oliver Clark
Noel Parker
Gailard Sartain
Billie Bird

While browsing through IMDB and other sites for pictures, movie posters and other obligatory information for this review, I noticed that Jim Varney (Ernest) was dead. He died in 2000 of lung cancer at the age of 50. This is the only thing that brought a smile to my face during the entire viewing and […]

Santa Baby (2006)

Film Title

Santa Baby (2006)

Synopsis

Santa’s daughter fucks up, then saves Christmas

Director

Ron Underwood

Cast

Jenny McCarthy
Ivan Sergel
George Wendt
Kandyse McClure
Michael Moriarty!!!
Lynne Griffin
Richard Side

Right now I am sitting here in my office. There are 9 minutes left in this movie and I am determined to make it through this thing. Mercifully so, there is a commercial that can’t be FF’d through, as this is a FreeForm movie. My fury at this movie has abated to disgust and then […]

Hogfather (2006)

Film Title

Hogfather

Synopsis

Hogfather has gone missing on the eve of Hogswatch and it is up to Death to step up.

Director

Vadim Jean

Cast

David Jason
David Warner
Marc Warren
Michelle Dockery
Tony Robinson
Nigel Planer
Peter Guinness
Stephen Marcus
Sinead Matthews
Ian Richardson (voice of Death)
Ed Coleman
Marnix Van Den Broeke (Death)

Hogfather (2006) is the made for TV film adaptation of the Terry Pratchett novel Hogfather, which is part of a the immensely popular Discworld book series. This TV movie is lengthy and is presented in two parts. This is not your typical save the Christmas movie as you might instantly guess, but with its gorgeous […]

Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)

Film Title

Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)

Synopsis

Desperate blonde kidnaps perfect stranger to satisfy family holiday rituals

Director

Ron Underwood

Cast

Melissa Joan Hart
Mario Lopez
Timothy Bottoms
Markie Post
June Lockhart
Kyle Howard
Vanessa Evigan
Gabrielle Miller
Lala Alizada

Holiday in Handcuffs (2007) is obviously a Christmas movie. As you can readily see, I am running out of good Christmas Season movies to review. I have already reviewed the great classics like Alastair Sim’s version of A Christmas Carol, wonderful camp low-budget movies like A Cadaver Christmas, and steaming piles of feces like Elf. […]

Arrival

Film Title

Arrival

Director

Denis Villeneuve

Cast

Amy Adams
Jeremy Renner
Michael Stuhlbarg
Forest Whitaker

I guess that I was supposed to like this movie. I mean, really, it gets 8.5 at IMDB and almost unanimous acclaim from the critics. According to these critics, this movie is as much of a sure bet as Hillary Clinton’s election, but something happened on the way to the viewing and the exit. It […]

THE ABCs OF GLOBAL WARMING-Donald Trump Edition

The ABCs of Global Warming-Donald Trump Edition Adiabatic Lapse Rate– This is basically the impact that the change in atmospheric pressure has with altitude on a parcel of air. These rates are distinguished by wet/dry and involve transfer of heat by induction. Wait! Are you kidding me? We have Saudi Clerics preaching in 2015 that […]