Jack Frost (1997) is a Christmas horror movie that has the distinction of having the worst fake snow in the history of cinematography. Unfortunately, that is the only normal distinction that this “movie” has, and I use the word “movie” in a theoretical sense only. Yes, this is a cult classic and for sheer campiness, […]
Film TitleJack Frost (1997)
A serial killer becomes an abominable toxic avenger snowman
F. William Parker
Kelly Jean Peters
Film TitleSanta With Muscles (1996)
Ed Begley Jr.
Aria Noelle Curzon
Bad, bad, bad, BAD. With the possible exception of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, Santa With Muscles (1996) is not only the worst Christmas movie ever made, but it is one of the worst that could be made…ever. Weighing in at a whopping 2.4 at IMDB and ranked in the bottom 100 movies of […]
Film TitleIt's Christmas, Carol (2012)
Yet another modern rendition of the Dicken’s classic
Its Christmas, Carol! (2012) is yet another made for TV rendition of the Dickens classic. I had just about given up on Hallmark as some (most) of their Christmas programming is absolutely dreadful. I’d rather go visit the local church and attend their services than watch most of the family and God crap on that […]
Film TitlePee Wee's Big Holiday (2016)
A meeting and sex-session with an alien inspires Pee-Wee to take a Holiday for an HIV test.
John H. Mayer
Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday (2016) is another one of those made for Netflix gems that must not be missed. This is not even a Christmas movie, in spite of the title. But, who cares, it’s Pee-Wee Herman! Homoeroticism: This is of course the only thing that matters in this review. I’m not going to invest a […]
Film TitleErnest Saves Christmas (1988)
Once again Christmas must be saved and Ernest steps up.
DirectorJohn R. Cherry III
While browsing through IMDB and other sites for pictures, movie posters and other obligatory information for this review, I noticed that Jim Varney (Ernest) was dead. He died in 2000 of lung cancer at the age of 50. This is the only thing that brought a smile to my face during the entire viewing and […]
Film TitleSanta Baby (2006)
Santa’s daughter fucks up, then saves Christmas
Right now I am sitting here in my office. There are 9 minutes left in this movie and I am determined to make it through this thing. Mercifully so, there is a commercial that can’t be FF’d through, as this is a FreeForm movie. My fury at this movie has abated to disgust and then […]
Hogfather has gone missing on the eve of Hogswatch and it is up to Death to step up.
Ian Richardson (voice of Death)
Marnix Van Den Broeke (Death)
Hogfather (2006) is the made for TV film adaptation of the Terry Pratchett novel Hogfather, which is part of a the immensely popular Discworld book series. This TV movie is lengthy and is presented in two parts. This is not your typical save the Christmas movie as you might instantly guess, but with its gorgeous […]
Film TitleHoliday in Handcuffs (2007)
Desperate blonde kidnaps perfect stranger to satisfy family holiday rituals
Melissa Joan Hart
Holiday in Handcuffs (2007) is obviously a Christmas movie. As you can readily see, I am running out of good Christmas Season movies to review. I have already reviewed the great classics like Alastair Sim’s version of A Christmas Carol, wonderful camp low-budget movies like A Cadaver Christmas, and steaming piles of feces like Elf. […]
I guess that I was supposed to like this movie. I mean, really, it gets 8.5 at IMDB and almost unanimous acclaim from the critics. According to these critics, this movie is as much of a sure bet as Hillary Clinton’s election, but something happened on the way to the viewing and the exit. It […]
The ABCs of Global Warming-Donald Trump Edition Adiabatic Lapse Rate– This is basically the impact that the change in atmospheric pressure has with altitude on a parcel of air. These rates are distinguished by wet/dry and involve transfer of heat by induction. Wait! Are you kidding me? We have Saudi Clerics preaching in 2015 that […]