Brazil (1985)

Film Title

Brazil

Synopsis

One of the strangest movies ever made.

Director

Terry Gilliam

Cast

Jonathan Pryce
Kim Greist
Robert De Niro
Ian Holm
Michael Palin
Katherine Helmond
Bob Hoskins

80% of people claim to have read 1984 while only 16% have actually done so, and 78% of people who’ve seen Brazil claim to have understood its parody of 1984. While we have no data on how many are telling the truth, it’s safe to surmise that 14% made the connection. Like 1984 the world […]

Ulzana’s Raid (1972)

Film Title

Ulzana's Raid

Synopsis

Merciless killers chase merciless killers across the merciless desert

Director

Robert Aldrich

Cast

Burt Lancaster
Bruce Davison
Jorge Luke
Richard Jaeckel
Joaquin Martinez

Some films don’t appeal. They might be a huge hit, win a boatload of Oscars, and get cracking reviews and yet… I’d rather read the Koran than take a gander. Maybe you feel the same. Maybe there’s a flick or two you can think of that the prospect of sitting through leaves you cold. Dances […]

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

Film Title

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

Synopsis

Nicholas Cage plays Nick Cage

Director

Tom Gormican

Cast

Nicholas Cage
Pedro Pascal
Tiffany Haddish
Ike Barinholtz

“The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent” – Nic Cage is…inevitable. If ever there was a person who could be described as a movie, it’s Nicholas Cage. It’s right there in a title that is as pompous and full of itself as it is long. What really made me want to see the film was the […]

Crawlspace (1986)

Film Title

Crawlspace

Synopsis

A Nazified acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree

Director

David Schmoeller

Cast

Klaus Kinski
Talia Balsam
Barbara Whinnery
Kenneth Robert Shippy

Sometimes you want a movie to educate, move or inspire you. And sometimes you just wanna watch that pint-sized Teutonic nutter Klaus Kinski collect eyeballs. Now I’m not one to condemn actors for their off-screen behavior or ill-judged Tweets. I don’t really care what they get up to or what their political affiliations are. I […]

The Bad Guys (2022)

Film Title

The Bad Guys

Synopsis

Bad criminal type animals attempt to go straight

Director

Pierre Perifel

Cast

Sam Rockwell
Mark Maron
Awkwafina
Craig Robinson
Anthony Ramos

The Bad Guys – Does farting really make someone bad? It took me a while to put my finger on it, but I finally realized why The Bad Guys failed to resonate with me. The opening of the film shows a wolf and a snake having breakfast at a diner. Everyone else in the diner […]

Beetlejuice (1988)

Film Title

Beetlejuice

Synopsis

A New England couple is dismayed to find death more complicated and chaotic than life.

Director

Tim Burton

Cast

Alec Baldwin
Geena Davis
Michael Keaton
Winona Ryder
Jeffrey Jones
Catherine O'Hara
Glenn Shadix
Sylvia Sydney

Beetlejuice is a wildly outrageous film made by the great Tim Burton. This is a film that demands multiple viewings to be fully appreciated. Beetlejuice was initially supposed to be a horror movie, but the performances by Michael Keaton as the unhinged bio-exorcist, the unfortunate dead couple, Adam and Barbara, and the whacky trio that […]

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Film Title

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Synopsis

Giant sharks again fill this air. This time from Washington D.C. to Orlando Florida

Director

Anthony C. Ferrante

Cast

Ian Ziering
Tara Reid
Mark Cuban
Bo Derek
David Hasselhoff
Ann Coulter

Reviewing any Sharknado movie is an exercise in utter chaos, so for this deep dive (I am truly sorry for the pun) into Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, I will basically just be transcribing my frenzied, disbelieving notes, but cleaned up and tweaked into coherent sentences and paragraphs. Or so I hope. I’ve seen three […]

The Northman

Film Title

The Northman

Synopsis

A Robert Eggers Viking Epic

Director

Robert Eggers

Cast

Alexander Skarsgard
Nicole Kidman
Willem DaFoe
Claes Bang
Ethan Hawke
Anya Taylor-Joy
Gustav Lindh

The Northman – Alexander Skarsgard is tight. My main goal in writing film reviews is to entertain you while I tell you about a movie. While I can’t even sniff the same comedic galaxy as Pitch Meeting or Honest Trailers, I do my best to come up with jokes to make your read slightly less […]

Commando

Film Title

Commando

Synopsis

Meet Arnie. He eats Green Berets for breakfast.

Director

Mark L. Lester

Cast

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Rae Dawn Chong
Alyssa Milano
Vernon Wells
Dan Hedaya
Bill Duke
David Patrick Kelley

If you’re the sort of guy who dresses his semi-automatic rifle in a see-through negligee just before beddy-byes and snuggles up tight while dreaming about his erect penis turning into the aforementioned weapon and walking butt-naked down the street spraying cock bullets at all those other puny men, then Commando is the one for you. […]

Ambulance

Film Title

Ambulance

Synopsis

An ambulance in La-La Land

Director

Michael Bay

Cast

Jake Gyllenhaal
Yahya Abdul-Mateen II
Eiza Gonzalez
Garret Dillahunt
Jackson White

“Ambulance” – La-La-Land. It shouldn’t take long into a viewing of Ambulance for you to realize you’re getting a movie that had approximately three minutes of thought put into its screenplay. For reasons that make absolutely no sense, the title highlights the “LA” part, as if it matters even a tiny bit what city this […]