80% of people claim to have read 1984 while only 16% have actually done so, and 78% of people who’ve seen Brazil claim to have understood its parody of 1984. While we have no data on how many are telling the truth, it’s safe to surmise that 14% made the connection. Like 1984 the world […]
One of the strangest movies ever made.
Robert De Niro
Film TitleUlzana's Raid
Merciless killers chase merciless killers across the merciless desert
Some films don’t appeal. They might be a huge hit, win a boatload of Oscars, and get cracking reviews and yet… I’d rather read the Koran than take a gander. Maybe you feel the same. Maybe there’s a flick or two you can think of that the prospect of sitting through leaves you cold. Dances […]
Film TitleThe Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
Nicholas Cage plays Nick Cage
“The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent” – Nic Cage is…inevitable. If ever there was a person who could be described as a movie, it’s Nicholas Cage. It’s right there in a title that is as pompous and full of itself as it is long. What really made me want to see the film was the […]
A Nazified acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree
Kenneth Robert Shippy
Sometimes you want a movie to educate, move or inspire you. And sometimes you just wanna watch that pint-sized Teutonic nutter Klaus Kinski collect eyeballs. Now I’m not one to condemn actors for their off-screen behavior or ill-judged Tweets. I don’t really care what they get up to or what their political affiliations are. I […]
Film TitleThe Bad Guys
Bad criminal type animals attempt to go straight
The Bad Guys – Does farting really make someone bad? It took me a while to put my finger on it, but I finally realized why The Bad Guys failed to resonate with me. The opening of the film shows a wolf and a snake having breakfast at a diner. Everyone else in the diner […]
A New England couple is dismayed to find death more complicated and chaotic than life.
Beetlejuice is a wildly outrageous film made by the great Tim Burton. This is a film that demands multiple viewings to be fully appreciated. Beetlejuice was initially supposed to be a horror movie, but the performances by Michael Keaton as the unhinged bio-exorcist, the unfortunate dead couple, Adam and Barbara, and the whacky trio that […]
Film TitleSharknado 3: Oh Hell No!
Giant sharks again fill this air. This time from Washington D.C. to Orlando Florida
DirectorAnthony C. Ferrante
Reviewing any Sharknado movie is an exercise in utter chaos, so for this deep dive (I am truly sorry for the pun) into Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, I will basically just be transcribing my frenzied, disbelieving notes, but cleaned up and tweaked into coherent sentences and paragraphs. Or so I hope. I’ve seen three […]
Film TitleThe Northman
A Robert Eggers Viking Epic
The Northman – Alexander Skarsgard is tight. My main goal in writing film reviews is to entertain you while I tell you about a movie. While I can’t even sniff the same comedic galaxy as Pitch Meeting or Honest Trailers, I do my best to come up with jokes to make your read slightly less […]
Meet Arnie. He eats Green Berets for breakfast.
DirectorMark L. Lester
Rae Dawn Chong
David Patrick Kelley
If you’re the sort of guy who dresses his semi-automatic rifle in a see-through negligee just before beddy-byes and snuggles up tight while dreaming about his erect penis turning into the aforementioned weapon and walking butt-naked down the street spraying cock bullets at all those other puny men, then Commando is the one for you. […]
An ambulance in La-La Land
Yahya Abdul-Mateen II
“Ambulance” – La-La-Land. It shouldn’t take long into a viewing of Ambulance for you to realize you’re getting a movie that had approximately three minutes of thought put into its screenplay. For reasons that make absolutely no sense, the title highlights the “LA” part, as if it matters even a tiny bit what city this […]